Heartache777
09-01-2005, 04:36 PM
Hello everyone. My name is Heartache777 and here is my story.
I’ve been dating this girl for the past 10 months, and I’m madly in love. We started dating a month after her boyfriend dumped her. Yes, I was the rebound, and like many rebound relationships, it worked out well for the first several months, before she began acting different. As soon as I noticed that her behavior changed, I called her out on it until she finally admitted that she still had feelings for her ex-boyfriend. She asked that we take a step back, but that she still wanted to see me exclusively. I said, “Ok, that’s natural”, so I stuck it out.
The course of the relationship has been a little roller coaster ride. Every time that I think we’re on our way to getting more serious, she becomes a bit distant for quite sometime. And I always find out that she had some contact with the ex which confused and upset her. I’m not going to get into all the details because I could write a book, so here are my issues.
1. For the past several months I’ve been telling her it’s time we got more serious, however, she refuses to give me the title. Now I’m a 29 year-old adult, and at my age maybe I shouldn’t care, however, there is just something that bothers me about her not recognizing that we’re an item. It’s almost as if she’s trying to remain available for her ex or possibly others? However, to her credit, we are dating “exclusively” and she isn’t seeing anyone else. Further, 90% of the time that she’s free, she’s with me.
2. I feel that she takes advantage of my generosity, kindness, and heart. Our relationship is very one-sided as I give much more than what I receive.
3. During the first six months, there were times when I felt she was lying to me about not having contact with her ex. This lead to some “psycho” behavior on my part. I once showed up to her house unexpectedly because she didn’t return any of my calls on a night when we had plans. I drove to her house and caught her ex showing up to her place to fix (that’s what she told me) her computer at 1130 p.m. I actually knocked on the door after he went in and she answered in shock. I told her it was over, but she ran out to comfort me saying that he’d invited himself over and that she’d get rid of him immediately. After two minutes of waiting in my car, he finally left.
Some time after that, I saw her typing her email password and I later logged into her account. Curiosity and lack of trust got the best of me. I found several emails where she was talking to friends about being confused about her ex. In a few of those emails she admitted to meeting up with him a few times to talk. In a nutshell, I found a world of lies she’d been covering up. I also found a password to some networking website she always frequents. When I logged in there, I almost had a heart attack. Occasionally, she’d flirt and several times she gave her number out.
After discovering these things, my insides began eat me up, and one day when she said she was going to go to the movies with her ex as friends, I snapped and told her I’d had it. I confessed to knowing about the emails and the friend networking site and she flipped. She comforted me and assured me that she was over her ex and that she was only giving out her number with the intentions of making more friends. Regarding the ex, she stated that she was only friends with him and wouldn’t see him after that one movie date. Soon thereafter, I gave her the opportunity to bail if she wasn’t happy with me, but she again reassured me that she has strong feelings for me and only wants to see me.
September 1, 2005 – We’ve battled through some ups and downs, but we’re still dating. I feel that she has gotten over her ex for the most part, but there are a few things I still don’t like about her. For example, last week she practically started a fight with me over the minutest thing so as to create space and break plans with me. I thought this was extremely immature and it put me through some unnecessary suffering. Second, she often compares me to the ex saying stuff like, “Well he use to be able to do that” or “he would do things that way.” These things eat away at me and have finally been breaking me down. I love this girl, but how much can a person take?
Today, she says she enjoys being with me, but that she still wants to keep it at the current level because she has a lot on her plate like school and work. Her excuse for not getting serious went from “I’m not ready and I want to be able to give you 100% after I’m completely over him” to “You’ve lied to me so much over the past several months. You’re sneaky and I need to gain your trust back.” The latter appears to be an attempt to flip things on me after I caught her being dishonest with me about some major things. This is utterly frustrating.
I know that deep down this girl cares about me (although she's never told me that she loves me) as I’ve given her many opportunities to break it off, but she continuously reassures me that she wants to keep seeing me on an exclusive level. However, I can’t help but feel that I’m just being strung along because I’m a good thing for her at the moment.
Lastly, here’s the worst part about all of this. We’re co-workers and this makes it even tougher.
Should I stick it out and continue to give her the benefit of the doubt? Or I am I really getting played and wasting my time? How do I flip things on her? How do I get this girl to fall for me?
