confused2011
12-11-2011, 12:04 AM
I have been with a guy for almost 5 years. We are both previously divorced and have grown children who do not live with us. He moved in with me a couple of months after we met. About a month later I discovered he had a drinking problem. I fell in love with him before that, he is a very kind gentle man.
I would get really hurt when he drank because he would act differently, mainly just focusing on drinking at that moment and didn't want to stop. The next day I was hurt because I felt a lot of things, like him not wanting to be with me, him saying I was no fun because I didn't want to drink that much or that amount of time. So I guess to hurt him back I was cold to him. We were always nice to each other, I just would more ignore him, like I felt he was doing to me when he was drinking.
This has happened off and on for most of the relationship.
Seems like each time it would happen I would feel more and more disconnected from him.
I have asked him over and over if he really wants to be with me or if he wants the life he had before me. He would say, "I'm here aren't I?"
Anyway I have told him at different times that he should probably move out. He has never communicated very well with me. It was usually just a one sided conversation.
A week ago I changed the lock and he moved out some clothes. He called me at my work and told me that he had done that and asked if he could leave the rest of his things at my place until he could find a place to keep them.
I know it has only been 1 week, but I do want to tell him that I want to work on ALL of our problems ( I have told him this before, suggesting counseling).
I feel that I have not been very understanding of his problem. I called him once and he said "we just have different ways of having fun", but he did say we had a lot of fun times together. He said he wasn't doing very good and asked how I was doing. He was at work and had to go. Said talk to you later. I thought maybe he would call me the next day but he didn't. Nor the next day. So that night I broke down and called him. He didn't answer or has he called me back today. I didn't even get the chance to tell him I was willing to work on things if he was willing too. I said I love you.
Now I am really upset and feel like I should have done more to work on things. I want to call him, but I probably have to accept that it is over.
I would get really hurt when he drank because he would act differently, mainly just focusing on drinking at that moment and didn't want to stop. The next day I was hurt because I felt a lot of things, like him not wanting to be with me, him saying I was no fun because I didn't want to drink that much or that amount of time. So I guess to hurt him back I was cold to him. We were always nice to each other, I just would more ignore him, like I felt he was doing to me when he was drinking.
This has happened off and on for most of the relationship.
Seems like each time it would happen I would feel more and more disconnected from him.
I have asked him over and over if he really wants to be with me or if he wants the life he had before me. He would say, "I'm here aren't I?"
Anyway I have told him at different times that he should probably move out. He has never communicated very well with me. It was usually just a one sided conversation.
A week ago I changed the lock and he moved out some clothes. He called me at my work and told me that he had done that and asked if he could leave the rest of his things at my place until he could find a place to keep them.
I know it has only been 1 week, but I do want to tell him that I want to work on ALL of our problems ( I have told him this before, suggesting counseling).
I feel that I have not been very understanding of his problem. I called him once and he said "we just have different ways of having fun", but he did say we had a lot of fun times together. He said he wasn't doing very good and asked how I was doing. He was at work and had to go. Said talk to you later. I thought maybe he would call me the next day but he didn't. Nor the next day. So that night I broke down and called him. He didn't answer or has he called me back today. I didn't even get the chance to tell him I was willing to work on things if he was willing too. I said I love you.
Now I am really upset and feel like I should have done more to work on things. I want to call him, but I probably have to accept that it is over.