Is he lying to me?

[bevanluv]

Ok i really need as many replies to this as possible... As some of you may be aware i've been with my boyfirend for 4 months and we have a great r/ship except for the fights... Now i never thought that he would cheat on me it never crossed my mind! He was as good as i could ask for when it came to that, he always was home, never went out with out me bar once or twice... But last night he got a msg and i never usually pick up his phone as he is very private with it.. but i did and it said..

KIRSTEN
hey babe, sorry i didnt answer your calls all day but i was sick in bed ive just woken up to eat tea and im going back to bed, talk to u tomorrow. Love you xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now ive seen calls to this name before but he claims she is a great friend from qld and she has a boyfriend! He also says that 90% of his female friends talk to him in this manner and its totally ok!Am i being paraniod? or do you think he is hiding something from me? please help! thanks so much!

[Girl]

Yes, you're being paranoid. You should be asking yourself, "Why is this woman eating tea?"

[ivy]

Yes, you're being paranoid. You should be asking yourself, "Why is this woman eating tea?"


LOL sorry but it did strike me as funny. Now on the other hand I am not too sure she is being paranoid. It seems there is a part of his life he keeps private from her. I don;t know but I don't think I would have liked to see that kind of msg on my husbands phone when he was alive.

[bevanluv]

but why would she call him babe? and say love you with xoxoxoxoxo? thats wot im concerned about..

[Mattey]

I do have female friends who speak to me like that....

I dont want to impose my past problems on this, but to cut a long story short i got very close to some of my female friends when i had troubles in my last relationship (gf pushed me away emotionaly and intimately). Basically i found people i could talk to about my problems and became very close friends with some of them.

So please look at your relationship and make sure that nothing has changed on either side.

He obviously knows you read that message so why dont you simply ask him to ask his female friends to tone it down a bit? Ive had to in the past.

If it happens again maybe you could get in touch with her and tell her who you are, you might upset your bf, but then again you did warn him :p

[eightball61]

KIRSTEN
hey babe, sorry i didnt answer your calls all day but i was sick in bed ive just woken up to eat tea and im going back to bed, talk to u tomorrow. Love you xoxoxoxoxoxoxo




My toughts differ here........I do see Matty's view by close friends talking like this but if your BF would have never seen this to be an issue then you would have known about this close friendship sooner than a text message. To me, this issue needs to be look at deeper and not brushed away. If this women is such a close friend then invite her over one night for you all to have some tea ;) Really though, if he had nothing to hide then he would have no problem with his GF meeting a close friend of his.

[bevanluv]

If this women is such a close friend then invite her over one night for you all to have some tea ;)

Thanks for the suggestion but the only thing stopping me from doing this is my bf originates from QLD and 'claims' that she is from QLD also... but i dont know what to believe as he hasnt told me ANYTHING about his past or introduced me to his friends/ family as theyre alot of them are from queensland... so now what do u think with this new info?

[Girl]

You've not been together very long, so that could explain him not introducing you to anyone. You both fight too much...why not worry about that? Or the fact that you can't trust him?

[eightball61]

Thanks for the suggestion but the only thing stopping me from doing this is my bf originates from QLD and 'claims' that she is from QLD also... but i dont know what to believe as he hasnt told me ANYTHING about his past or introduced me to his friends/ family as theyre alot of them are from queensland... so now what do u think with this new info?

You both should have a goal to grow together and not apart. If you want this relationship to go further than these 4 months then you will need to give some slack. It takes time for a person to go through years of data about their life. Some of that data is always best not to be shared.

My question to you is: Did he tell you that he will evently talk about friends and family? or did he tell you flat out that it's none of your business?

[Diabla]

Thanks for the suggestion but the only thing stopping me from doing this is my bf originates from QLD and 'claims' that she is from QLD also... but i dont know what to believe as he hasnt told me ANYTHING about his past or introduced me to his friends/ family as theyre alot of them are from queensland... so now what do u think with this new info?


ahh heck find yourself a new man. You don't believe him so leave him ;)

[bevanluv]

My question to you is: Did he tell you that he will evently talk about friends and family? or did he tell you flat out that it's none of your business?

