More than just friends?

[CoachJAM]

Hello,

I have been friends with this woman for a year now. We met at work and we have created a great platonic friendship. We have traveled together, we spend a lot of time outside of work together. We can talk about our relationships and dates. I guess to her I'm her female friend that she can confide in and she is my male buddy that I can talk to. I think that she is the most incredible woman that I have ever met. I'm 37 male and she is 25 female. I have feelings for her but, I feel that she does NOT have any for me other than friends. We flirt and act goofy together, because of that others think that we are together but we say that we are not. I tell others that I may have feelings for her but I don't want to say anything to her because I don't want to destroy what we have created. I guess the question is should I tell her? If I tell her I feel that we will interrupt what we have started as friends. If I tell her I will lose the closeness that we share now as friends. I have never had a friend like this so I am not sure how to handle this. I may be in love with her but, I hold all my feelings in to spare the friendship.

[Girl]

"Monogamous friendship"?
Explain please.

[ivy]

Hello,

I have been friends with this woman for a year now. We met at work and we have created a great monogamous friendship. We have traveled together, we spend a lot of time outside of work together. We can talk about our relationships and dates. I guess to her I'm her female friend that she can confide in and she is my male buddy that I can talk to. I think that she is the most incredible woman that I have ever met. I'm 37 male and she is 25 female. I have feelings for her but, I feel that she does NOT have any for me other than friends. We flirt and act goofy together, because of that others think that we are together but we say that we are not. I tell others that I may have feelings for her but I don't want to say anything to her because I don't want to destroy what we have created. I guess the question is should I tell her? If I tell her I feel that we will interrupt what we have started as friends. If I tell her I will lose the closeness that we share now as friends. I have never had a friend like this so I am not sure how to handle this. I may be in love with her but, I hold all my feelings in to spare the friendship.


You may need to take the chace and tell her. Find out if she feels the same. Let her know you don't want to lose the friendship. What exactly do you mean by monogamous friendship?

[eightball61]

If you have these feelings for her then you should let her know. She is a close friend to you and has the right to know how you feel. For all you know she may share the same feelings and could be in the same boat as you. Yes, you will be taking a risk but the relationship still could be saved. It may be uncomfortable for a while but if you find a way to accept her feelings then you both should be able to carry out the friendship.

Goodluck and please keep us informed. :)

[CoachJAM]

Sorry, I meant "platonic"....... I was thinking of something else at the time....

[Mattey]

Maybe you could arrange to do stuff together, like a few days out?
She wont be too keen if she's not interested at all.

Might i suggest a few drinks together, just make a bit of a joke about how you feel. "you know its silly but sometimes i feel like your more than a friend" (or similar).
If she doesnt feel that way she'll take it as a joke, if she does she'll tell you.

If she admits to having similar feelings but is very very hesitant then your probably dealing with a girl who needs her friends, parents, brothers, sisters, dogs and goldfish to approve of you before she'll go out with you. What you do there is entirely up to you :p

[coolguy05]

I agree you should tell her. Nothing ventured is nothing gained. All I can advise is that, yes, be prepared for her to turn you down, and if so, if you guys were so close friends to begin with, you should be able to resume your friendship with her, even if not immidialty. i wish you best of luck man.

peace.

[Scarlet]

Oh, can I give advice here. I am in an exact same situation. Hey do I know you? heh

We have worked together for almost 3 years. Same thing, we flirt around and we are always joking around. I'm sure people around the office is starting to wonder.

On occasion we have had a few drinks with each other and nothings happened, we go along our marry little way. We talk about relationships, , life, etc, truthfully we are a scary perfect match.

We hit a little bump in the road last weekend. A little too much to drink and a weird morning to follow. But my god it was awesome!!!! ;)

Last night he set me up for a safety net and coaxed me to jump, only for me to fall flat on my face. I admitted to kind of liking him a little more than friends. Sorry that I've done that now, because I may have lost a friend.

I wish I would have kept that advice to myself and let nature take its course with a little directional help from me from time to time.

I will let you know that women react differently. If you tell her, that you care about her than more than a friend, she will start thinking about it and weighing her options. Most of us realize a good thing when we have it and will take use of it.

I've noticed men are more weirded out by the truth. They will start thinking of entrapment and commitment and etc. and go running the opposite way.

So with that said, feel it out, drop little hints, set up little special moments and see where it goes. Most women won't get intimate with just a friend, either you’re a stranger or somebody she cares a great deal about.

Sorry for the novel, just wanted to let you know I got your back and I understand.

[greeneyedgirl23]

Hello!

You say that you are 37 and that she is 25. Well, have you been married or have any children? I ask this because I am curious as to how far ahead of her you are emotionally, and mentally. Is she really mature for her age?

I am curious because I am around her age, and everybody is different and are in different places in their lives at different ages. This isn't that huge of an age gap, especially being that she is in her mid twenties, but do you think that if the feelings are mutual, she would be on the same page as you are right now? Just something to think about.

As for having feelings for her, I think that it is good to be honest about the way you feel, (not that i have enough nerve with the boy in my life). But if you feel that you are in love with her, it will only get harder to keep the feelings inside as time goes on, and it may cause wierdness anyway. You should find a good time to talk about what the two of you want out of life and in the future, then if it sounds like you are on the same track you should go for it.

keep us posted!

[CoachJAM]

Hello,

I'm the original post..

I appreciate all the responses and advice. Thanks to everyone!

To the last post...

I've been divorced for 7yrs now and I don't have any children. She has never been married and has no children either.

I believe that she is at a stage in her life where she wants to be in a relationship. I see her date all these guys and she gets dissapointed so easy because she is way ahead of all of them in maturity and where they are in there lives. She knows what she wants but the men that she dates has no clue how to take care of her. I listen to her about how she wants to be treated and to me its sooo simple as too what she wants out of these relationships. Sure, I'm a little older and I do have an understanding on how a relationship should work but the guys she dates have no clue.

She has a great head on her shoulders and her values in life are well organized. The real attraction that I have for her is what she is going to be..... Her ideas of being a wife, mother and a lifelong partner are very appealing to me and any man that is ready for a relationship would think the same.

I'm starting to ramble here.......

Last week we took a trip to Missouri for 3 days and we had a great time... we get along so well. I work with her but she works in another building so I dont see her all the time..... Ok, I didn't see her for a week after our trip........

I had a first date last night with someone I just met...and we had a great time..... I'm thinking ok.... I met someone with potential and I feel good about it......

Well, today I see (the friend) for the first time because she had my digital camera that I was picking up from our trip......... I see her and I'm like ......gees... she looks great and I give her a hug...... and its like what am I doing....... all these feelings come about and ......... I feel like I cant date anyone else when I have feelings for this person.....I dont think its fair to anyone.......

I think everyone is right .......I need to tell her .....even if its to just get it off my chest....and to bring it out into the open.......

I have to take the chance....... If she does not feel the same way.... I think we can still be friends....

Now I just have to get the nerve up..............

[eightball61]

Now I just have to get the nerve up..............


& when you do find that nerve let us know how it went...... ;)