Help! is taking my life!

[CAW]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 1/2 years. We have a great relationship but our life sucks! I've noticed latley that I'll be in the mood and he has no desire to be intiment. He always has an excuse not to have . We poblabley have an average on 3x per month. I admit that I did "check up " on him though his computer activities and noticed that he visits sites. I have taked to him several times before and he denies that he looks at but about two weeks ago I told him that I new because of the history on his computer. A first he was upset but then he apologized and promised that he wouldn't do it agian. I told him that it didn't bother me as long as it didn't affect our life, but it has! I have since check his history on the computer and he has continued to visit the sites and it's continued to affect our life! Please someone help? :confused:

[eightball61]

You both are "boyfriend & girlfriend" and not yet "husband & wife". His constant lies are not making things to promising for any future developement in this relationship. You need to look at what he lacks now and try to make a judgement on as if you were to spend the rest of your life with him.

Only "he" will be able to change his habits. You could help by password protecting the computer or disconnecting the net........but why should you even do that? If you have to take away from your partner then thats not a healthy relationship......Think about it!!!

It's a no win situation but be proud you caught these habits before you both tied the knott.

[MDeezy]

I agree with eightball.

He has to change and want to change his habbits. I'm a bit suprised that he wouldnt look at less and instead spend that time being intamite with you.

I agree 9 1/2 years and still dating? I feel it should have been time to tie the knot a long time ago. Take a step back and see if your happy and want to pursue this further. Then with the give him an Ultimatum with he watching. If hemade a promise and broke it with you, that is a sign that shouldnt be ignored.

good luck.

[martin120db]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 1/2 years. We have a great relationship but our life sucks! I've noticed latley that I'll be in the mood and he has no desire to be intiment. He always has an excuse not to have . We poblabley have an average on 3x per month. I admit that I did "check up " on him though his computer activities and noticed that he visits sites. I have taked to him several times before and he denies that he looks at but about two weeks ago I told him that I new because of the history on his computer. A first he was upset but then he apologized and promised that he wouldn't do it agian. I told him that it didn't bother me as long as it didn't affect our life, but it has! I have since check his history on the computer and he has continued to visit the sites and it's continued to affect our life! Please someone help? :confused:

Sorry I am at a loss. Dating for 9 1/2 years? I think that there are some other issues other than in your life. Actually there are issues with your relationship and it is your life that is suffering because of it.

I like when women go straight to the issue when there is something going on in the bedroom. Granted if I hear a story and the " viewer" is doing things like hiding from his partner a good part of the time they are together in the same building, or is caught looking at kiddy , or animal , Then I will be the first to admit that there are serious problems.

There are bigger problems in you relationship if he does not want more from you.

Checking up on him "snooping" is an breach of trust.

And life most people, if you ask someone if they are doing something that is not socially accepted, they will deny it. It is like the women and issue, ten years ago women could not even imagine addmiting to someone that they manually stimulate themselves to climax. "What would they think of me?"

OK back to you. If you are still dating after 9 1/2 YEARS, and you are having problems in the bedroom, You are wanting to have a ual relationship with you best friend. I would guess to say that since he never had to make your relationship together a permanent thing in his life, then there is really no reason for him to stay in love with you. I would say he still loves you but as to whether he is still "in love " with you.

Be lucky you are getting the you are getting.

Advice: Talk with him about your life and your relationship. Open up and talk, re-ignite those feelings and passion you once had. Dont be afraid to ask what he wants from your lives. If he cares he will ask you what you want from your life. Dont accuse him about the relationship problems. Yes he is a part of it, but it does take two. start the talks now and figure out what you both want for the future.

Good Luck, tell us how it goes please.

[CAW]

I know 9 1/2 years is along time to be commited to one person without being married but I guess I should have mentioned we've been dating since we were 15 years old. (highschool sweethearts) now 25. We're both in college trying to finish our degrees before we get married. We are very commited to each other and have an open line of communication execpt when it comes to the bedroom. He looks at when I'm at work and by the time I get home he has already taken care of himself. Like I said, I have taked to him about it but it's almost an embarrassment to him. Besides this issue we're a great team. He tells me I love you twenty plus times a day!

[martin120db]

I know 9 1/2 years is along time to be commited to one person without being married but I guess I should have mentioned we've been dating since we were 15 years old. (highschool sweethearts) now 25. We're both in college trying to finish our degrees before we get married. We are very commited to each other and have an open line of communication execpt when it comes to the bedroom. He looks at when I'm at work and by the time I get home he has already taken care of himself. Like I said, I have taked to him about it but it's almost an embarrassment to him. Besides this issue we're a great team. He tells me I love you twenty plus times a day!


Sorry but it sounds like the spark is gone. He is still your friend, maybe even your best friend but that is about all it is now. A friendship. There is some reason why he is taking care of himself. There is a reason why he will not wait for you to take care of him ualy. There is a reason why he feels embarrassed to talk about the subject. With out him telling you what the reason is then you will feel even worse. Then you will come to resent him for it. Feeling lonely and rejected you might seek the comfort of another man. Some one who you think is acknowleging your beauty and feminity. but is really just exploiting your low self esteem.

