Should i tell him?

[BluKukie]

Hello everyone.
I am new to this post, and I would like to thank everyone who replies to this in advance. Well my issue here isn't really a relationship issue. I'll get str8 to the point. Two years ago I was dating one of y cousins best friends. I was 17 at the time. Well i had liked this guy since freshmen yr in highschool. Well to get to the point. I knew this guy was a player, and had many girls, but the moment he noticed me, like a stupid immature little girl, I thought he was in love with me, and that he was going to change for me and not be a player. Well consedering he was best friends with my cousin who is like a brother to me, I wanted to keep the relationship on the DL because I wasnt sure how my cousing would react. Well one night after not even dating this guy for that long, I lost my virginity to him. I thought it was the right choice considering I "Loved" him. He on the other hand was just looking for some fun. About a week later I was at a party and there he was makingout with my close friend. Well i got very hurt, but bottled it all inside, and made myself believe that everything was ok. I am now 20 and in a relationship with a wonderful guy. Everytime I mention this incident he puts me down calling me all sorts of names and just making me feel horrible. Anyway the issue here is that he believes that by me bottling all this up, is hurtingme. I agree. What i want to know is should I tell my cousin or just let it be. I have been wanting to tell him for the longest. To let him know how bad his "best" friend hurt me, and let him know what took place. On the other hand, I keep quiet because I do not want to ruin their friendship. What do you guys think I should do. For the most part what happened to me does not hurt me because I ignore it, I make myself believe that it was ok because even though he didnt have feelings for me, I did. I know what he did is wrong, and everytime i think about it it kills me inside, I just dont know what to do ??? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[SALly]

It doesn't seem like you would have anything to loose by telling your cousin. I'm not really sure what you would gain either. If it would make you feel better then tell him. He did it, and you have the right to tell anyone you want about it. Why does your current bf call you names, etc if you bring it up? That's weird. But why would you bring it up to him anyway. It was three years ago- get over it. And it isnt' like your cousin really controls what his best friend does. It may just cause more trouble than it's worth by telling now.

[eightball61]

I am now 20 and in a relationship with a wonderful guy. Everytime I mention this incident he puts me down calling me all sorts of names and just making me feel horrible.


I am directing this quote above because I see a bigger issue. Before I go further though I want to know if this wondeful guy that you are dating is the one making you feel horrible by calling you names over this past incident?

P.S.
To answer your question though I think you should tell your cousin if it will make you feel better. I can't say if it will help or not but it's a try.

[Diablo]

I'm not sure what good bringing it up now would do. You say you're over it, so forget about it. Everybody gets played at one point or another and it cost you a lot less than it could have. I would say move on; however, are you really over it? Why is this still on your mind? Perhaps you should find someone good to talk to so that you can work on issues that remain from this.

[BluKukie]

um you know what I have been thinking about it, and maybe you guys are right there is no point in bringing it up. I should have said something when it happened. Now that's in the past and I should learn to move on. In response to eightball, yea this guy i'm with is a great guy. He shows me that he cares and loves me, but at the same time he does call me names when we bring up my past. He does appologize afterwards. He says he gets extremely upset because he knows it hurts me and he cares so mucha bout me that it pisses him off. He then says that he gets so upset because he wishes it had been him who was with me then, and I should have lost my virginity to him. He also says that since i wont admit it to him that what i Did was wrong, he uses those names to make me realize it, even if it's not the best way. I know this is wrong because we all have a past, and he should learn to get over it. It happened and thers nothing i can do to change that.

[BluKukie]

to sally...
I don't bring it up. He works with one of my good friends, and the only reason he found out about this is because she has a big mouth. Ever since, he's the one who is always talking about it, bringing it up, and getting extremely upset over this. Believe me, if it were up to me I would rather he not know because it gets so bad that he won't even speak to me when he's thinking about my past. I think he has issues.

[SALly]

Oh OK- I thought you were bringing it up.

[eightball61]

In response to eightball, yea this guy i'm with is a great guy. He shows me that he cares and loves me, but at the same time he does call me names when we bring up my past. He does appologize afterwards. He says he gets extremely upset because he knows it hurts me and he cares so mucha bout me that it pisses him off. He then says that he gets so upset because he wishes it had been him who was with me then, and I should have lost my virginity to him. He also says that since i wont admit it to him that what i Did was wrong, he uses those names to make me realize it, even if it's not the best way. I know this is wrong because we all have a past, and he should learn to get over it. It happened and thers nothing i can do to change that.

^^This is what you consider a great guy? :rolleyes:

He has no respect for you & you are allowing this to happen. These type of guys only get worse as the relationship progresses. Getting into a new relationship is supposed to be a fresh start to something new. This guy really seems like he is the hot-headed type and he is using your past to make himself feel better.....What a great guy :rolleyes:

[BluKukie]

no i know this is wrong, but I mean u guys only know about the bad things, but he does wonderful things for me as well. Yes, he is the hot headed type, but this is the only thing we argue about. Everything else is fine. I just want him to get over this then everything will be fine. Why do u think it makes him feel better to talk about my past?? or make me feel bad about it. Is it because he gets satisfaction in putting me down so that hes not the only one upset about it?

[eightball61]

Is it because he gets satisfaction in putting me down?


^^ That's what I am thinking.... I mean why else would he ask you about your past if it upsets him :confused: He is not respecting you and things will only get worse if this continues.