Whats up with me???

[greeneyedgirl23]

Hi everyone!

I am in a wierd kind of dilemma. I have this guy in my life that I have spoken of before on these forums. He is not my boyfriend, but there are deep feelings there. It is a long confusing situation, but in short I am sick of waiting around for him to want a girlfriend.

I go out with my friends and have a great time. I talk to other guys, but I have a problem when it comes to taking a real interest in them. They will ask me for my number etc. etc. but I don't feel it with any of them. I try to put myself out there but I get turned off when the guys I meet are a little more friendly than I like. I just feel uncomfortable when they try to kiss me or have their arms around me. I want to meet a nice guy, but I am the type of girl that wants to take things slow, and not make out with a guy the first night I meet him.

Is there a way for me to let a guy know that I am interested but that I want to take it slower and get to know them before they move in on me? I don't want to give them the cold shoulder because some of these guys seem really cool.

Its just hard for me to get out there because of the feelings that I have invested with this other guy. The new guys make me feel like Im almost doing something wrong by showing interest with them. Is this normal?

[eightball61]

It is a long confusing situation, but in short I am sick of waiting around for him to want a girlfriend.




Have you even brought up the idea of being BF and GF with him? or are you waiting for him to ask?

Part of your problem here is you wait to long. From your past threads you seem like you don't speak up much. If you don't speak up then your gonna end up losing out like you have been. If you want something then you should go for it but if you hold back then you lose out..... :rolleyes:

[Diablo]

It isn't unusual for some people to want to take things slow and is simply common sense. There are guys who are the same way and it just takes a while to find one. As for the guy you talked about, just coming out and asking him to be your boyfriend might weird him out a bit. A safer move would be to invite him out to dinner and then take him to the most romantic restaurant in town. He should get the idea. Has this guy been hurt in the past? If so, he could be a tough nut to crack, but you could eventually.

[greeneyedgirl23]

Thank you for the replies....

No, he has never been hurt in the past. This is the guy that I was talking about months back when I was unsure of what he wanted from me.

We have gotten along well and he has since graduated from college. He seems to be growing up a bit, he is really busy working for his family this summer though, so I have only seen him a couple of times.

The two times before the last were great. I picked him up and we went on a drive and talked for an hour or so, it was late, as usual.

Then the next night I saw him was two nights later at a wedding. I was in the wedding and he was just a guest. ( I guess that is irreleveant). But it was cool to be really dressed up together. We spent a lot of time together that night, and when we were not near eachother, I saw him noticing me from afar.

Later that night we went to an after party together. And from there we got a ride home. His house is on the way to mine, and he could have easily been taken to his house, but didnt speak up and came to my house. By this time it was nearing 3am.

I changed and got comfortable (out of my dress and heels) and he hung out for a while. I took him to get some food and then droped him off at home a while later.

I ended up giving him his graduation present that night, because It was the best time for me to do so. He opened it when he went inside and called me a minute later when I got home (i live about 2min away) to tell me that it was the most thoughtful thing in the world. And that I must have taken a lot of my time to put into it. (it is a picture frame, with a bunch of picture slots and I put pictures of he and I and all of our friends from high school until now, Im really into pictures and scrapbooking and he always takes my pics from me anyway). He seemed to like it and he told me that he wanted to show it to his mom in the morning and he would call me tomorrow.

I didnt hear from him. I didnt think it was a big deal, so the next weekend I left him a message to tell him to meet up with some of us at this festival we were going go, but i didnt hear back. Later on he showed up with a big group of guys, like his brothers friends. They all talked to me that night, and he only said hello. this was the last time I have seen or heard from him.

I am confused once again from this boy. He does things like this and I tell myself that he doesn't want me like that, but it's so hard to not get creeped out by other guys right now.. aaaarrrrrhhhh.... So frustrating! :o

[Diablo]

You're right, it sounds like he doesn't want you like that. Since the thought of a relationship with a different guy turns you off for now, you could just go solo for a while. There's nothing wrong with not being in a relationship. I haven't dated in years myself since I simply can't afford it. It gets lonely sometimes, but there are worse things than not having someone.