Maybe I am wrong, but from here it lookes like a pattern that happens over and over again. If he loves you he will tell you, and he will make love to you.

Tell him you want it "O STYLE" and see what he does. Start it out by talking dirty to him all day long. Turn up the heat and see if he still can cook. If you two are 25, you should be humping like crack-heads.

If you dont get a reaction then you will know. I dont know but it sounded good. ok

good luck

[eightball61]

Besides this issue we're a great team. He tells me I love you twenty plus times a day!


There is a much bigger issue than the that you are ignoring right now & that issue is his constant lying to you......

[2BDMD]

Other factors to consider:

9.5 years can equal "boring" real quick. Let me just be the bad guy here, did you gain weight? Are you flat chested and your BF love tits? Bottom line, there's got to be something on those site that your BF enjoys or fantasize about or turns him on.

If your lacking in physical attraction, then your BF is turning to online excitement to fulfill what you're lacking. Plus, you should be a bit happy that it's only websites and he's not cheating on you with another hot girl!

Now, if you're hot as hell and you have a banging body AND your BF is wacking off to on the computer and not ing you...then we have a problem.

It's all visual girl, if you want us to be turned on by you, you've got to possess some physical traits that turn us on. Do you have those physical traits that your BF want?

Your looks when you were 15, 18, or at 21 can be very different from now when you're 25! Always self-evaluate before blamming others.

[Howard]

I'm sure he loves you but maybe he just likes to look at on the side.I don't think there's anything to worry about at the moment.

[martin120db]

Now, if you're hot as hell and you have a banging body AND your BF is wacking off to on the computer and not ing you...then we have a problem.


I like you, You make me laugh!!!


You reminded me of an old saying that my grandfather once told me. "If you show me a perfect woman, not far away I can show you a man that is tired of her."

I dont think her looks are the issue here. I think that is a very shallow assumption. It is something more. She said they are a great team, just not in the bedroom. And she wants to blame it on the . is just what he turned to. Something happened that broke the bond they once shared. Resentment and avoidance soon followed and has brought her to this conclusion. "It must be the !"

[Girl]

Um...just because he watches that doesn't mean the is affecting your or lack thereof. Quit making assumptions. You said it does affect your life. How do YOU know? Lying and trust issues seem to be the problem: You check up on him, he is fearful of telling you the truth for some odd reason, he says he won't look, you STILL check up on him.

[Howard]

Us Guys and Girls we all like to view once in a while but doesn't mean it's going to be that perfect person in the video that'll be your soul mate. only exploits people.They're only your imagination.But sometimes fantasy is ok.I'd choose reality.

[eightball61]

Um...just because he watches that doesn't mean the is affecting your or lack thereof. Quit making assumptions.

Since they're only having 3 times a month she isn't making assumptions. She wanted to find out why they weren't having more often and now she has found her answer.

[Girl]

Since they're only having 3 times a month she isn't making assumptions. She wanted to find out why they weren't having more often and now she has found her answer.

Read her last post. She said they have open communication except for when it comes to the bedroom. So unless she isn't tell us something, then yes, she is making assumptions. She can blame it on all she wants, that doesn't mean it's at fault.

[eightball61]

Read her last post. She said they have open communication except for when it comes to the bedroom. So unless she isn't tell us something, then yes, she is making assumptions. She can blame it on all she wants, that doesn't mean it's at fault.


Did you ever hear the term " All words and no action"?

Communication means nothing unless the person(s) involved puts their words into action. I am willing to bet anything that he wants something new and he using to furfill his needs. It's a selfish way to put it but it happens.

You need to understand that in longterm relationships partners tend get bored of each other from time to time. It doesn't mean that they are not interestd in their partner. When partners go through these phases they either prefer not to have at all or furfill their needs on other routes such as .

[Diabla]

Did you ever hear the term " All words and no action"?

Communication means nothing unless the person(s) involved puts their words into action. I am willing to bet anything that he wants something new and he using to furfill his needs. It's a selfish way to put it but it happens.

You need to understand that in longterm relationships partners tend get bored of each other from time to time. It doesn't mean that they are not interestd in their partner. When partners go through these phases they either prefer not to have at all or furfill their needs on other routes such as .


and of course fooling around don't forget that one. is always more fun when you got more then one. :D At least that is what I think. Who wants to just have one? I think it is against our nature to just have with one person for a life time. It should always spice up things for the other partner though. More ideas on new things should make things much more satisfying. Use protection always ;) :eek:

[ivy]

and of course fooling around don't forget that one. is always more fun when you got more then one. :D At least that is what I think. Who wants to just have one? I think it is against our nature to just have with one person for a life time. It should always spice up things for the other partner though. More ideas on new things should make things much more satisfying. Use protection always ;) :eek:
Are you really happy living like that? Or are you just joking?

