Try as I might....

[TheShadow]

It's been a while since I've posted here and I am in a situation where I need some advice.

My wife and I have been separated about six months now(second separation) and this time it is headed towards divorce. She is apparently over me since deciding on getting involved with someone else in a matter of only a couple of months after we separated. Unfortunately, I just can't let go even though she hurt me more than anyone else ever has in my life...

Of course, this relationship does raise my curiousity due to the fact that within these couple of months, she was asked by this guy for them to move in together! If there was anything going on before this second separation, I don't know. However, this guy isn't the one that she had an affair with over the internet, which had caused our first separation. That guy got what he wanted from her and now has another girlfriend from what I understand.

Now, I'm sure that I'll get the typical advice...find a hobby, embark on a new career, move out of the city, etc.. However, for me that isn't as easy as it sounds.

A part of me still loves her, even though she has slept with other men and threw our marriage vows out the window. The sensible part of me tells me that she is nothing but bad news. We had a relationship/marriage that lasted the better part of ten years, but now it is over and I should move on. I find myself banging my head on the wall with conflicting feelings.

I know that because of everything that has gone on the past couple of years, any attempt at reconciling again is futile.

What can I do to get her out of my head, out of my thoughts, my dreams??? Sometimes I feel as though I might go insane with this pain.....

[eightball61]

No offense but you need to see a counselor for this one.......We tried to help you out on your other thread but you still haven't accepted what she has done yet. Counseling will help you get through this with a face-to-face & one-on-one contact. You know we'll say things like "oh, just leave now & forget about it" but you are beyond that stage and that's why you need one-on-one coaching. Your mind will eventually accept what's going on but for now please keep a steady mind and don't do anything stupid that may jeopardize having custody of your children.

[TheShadow]

No offense taken, eightball.

Some days are better than others, thus the 'what if we got back together' thoughts. However, reality does come around and slap me in the face occasionally when a friend of mine reminds me of the hurt and betrayal that has been caused. Not only to me, but to my kids as well. I've slowly, but surely, started coming around to realizing that they need me now more than ever and I REALLY need to snap out of it. ;)

[SALly]

It will take time, just try your best. That's all you can do. :) Talk to us on this site, it may help you feel better.

[eightball61]

Time will tell....The best thing you can do at this point is to care for your children & work on ways for you to move on.

[notnicegirl]

if you keep on thinking tha you cant, you might not be able to. you should think positive and think that time will heal. the time will come when you need to move on.

I came from an abusive and serious relationship.. Since I met someone from webdatedotcom I've managed to get over from all the heartache and start all over again.

Expand your horizon and there you might find the perfect man for you.

[Rich]

You need to start thinking more highly of yourself and of feeling confident about being on your own. You need to come from the point of view that you're a good guy, a good catch and that if she can't appreciate you and love you for who you are, then you'll find another girl who WILL be appreciative of who you are.

I often preach that relationships are like owning a car or house in that you need to really keep up on the preventative maintenance so that they don't fall into disrepair.

Relationships unfortunately, are also like owning a car or house in that sometimes they serve their purpose and it's time to sell them (divorce) and get a different one or new one. Your relationship got you to this point in your life and now it's onto a different one to move you forward to your next point in life. Only now you're armed with more knowledge then previously and you more know what you like, dislike and expect from it. You also have more knowledge as to what you'll do different in this relationship to keep the relationship running as smoothly as you want it to be. If you want a great relationship, THEN MAKE ONE.

Great relationships aren't stumbled upon, they're made. Find a person who has the traits that work well with you, or that compliment your traits. Now you know what you like in a partner and what you won't except. Use your dates to ask questions of that person and to find out who they truly are.

It's time to start over and view it as a fresh start to create the relationship that you've always dreamed about. Move on and don't look back. Just tell yourself that she lost a great guy and she'll regret it one day. Then let it go and don't even worry about it. Close that chapter and don't live in a what if world. Things are what they are. If if's and buts were candy and nuts, then we'd all be fat, dumb and happy. But they're not

Look forward with enthusiasm to a new and great relationship and that will help you get past this last one. Try out that eHarmony match making site as it will most help you find a woman most compatible with you.

Enjoy.