Hope someone can help

[msblackwidow2u]

I will try not to write a book but here is the deal!!! I have been with the same guy for 6 years and we have a 5 year old together along with my 4 other kids. Anyway when we moved in together we didnt know each other very well but we got to know each other, but as time went by he worked less and less. Always between jobs and didnt help pay the bills, now that I have made him move out he has a good job and takes more interest in our little girl. He wants to get back together and says he has changed, I'm scared if I let him come back he will go back to being the same. I felt like he was another kid I was raising and lord knows I dont need another one, lol. I waited 6 years for a ring and marriage proposel and never got one, now he wants to marry me!!!! should I give him a second chance or tell him to go away?? I dont know if I am in love with him anymore and I cheated on him when I went on vacation (that was the first and only time) but I still talk to the guy I cheated with and now my mind is all fogged up and confused SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH THE FOG!!!! :confused:

[Girl]

Does he even know about the affair? You're the one being given a second chance (whether he knows about it or not). Being 'lazy' or whatever you want to call him is a far cry from cheating.

[eightball61]

If you are thinking about taking this relationship back on then you need to tell him about you cheating episode. You both need to start fresh in order for this to even work. Personally, I think there are to many issues(on both sides) that will keep this relationship from ever being a success but then I could be wrong....Good Luck

[msblackwidow2u]

just to let everyone know, yes he knows about the cheating. I told him about it after it happened. I know the way he has been for the last 6 years is no excuse for cheating but I did and there is nothing I can change about that. My question is can he change, he has been that way since we started the relationship. I stuck it out for 6 years hopeing the things I said would help him realize he needed to change but it went in one ear and out the other.

[Girl]

You need to decide what you want, first of all. So perhaps you should cut communication as much as you can between both of them. That may help clear your head.

As for the man you've been with for years, he has to show you he's changed. Don't take his word for it.

[eightball61]

I stuck it out for 6 years hopeing

How much "hope" can you hold onto? Nothing you said or done changed him durning that 6 years. He may have finally realized now but for most people he would be considered to late. This is your call and you need to go with what your heart says. If you try it out again then give it a time frame and if he can't meet that time then you know he is not a man of his word. But if you do try it out and nothing happens then you have wasted more time in your life going for your own goals and needs.

[Diablo]

It could work out now that he knows that you'll throw him out if he just freeloads. He does have a good job now and he could keep it. Idleness is addictive, but so is money. How old is he? If he's late 20's or so, it could work out. If he's older than 35, he's likely to laspse into the old ways when he gets a chance. It's your call though, we really can't tell you what to decide here.

[msblackwidow2u]

He is 38, and I talked to him today and I dont think he will change. I am deeply indebt, way behind on bills like electric and cable. Cable I can do without but I need electric, I also have a hot check that I need to pay by friday or I go to jail. I called him and asked if he would loan me some money, after all he lived here when we fell so far behind and the check was for food for all of us. I really dont want to go to jail and I think he should help me get out of this. I'm not asking for the full amount but some of it would be nice. He told me it wouldnt be a good idea for him to help me out, he has his own bills to pay. Which he does but he has a fresh start and I am still trying to catch up from 6 years of being behind, am I wrong for wanting help?? Plus he doesnt give me any child support because he says he cant afford it. I really dont see that he has changed. If it were him going to jail I would do all I could to keep him out, I feel abandon by him. I dont know maybe I'm just selfish !!!

[eightball61]

He is 38, and I talked to him today and I dont think he will change. I am deeply indebt, way behind on bills like electric and cable. Cable I can do without but I need electric, I also have a hot check that I need to pay by friday or I go to jail.

^^ Is this what you want?

Staying with him is not making you happy nor is helping you out. He is bringing you down to his level and before long you'll be there. I don't understand why your holding on but there is no point to stay and your a fool if you stay any longer. Your allowing this all to happen and if you were to shut it off then you'll be back into control. This man needs control and we won't get it if you act like this. For you own sake leave...........


Plus he doesnt give me any child support because he says he cant afford it.

Why does he owe child support? Typically, someone owes child support when a couple is split up.

[eightball61]

Let's take a look further at all the reason why you are not happy and why you should leave. Here, I put a list of your quotes together. If you tell me that he worth staying with after that then I don't know anymore :confused:


1. I dont think he will change ~ If you doubt he'll change then what's keeping you with him?

2. I am deeply indebt ~ It's time to make a positive turn with your child. If you don't then you'll go down with him & chance your child being taken away because you can't care for it.

3. I need to pay by friday or I go to jail ~ Is this a risk your willing to take by staying with him?

4. He told me it wouldnt be a good idea for him to help me out ~ You have helped him out and now he doesn't want to help you :eek: This is not how a relationship is suppose to be. Can you imagine being married like this??

5. Plus he doesnt give me any child support ~ Why? Why does he owe you child support?

6. I feel abandon by him ~ In that case it's best to leave.

[msblackwidow2u]

He needs to help support our little girl, he does not live here and hasnt for 2 months. He keeps calling me and telling me he has changed and wants to try to work it out. Because he doesnt live here any more he should be paying some kind of child support even though he didnt really help in supporting her when he lived here. :mad:

[eightball61]

Why did he move out?

[msblackwidow2u]

He moved out because I told him he had to, I was tired of supporting him and my kids. He needed to grow up!!!!!

[eightball61]

He moved out because I told him he had to, I was tired of supporting him and my kids. He needed to grow up!!!!!


& why are you still supporting him?

It's time to shut everything down and take him to court to get the money for the child support. You need to get ahold of your life and it's not going to happen like this. You have a child that you need to guide and having this guy around is not teaching the child anything positive.

It's your choice but if you stay I garentee you'll be kicking yourself in the ass in 5-10 years from now wishing you listened to our advice......