Your advice is much appreciated. Thank you.
I’ve been dating this girl for the past 10 months, and I’m madly in love. We started dating a month after her boyfriend dumped her. Yes, I was the rebound, and like many rebound relationships, it worked out well for the first several months, before she began acting different. As soon as I noticed that her behavior changed, I called her out on it until she finally admitted that she still had feelings for her ex-boyfriend. She asked that we take a step back, but that she still wanted to see me exclusively. I said, “Ok, that’s natural”, so I stuck it out.
The course of the relationship has been a little roller coaster ride. Every time that I think we’re on our way to getting more serious, she becomes a bit distant for quite sometime. And I always find out that she had some contact with the ex which confused and upset her. I’m not going to get into all the details because I could write a book, so here are my issues.
1. For the past several months I’ve been telling her it’s time we got more serious, however, she refuses to give me the title. Now I’m a 29 year-old adult, and at my age maybe I shouldn’t care, however, there is just something that bothers me about her not recognizing that we’re an item. It’s almost as if she’s trying to remain available for her ex or possibly others? However, to her credit, we are dating “exclusively” and she isn’t seeing anyone else. Further, 90% of the time that she’s free, she’s with me.
2. I feel that she takes advantage of my generosity, kindness, and heart. Our relationship is very one-sided as I give much more than what I receive.
3. During the first six months, there were times when I felt she was lying to me about not having contact with her ex. This lead to some “psycho” behavior on my part. I once showed up to her house unexpectedly because she didn’t return any of my calls on a night when we had plans. I drove to her house and caught her ex showing up to her place to fix (that’s what she told me) her computer at 1130 p.m. I actually knocked on the door after he went in and she answered in shock. I told her it was over, but she ran out to comfort me saying that he’d invited himself over and that she’d get rid of him immediately. After two minutes of waiting in my car, he finally left.
Some time after that, I saw her typing her email password and I later logged into her account. Curiosity and lack of trust got the best of me. I found several emails where she was talking to friends about being confused about her ex. In a few of those emails she admitted to meeting up with him a few times to talk. In a nutshell, I found a world of lies she’d been covering up. I also found a password to some networking website she always frequents. When I logged in there, I almost had a heart attack. Occasionally, she’d flirt and several times she gave her number out.
After discovering these things, my insides began eat me up, and one day when she said she was going to go to the movies with her ex as friends, I snapped and told her I’d had it. I confessed to knowing about the emails and the friend networking site and she flipped. She comforted me and assured me that she was over her ex and that she was only giving out her number with the intentions of making more friends. Regarding the ex, she stated that she was only friends with him and wouldn’t see him after that one movie date. Soon thereafter, I gave her the opportunity to bail if she wasn’t happy with me, but she again reassured me that she has strong feelings for me and only wants to see me.
September 1, 2005 – We’ve battled through some ups and downs, but we’re still dating. I feel that she has gotten over her ex for the most part, but there are a few things I still don’t like about her. For example, last week she practically started a fight with me over the minutest thing so as to create space and break plans with me. I thought this was extremely immature and it put me through some unnecessary suffering. Second, she often compares me to the ex saying stuff like, “Well he use to be able to do that” or “he would do things that way.” These things eat away at me and have finally been breaking me down. I love this girl, but how much can a person take?
Today, she says she enjoys being with me, but that she still wants to keep it at the current level because she has a lot on her plate like school and work. Her excuse for not getting serious went from “I’m not ready and I want to be able to give you 100% after I’m completely over him” to “You’ve lied to me so much over the past several months. You’re sneaky and I need to gain your trust back.” The latter appears to be an attempt to flip things on me after I caught her being dishonest with me about some major things. This is utterly frustrating.
I know that deep down this girl cares about me (although she's never told me that she loves me) as I’ve given her many opportunities to break it off, but she continuously reassures me that she wants to keep seeing me on an exclusive level. However, I can’t help but feel that I’m just being strung along because I’m a good thing for her at the moment.
Lastly, here’s the worst part about all of this. We’re co-workers and this makes it even tougher.
Should I stick it out and continue to give her the benefit of the doubt? Or I am I really getting played and wasting my time? How do I flip things on her? How do I get this girl to fall for me?
Your advice is much appreciated. Thank you.