bachelorette party

[teejaye18]

ok heres my dilema. i recently broke up with someone i was in love with. i havnt talked to him since. he told me to leave him alone and that he hates me now. anyway he lives with a couple. they are friends of mine too and they are having theyre bachelor/bachelorette parties over the weekend. i was invited to go so since it is a party for girls my ex wont be there so i figured i could go and have a good time but the guys will be coming home later on to finish partying there. i dont know how much fun i will have at the party because the whole time i will be worried that the ex will show up unexpectedly. so do i go to the party and maybe try and leave early or do i just not go at all???

[Mattey]

Go to the party, im sorry but its his problem not yours... Your letting him dictate how you live your life when your not even with him anymore. Im betting he doesnt hate you at all, sounds more like he's trying to make you feel bad for what was probably his own fault.

Dont play his games, do what you want to do and to hell with him.

If the situation arises that he does turn up and you feel like leaving, just make it very clear to everyone around you that he doesnt want you there ;)

[teejaye18]

i do want to go to the party i mean after all the bachelorette is my friend too. i want to go and have fun but at the same time my ex lives with this couple and i am sort of entering his territory. i almost feel like im intruding or something. i just dont want him to come home early and see me there and freak out and ruin everyones night.

[eightball61]

Why let him ruin your fun? :confused:

My suggestion is that you go to this party because there will be plenty of people for you to associate with. If he does show up then stay away and keep to who's closest to you. If you find you are getting bothered by his presence then leave the party.

[teejaye18]

i dont want him to ruin my fun. i probably will go to the party anyway but im just trying to respect his wishes. after we broke up he asked me to stay away from him and leave him alone cus its too hard for him to be around me when were not together anymore. i understood that completely cus its the same for me. so i just feel like i shouldnt go to the party cus its at HIS house.

[MDeezy]

Wow its at his house. I can understand that you may not feel as comfortable in the same room as him, and wanting to leave would be the natural thing to do, but just stay try to have fun and not pay any attention to him, it should help you get over him. And I'm sure he'll be eyeing you to see if your having fun or not, and it will burn a whole in his chest to see you having fun with others.

Go and have fun, you live your life and he will live his.

[teejaye18]

well i feel i already hurt him enought through our relationship. i dont want to go to this party to have fun and rub it in his face. i wanna go and have fun for myself but i also want to stay out of his way and make sure he has a fun night also. after our terrible break up we both need a fun night out

[eightball61]

so i just feel like i shouldnt go to the party cus its at HIS house.


If you feel this way then don't go.........

If you keep holding out though you will soon find that your friends will no longer invite you to do stuff with them. If you don't go then explain to them "why" but I do hope they can understand. :rolleyes:

Please don't feel forced to go to this party. Do what your inner thoughts are guiding you to do. As I said, it wouldn't hurt to try to go and leave if you feel bothered.

[teejaye18]

well that is another part of my problem i dont have a car so i wont have a ride home. i might just have to wear comfortable shoes and walk home.

[eightball61]

well i feel i already hurt him enought through our relationship.


Personally, I think it's time to grown up. How many times do we have to go through in your threads of you blaming yourself(this is why I was cautioned to respond). It's such a pity that he has this much power over you. You need to try seeing the bright side of not being in this relationship anymore and begin to realize the real jerk he is........

[Mattey]

As much as you may think itll hurt you both, you may well find that seeing eachother actually having a good time might be a good thing :)

[teejaye18]

It's such a pity that he has this much power over you.



thats cus im in love with him. its hard to let go. but i know he shouldnt have that much power over me

[eightball61]

thats cus im in love with him.



Why do you love him? Do you love abuse? Do you love pain? What is it going to take for you to realize reality? Sure these things take "time" but you need to start by believing the real person he is. Your mind is stuck on what he once was like. The reality is he will never be that person again. This is who he is and you need to accept that or you'll never be able to move on.

I just fear that you may go back with him :rolleyes:

[teejaye18]

no i dont think i will get back with him. our relationship was not good we fought a lot. i would be amazed if he even wanted to get back with me. if we did get back together a lot would have to change and i dont think it will. so i dont think we'll be getting back together

[SALly]

If you want to go, I would say go for a while. When it gets a little late then leave before the guys arrive (if you dont' want to see the ex).

[SALly]

AND I would imagine you dont' want to cause any trouble for your friends' parties and have a big fight break out or have other people feel uncomfortable. Like i said- leave before the guys arrive!