[greeneyedgirl23]

It is true that there are many things worse than being single. My problem is that when I do talk about other guys, this guy gets really wierd, he makes snippy comments and seems to be cutting down whoever I do talk about having an interest in.

I hate trying to please everyone, because it seems like I am cheating myself in the process!

how long since your last girlfriend Diablo?

[Diablo]

My last girlfriend died in July of 2001 and I have not dated since. Judging by your description of how guys act around you, I would guess that you are pretty. Being pretty can be worse in some ways than being ugly because a lot of guys get a little nuts when in the company of a pretty woman.

[greeneyedgirl23]

Im sorry to hear about your girlfriend, you sound like a really sweet person and I am sure you will find love again someday, when you are ready to put your heart back out there.

And lol, you were right on about him being "nuts" thats the assumption I have to take!!

[Diablo]

I'm probably a little too accustomed to being single. I have an older friend and she says I'm probably going to get hit by a thunderbolt. I'll probably just wait for that. You know about the thunderbolt? It only happens with some people, but if it hits me, I won't be able to walk away and she won't either. That friend told me that and I'm like, "Jiminy Cricket, I don't like the sound of that!"

[greeneyedgirl23]

Is the thunderbolt that once in a lifetime love that you don't know about until it hits you? If thats the case, Im in the "unspoken" thunderbolt right now. Neither of us can walk away and end our "friendship".

Or is it something completley different? How old are you? Im 23.

[Diablo]

From what she was that's a different thunderbolt. I'm 43.

[eightball61]

It isn't unusual for some people to want to take things slow and is simply common sense.


You are right and there are men and women that rather things slow. There is a difference though in "wanting to take things slow" and "being afraid to speak up".

Judging from her previous threads it got me thinking that she lacks communication and/or speaking up. She may communicate to these men but not the way that will get her answers. It's possible that these men are not communicators themselves and if that's the case then that sets up for a bigger issue.

The only way to end this confusion is to speak up or move onto someone that "is" realtionship ready....

[greeneyedgirl23]

In terms of taking it slow, and saying that is what I perfer to do, I was talking about random guys that I meet. I like to get to know someone before I am comfortable enough to do anything with them. I wasn't talking about the guy I am concerned about. I am very comfortable around him.

As for not communicating well, I am a good communicator, my reasons I have not communicated my feelings to my friend of so many years is that I am so scared he won't feel the same way. I just don't think I am ready for the heartache if he rejects. I am just trying to read his signs before I put myself out there. But I totally agree that if I don't speak up, I will never know, and may lose out on him.

[eightball61]

I just don't think I am ready for the heartache if he rejects. I am just trying to read his signs before I put myself out there.

If you don't want to take that chance of ruining the friendship then why are you proceeding this? Whether you face it now or latter his feelngs may not change. You could read his signs wrong then and proceed to ask him but only finding out you were wrong. Logically it doesn't really make a difference either way.....

[Diablo]

Uh, Eightball, love is an emotion that doesn't make any sense anyway. Greeneyedgirl, if he's acting all funky around you, it indicates that he feels the same way and is also reluctant to bring it up. At this point, unless he recipricates, you're gonna crash and burn regardless, so go ahead and invite him out to a romantic restaurant and read the vibes you get from him during the dinner. If the vibes are good, then come out and tell him you want to be more than friends.

[ivy]

Uh, Eightball, love is an emotion that doesn't make any sense anyway. Greeneyedgirl, if he's acting all funky around you, it indicates that he feels the same way and is also reluctant to bring it up. At this point, unless he recipricates, you're gonna crash and burn regardless, so go ahead and invite him out to a romantic restaurant and read the vibes you get from him during the dinner. If the vibes are good, then come out and tell him you want to be more than friends.

I agree with Diablo go for it. Take Diablo's advise and take him out to a nice romantic restaurant and see how it goes.

[eightball61]

Uh, Eightball, love is an emotion that doesn't make any sense anyway.

& this is why I am telling her to go for it anyway.