[Diabla]

Are you really happy living like that? Or are you just joking?


No I'm not joking. One partner could never be enough for me. :eek: I do like to keep the same ones for long term because it takes time to learn what each person likes. I think that is the way it was meant to be! The only thing is way back in bible times it was the guys that had all the partners. That is not right.

[kitty2005]

I have a similar situation. I'm 6 months pregnant. I've gained ohhh....20 pounds so far. Not tooo much but enuff....But let's face it....My finace is 5'10 250lbs...he was 175 when we met....Anyway....I found some porm mags one day...And our life is NOT great at all....We have maybe once a week...And I ALWAYS have to initiate it...He never seems to want to have with me....I bought y little shorts b/c he's a booty man....I make sure I look cute at least 90% of the time....I told him I found the mags and he said he threw them away but I found them again. He wont talk to me about it b/c he says he's ashamed. Like this last girl I dont mind if he looks at them as long as they are NOT replacing me! Is it just that I'm pregnant and he's not as attracted to me...I was nice and slim before hand....But I can't get him to talk about it....I'm doing everything I can to get him to WANT to have with me....I know he's not cheating b/c he comes calls me on his way into work everyday and on his way home everyday....from work...Plus he's FAT...I dont know that anyone would want to have with him....Anway....anything thoughts?

[Diabla]

I have a similar situation. I'm 6 months pregnant. I've gained ohhh....20 pounds so far. Not tooo much but enuff....But let's face it....My finace is 5'10 250lbs...he was 175 when we met....Anyway....I found some porm mags one day...And our life is NOT great at all....We have maybe once a week...And I ALWAYS have to initiate it...He never seems to want to have with me....I bought y little shorts b/c he's a booty man....I make sure I look cute at least 90% of the time....I told him I found the mags and he said he threw them away but I found them again. He wont talk to me about it b/c he says he's ashamed. Like this last girl I dont mind if he looks at them as long as they are NOT replacing me! Is it just that I'm pregnant and he's not as attracted to me...I was nice and slim before hand....But I can't get him to talk about it....I'm doing everything I can to get him to WANT to have with me....I know he's not cheating b/c he comes calls me on his way into work everyday and on his way home everyday....from work...Plus he's FAT...I dont know that anyone would want to have with him....Anway....anything thoughts?


Does he like oral? Maybe if you surprise him he won't be able to resist you. Most guys love that. Maybe his fat is keeping him from wanting . Maybe he feels unattractive. I hope you don't tell him he is fat. He could have fears of hurting the baby too. Tell him you will be on top and then he won't worry about hurting the baby.

[eightball61]

He wont talk to me about it b/c he says he's ashamed.


Most people are ashamed when talking about this stuff. It's very discouraging when you think the problem is solved but then you latter find out that it's still going on. The best thing you can do in these situations is ok him to look at the magazines instead of hiding it but you want more of a life.

[CAW]

If your lacking in physical attraction, then your BF is turning to online excitement to fulfill what you're lacking.

I not being arrogant but I haven't changed much since we've met. My hair is straight now instead of curly and I'm a C-cup instead of a A- cup. I think I've improve since we've first met. I also work out everyday so I'm nice and toned. He's a butt man anyway! Anyway, I have tried some of your suggestions and things are going a lot better. I think I was looking for somthing to blame our bedroom problems on so was an easy outlet. We've talked a lot since my first post and things are diffently more confortable in the bedroom we've started talking more about what turns each other on. So thanks to everyone for your input, I think we're going to be just fine!

[martin120db]

One partner could never be enough for me.


If you are single and are dating other singles, it should not hurt any one. But for poeple that are in serious relationships, it is not a healthy practice. Also if you are the "other man" or "Other woman" getting in between two poeple in a relationship, that is just bad karma waiting to bite you in the ass. Sound very vacant and selfish to insert ones self into someone elses life and relationship all for the sake of "getting some"

Casual does not exsist, we form emotional bonds to poeple wether we want to or not. it is not something we can control. even if we say we can.

It is why nature has allowed us as humans to have only one child at a time a majority of the time. It is a bonding issue.

Try not to get swept up in what society has to say about and love. Follow your heart. And do what is best for you.

[eightball61]

My hair is straight now instead of curly and I'm a C-cup instead of a A- cup. [QUOTE=CAW]

Did you enhanced your breast size for him?

[QUOTE=CAW]
We've talked a lot since my first post and things are diffently more confortable in the bedroom we've started talking more about what turns each other on. So thanks to everyone for your input, I think we're going to be just fine!


You have heard those words before and he still went behind your back. I do prey he keeps to his words this time and that you both stay on the right path.

Goodluck :)

[ivy]

You have heard those words before and he still went behind your back. I do prey he keeps to his words this time and that you both stay on the right path.

Goodluck :)


This whole thread has me so confused! I kind of feel like I am reading a soap opera I think I may be getting posters confused here.Not you 8ball but the other posters. I better go back and try to make sense of it all! Maybe I just need a good nights sleep.