[teejaye18]

ya i think i am gonna go to the party and try to leave early so i dont run into the ex but i dont know if ill have a ride home and its a long walk home so that is kind of holding me back from going

[SALly]

Well then - don't go. It's probably not really any big deal.

[teejaye18]

i know its so confusing though cus if me and the ex are in the same room togther i dont want him to cause a big fight and ruin the night for my friend. but this is her bachelorette party-no guys. i wont be able to go to her wedding or reception party because the ex will be there this is the only time i can see her to celebrate her getting married

[eightball61]

no i dont think i will get back with him. our relationship was not good we fought a lot. i would be amazed if he even wanted to get back with me. if we did get back together a lot would have to change and i dont think it will. so i dont think we'll be getting back together

Your obviously not ready for any of this to happen. As we have gone over before it's going to take time to get over him. The biggest issue is that your friends are his friends. You need to tell your friends that's its going to take time before you can hang with them like old times. Good friends will understand your thoughts to this. You need to keep them posted so they don't think otherwise.

As to the original topic, I still believe you should go but don't go if you feel it's going to be a mess. You have to realize that sooner or latter your gonna have to face them and him being around. The only way for you to get stronger if face these kinds of situations little by little instead of hiding from it.

[teejaye18]

ya well im sure i will go and have fun hopefully i can leave before he gets back if not then hopefully he doesnt flip out cus i shouldnt have a problem being around him but he might have a problem with it

[SALly]

i do want to go to the party i mean after all the bachelorette is my friend too. i want to go and have fun but at the same time my ex lives with this couple and i am sort of entering his territory. i almost feel like im intruding or something. i just dont want him to come home early and see me there and freak out and ruin everyones night.
He lives with them??? I would say just sit out this party. Would it kill you to miss a party? I understand that you "want" to go, and you do have the right to go- but is it worth it---especially if a big incident occurs.

[eightball61]

The final decision whether to go or not is yours to make. You came here confused and needed guidence. We have given you our thoughts so now it's time to put it all together and make a decision. Remember, you should still talk to your friends and let them know "what & how" you are feeling. Your friends are there to help and guide you. You also have to remember that this issue is between you & him and they are still going to be friends with the both you unless one screws up.

[SALly]

I agree and that's good advice. I agree you need to hang out with your friends, even the mutual ones. I just dont' think "this" party night is the time to do it...unless you really do leave. BUT you said you would "try" to leave before he got there...almost like you probably really wouldn't. Like time would slip away from you because really you wanted to see him. It just doesn't seem like the time. I don't know if drinking will be going on but that won't be good if he ends up angry. And relationship/ ual talk will probably be going on considering it's a bachelor party that he is at. Just be careful!

[teejaye18]

He lives with them??? I would say just sit out this party. Would it kill you to miss a party? I understand that you "want" to go, and you do have the right to go- but is it worth it---especially if a big incident occurs.


yes he lives with them. i dont want to miss this party cus its the only time ill be able to celebrate with her cus i wont be able to make it to her wedding

[teejaye18]

and yes everyone will be drinking which doesnt really help my situation any. so thanks for the advice guys

[eightball61]

and yes everyone will be drinking which doesnt really help my situation any. so thanks for the advice guys


You can still have a good time without drinking. ;)

[SALly]

yes he lives with them. i dont want to miss this party cus its the only time ill be able to celebrate with her cus i wont be able to make it to her wedding
I'm sure there will be other times to party.

[teejaye18]

You can still have a good time without drinking. ;)



that is true and i thought about that andi dont think i am going to be drinking especially because if i do go to this party in order to leave in time to avoid seeing the ex i may very well have to walk home. an underage girl that is drunk and walking home(which may take me over an hour to get home) on darkened streets is never a good thing

[eightball61]

Your best bet would be not to drink under these conditions. If you wanted to drink then stay home. You should have a clear mind so you can make a positive decision if he was to show up.

[teejaye18]

yes that why when i got invited i knew and decided that it would be best if i didnt drink

[eightball61]

Since you kinda have it all together it's time for you to make a decision. We can't make this decision for you as I stated earlier. You are in a bind but the only way to help yourself out is to face the challenges instead of hiding from them.

I wish you luck & please let us know how it went:)

[SALly]

Since you kinda have it all together it's time for you to make a decision. We can't make this decision for you as I stated earlier. You are in a bind but the only way to help yourself out is to face the challenges instead of hiding from them.

I wish you luck & please let us know how it went:)
I'm sure she will decide to go-- BUT 8ball I dont' think it is hiding if she chooses not to go this time.

[teejaye18]

ok thanks a bunch ill let you know how it went