He has told me bits about his family but i havent met them and only one or two know about me, like his friends, he said that some things arent my busniess and i think he is keeping just a little two much from me. I understand that everyone has family issuses that remain in the family but that isnt what i'm worried about, he claims to be in one of Australias richest families and to own 2 houses and viechles, but he hasnt anything to show for in sydney, like he is runing from something... He thinks that lying to me will win me over but i dont care if he is peenyless or anything as money doesnt make the person, and i didnt fall in love with him for that as he never showers me with any amount of money at all, in my eyes he is a little broke and i have to help him out from time to time... I can already see signs of him being just a little bit of a bull shit artist.. if u know what i mean. He is my age which means in some cases i can be a little bit more mature, i do give him allowences for this fact, but he says to me that he has had a dark past and tells me bits of it, stuff he knows i wouldnt want to know like his past ual partners and experiences that sicken me.. but he will say it with a smile on his face...

Anyway, he came home last night after all day at work and was very understanding towards me and very helpfull. He told me that he realises that he doesnt help around the house and that he will pick up his act and make it work.. So i dont know if he is putting on an act or he really does love me!

[eightball61]

Is he close with his family?

[bevanluv]

Is he close with his family?
He is with some of the members and contacts his mother every day as she isnt very well, why is that?

[eightball61]

I really don't know what to think here :confused: Part of me is saying "tell her to give it more time" while my other thoughts are saying that "somethig wrong here".................

I really do find it odd that only a few people know about you. It puts a "red flag" in my head on why he is sooooo secretive. These family members and friends that he talks to on a regular basis should know about you. This is how I feel and I think its wrong that they don't at this time. You need to know what the hold up is. The problem is that I doubt he will ever tell you. It's your choice but I am really thinking you'll have a rough time trying to get a future going with this guy.

[Jennycat]

I have many close male friends and we speak to one another that way. It's perfectly innocent and totally platonic. However, you've only been with this guy a relatively short time, and it COULD mean more. I suggest bringing up the subject, but not in an accusitory fashion. Don't put him on the defensive, but tell him you picked up the message and were a bit thrown by the tone of it. I'm sure he will be able to appreciate your concern and if nothing is really going on, he will be sensitive to your needs and tone it down a bit
.
However, if you detect any behavior that would indicate he's feeling guilty, maybe there's more to it.

[bevanluv]

[QUOTE=eightball61]I really don't know what to think here :confused: Part of me is saying "tell her to give it more time" while my other thoughts are saying that "somethings wrong here".................QUOTE]

Maybe it sounds worse than it is, but that is how i feel, if my feelings werent as strongly towards him as they are than it wouldnt be a problem for me to 'get rid of him' The other problem is i consider my self to be week, in saying that i mean... in past relationships i've been in similar situations where i'm sus about my partner cheating but not acting on it untill they've had enough sneaking around me and brake it off... but with this guy, it never crossed my mind, partly cos i didnt wanna dwell on the past as it isnt healthy but also cos he never gave me reason to think it! He is always with me unless at work and if i think that he is up to know good at work thats obsessive right? he has only had 2 times with the 'boys' with out me, and he dosent push the issue to do things with out me so i dont know if maybe ive taken this out of preportion. My only problem is that if i think this way now and put this in the past as a misunderstanding if i was right, this may effect me in the future when we are even more involved and i've left my job and family to move up to QLD with him and than i see things that will effect us... i'm very worried about that.. but seriously should i give it all up over just one msg... thats not enough proof! I'm just so confused!!!
What are you guys thinking???

[eightball61]

I guess the only thing you can do at this point is to wait and see what happens down the road.......

[ivy]

I guess the only thing you can do at this point is to wait and see what happens down the road.......

Yeah I think that is what you should do at this point wait bevanluv.You need to open up communication with your guy, and you need to take a look at your past and see if that is coloring your views now. The other thing I am wondering is if the idea of moving away makes you feel a bit insecure and if (not on purpose) but subconsciously you aren't thinking of this as a way out of moving away?

I don't know if I am making any sense to you in what I am saying but moving away can be a big step and maybe the fear of that is coloring your views also. I too have mixed feelings as 8ball said above. Give it time examine your feelings and sort through it all. I hope it all turns out well for you! Keep us posted. It really does help to get your thoughts out there and to have people give there ideas. Sometimes it helps to get a more clear idea in your head.

[Rich]

What struck me as funny in the original posting was where you said that, "we have a great relationship, except for the fighting."

Like saying that he's a great guy except for the murders that he commits.

You can love many people, in the life time, but you should only be affectionate to the person that you're with.

If you were married and these types of conversations took place, then I'd be worried. It seems these girls were before you and you're only dating a short time.

Don't be too paranoid, but do be blind either. Build up the trust. If you can't trust him over time, then it must be your inner guidance telling you that this is no good.

Trust your gut.

[Howard]

You can love many people, in the life time, but you should only be affectionate to the person that you're with.

That's a great quote Rich,I love it. :)