need opinions

[acid]

Hi all,

Recently me and my loved one have been having some relationship problems. To be honest I love her with all my heart but she has her moments where she can be quite hard to get along with. We just moved into an apartment and it feels like I do all of the cleaning. I always have to do the dishes and even though I do most of the time she says that I don’t ever do anything. I work for five of the seven days a week and go to school and she just goes to school. Even though she still says that I should be doing more since I’m not doing anything but work. Now it seems that I do not communicate with her even though to me it seems that she is the one not communicating. She recently "demoted me" as she calls it which means that she gave me my engagement ring back. I would really like to return it to her for good but she says that I need to seek advice on how to be a better faience before she will take it back. I guess that is why I’m writing this, if there is anyone going through the same thing I would really like it if you could share some opinions or similar feelings.

Thanks,
acid

[SALly]

Well there is a lot of stuff to be done in an apartment. There is laundry, trash, dusting, cleaning kitchen, cleaning bathroom, vacuuming, washing floors, making dinner, grocery shopping, etc. If you are washing dishes---does that mean she does everything else??? My husband and I both work but I always feel like I do most of the house stuff which sometimes gets on my nerves. Just try to do stuff to make her happy. Maybe she is just seeming stressed over everything the apartment needs. It doesn't get any better. A house is even more stress. Just try to do whatever you can. I understand you work and go to school ..... but if you love her you will make sacrifices and try to get through this.

[Girl]

There's more to it than you supposedly not keeping up your living space if she is calling off the engagement. Unless of course she sees this as a control issue.
If the latter is true, then it's in your favor that the engagement is off. Since you're the one working, you must be paying rent, correct? Who is she to tell you how to run a place YOU are paying for?

[eightball61]

She recently "demoted me" as she calls it which means that she gave me my engagement ring back.


I agree that there has to be more here to why she returned the ring back. Can you please explain? If not, then we know who's going to be wearing the pants in the family :rolleyes: Are you ready for that type of commitment?

[SALly]

You have a point there, but also.... he shouldn't be the kind that thinks since he works and makes the money, that SHE should do everything else around the house. That's not fair either. My husband makes more money than me and sometimes starts to say things like-- until I make as much as he does, I know my place, etc. Usually it is in a joking manner, but the point gets across and pisses me off none-the-less.
Be happy that you are working. The money needs to come from somewhere. You work for money 5 out of 7 days, then the 2 days you don't work, you work around the house....that's life- get used to it.

[eightball61]

What about making a weekly to-do list? Listed should be all the chores that need to be done in a given week. This list should be equally divided so you do a set one week while she does the other set. When the next week rolls around then you both switch list. If you wanted to be fancy then you could create an award system upon completion of these chores. These rewards could range from treating out for dinner, massages, ual activities, ect. This could be fun so try to be creative if you do this.....

[SALly]

It's nice that you two are seeking out answers for the problems that have come up. Maybe you need to try to be happy with what you two have. Enjoy the love that you share. Forget about the cleaning that needs to be done once in a while. Who cares..... "A spotless home is the sign of a very boring person". Stop stressing as much. You two have full lives right now.... check into yoga for handling stress. It doesn't get any easier. Right now it is work and school. Later it will kids and bills.....along with work. Managing the stress, whatever it is, is the key.

[acid]

Though it is true i work and she dosent she still makes more than me and therefor does pay half the rent. As for the to do list we have tried that and both of us have a problem remembering weather or not it was done. I would like to thank you both for all of your ideas and comments. You have really helped and i hope to talk to with you all if you or i have any more problems.

Thanks again,
acid

[chevmech]

I don't presume to know the details ( is it just dishes that is the issue?), but from what you have described, I think you are being treated unfairly. If you work a full time job AND go to school, there just isn't time for a whole lot more. If she does not work, she should be helping out more around the house. One person can't do everything. I was in a relationship that years ago that was similar- I can relate. At the time, I was working two jobs and she was in school. I found myself doing MOST of the cleaning and laundry etc.. It's not that she didn't do ANYTHING, she just had WAY more freetime than I did- it was exhausting. Also keep in mind, it is difficult for each person to acclimate themselves to living in the same place with someone if you never have before. If both people are willing to make it work, they should not have any problems making concessions- not just say "you are the problem- and you need to change"