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View Full Version : Similar story to TrueLoveAlways2, but with a twist


CrazyOphelia42
09-05-2005, 06:33 AM
So, I'm dating this man who's wonderful in every way, except for his apparent lack of motivation. We moved from Montana to Portland, OR, back in December or 2004. My problem? He JUST got a job about 2 weeks ago, working at Blockbuster. Yes, that's right, it took him EIGHT MONTHS to get a job. I have a really great job that paid our bills while we were together, but I just got tired of taking care of a freeloader (and his child from another marriage), so I moved out back in May.

I'm in a state of indecision now, however, since he is, finally, now employed. To be fair, I don't think his lack of motivation (or whatever), is necessarily completely his fault. His mother is a wealthy woman, so she will give him money whenever he really needs it, so he's never really had to learn financial responsibility. What bothers me is his contentment to continue 'borrowing' from her. It really grates on me, since I firmly believe in working for a living.

So, now, he's beginning to realize that working at Blockbuster just isn't going to pay the bills for himself and his daughter, but instead of looking for a new job, he's about to call mummy again. My dilemma is that I told him that we'd get engaged (like we were planning to do when we first moved out here) once he found steady employment, and I'd move back in. I've been dragging my feet about it, because I'm not all that jazzed with the situation I'd be moving into, as it is currently, anyway. He's got a 7 yr old girl, who's a doll, but once school starts, I'd be spending more time with her than he would, since he usually works nights.

I guess I'm just looking for some opinions on how you all would proceed in this situation. Thanks!

Diablo
09-05-2005, 10:30 AM
Can you accept him as he is right now? If you can't, don't marry him. People in your situation seem to think that they can change the other person; well, you can't. Dear old mummy has him conditioned to running to her whenever he needs something and you ain't gonna undo that.

eightball61
09-05-2005, 12:22 PM
Do not hold off because of his daughter. Right now, you need to put yourself first. His lack of motivation will become a major issue if you were to marry him. His mommy is not helping the situation because he knows he can always get out a jam because of her wealth.

You will not be happy if you marry him under these conditions. This is an issue that you need to bring to the table and be blunt about it. If this causes you to leave for a while then do so but do not make any commitment until you know he has made a solid change.

~8ball

Girl
09-06-2005, 03:39 AM
If you get engaged and eventually marry there's a pretty high chance you'll also be marrying his mother.

ivy
09-06-2005, 12:27 PM
Can you accept him as he is right now? If you can't, don't marry him. People in your situation seem to think that they can change the other person; well, you can't. Dear old mummy has him conditioned to running to her whenever he needs something and you ain't gonna undo that.

And again I agree with Diablo 100% ;)