Tweetyandy
09-16-2004, 03:44 PM
Ok well here is my story. My husband M and I have been married for 4 mths and we have been together for 5yrs and 4 mths. We are in love that is not in question. It is just this...
Before we got married I had always told M that if he ever wanted to go out with someone else all he had to do was talk to me about it. We have been together for forever and I have always felt that we both needed to be sure that we were what we wanted before marriage so that latter on neither of us would feel that we never had a change to pursue other people. So about 8 mths before our wedding he decided to talk to me about this girl. This girl I'll name as B. Anyway, at the time then boyfriend and I lived together and so he cam home nad told me that he wanted to hang out with her. He said that he wasn't really attracted to her just friends. I will admit I was kinda hurt it being 8 mths till the wedding but I said ok. Well about a week later M comes in and tell me thta it was nothing and there is nothing but friendship there. I was relieved but felt that something was off. At the time M and our mutual friend G were weightlifting in the evenings and that is were she would be also. So for a while all was droped of hte conversation. Then she started calling and talking to M , which made me feel uncomfortable and I talked to him about leading her on. He said that she knew that it was just friendship.
Well a few weeks after that conversation M came home acting very unusual, after 5 years I kinda feel when something is off. It took me until 3am to get him to tall me what it was, she had kissed him.
This of course made me furious. I mean it was exactly what I was worried about, leading her on. He assured me that it was nothing and that the was really sorry that it came to that. M said that as soon as she did it he turn walked out of teh gym and drove off.
I chose to go on and leave it. He saidthat he would talk to her about it and let me know what was going on. Well he came home and said that she apoligized and felt bad but she still wanted to befriends and hang out. I was furious. I mean she just made a pass on him and expected it to be forgotten.
Weeks went on and she continued to call. I told M I dodnt' want her calling and he wet into defense mode saying that I didnt' trust him and that she was just a friend. Well weeks went on and finally I had to give her a piece of my mind. I took the phone and called her. At first I admit she soulnded like she was really truthful but something deep down still made ma hate her. Finally I told M that it bothered me that he hung around her and talked to her. And he said that I shouldn't tell him who his freinds can be , but I was just so uncomfortable with him around her because oviously she had no respect for me. Tiem went by with a few small fights about a call here or there or her being somewhere he went. The wedding came and went and I came home thinking that everything was perfect except... I got that feeling again and was playig on the computer and I looked into his email. They had been email each other for a while and I was devistated. Together they were planning a party for G's birthday (whom I was not really friends with now because he was helping her talk to him behind my back.)
I had a long talk with M and he finally agreed that after the party he would just let her go away. Well all died down yet again but she wouldn't go away. She would plan things with G so that M could be there.
So I had another little talk to B and told her basically that I didnt' like her and that I wanted her to leave us alone. She wrote him a long email wining and said that I was a (b word) and too controlling of M . This is the only time I have ever said anything about someone he hung out with! M got pissed that I was mean to her saying that I should just trust him that they are just friends. She kinda went away for a while and then now the recent.
Ok sorry this is so long ,
I had that weird feeling again Tueday morning and checked his email. I was right she had emailed him about a future party. I started talking about similar things to M about what was in the email and he told me about the party but left B out of hte conversation. I asked If I could come and he said that he wanted to go out alone with his guy friends. Finally I asked him is she was involved and he said no, so I confronted him.
He said that he really wanted to go to the party but knew that If I knew she would be there I would get mad about it . Of course, but I just can't get him to understand that it hurts me so much that he would rather hang out with her and cause me pain then just tell her to move on. I didn't do anything wrong , she made the move on him. I think that the day she made he move was the day I had the right to tell him to kick her away. Am I really a bad person. Or am I right in thinking that she still probably wants more and the more M coes behind my back or in front of me it makes her thing tha she is important and might have a chance.
Before we got married I had always told M that if he ever wanted to go out with someone else all he had to do was talk to me about it. We have been together for forever and I have always felt that we both needed to be sure that we were what we wanted before marriage so that latter on neither of us would feel that we never had a change to pursue other people. So about 8 mths before our wedding he decided to talk to me about this girl. This girl I'll name as B. Anyway, at the time then boyfriend and I lived together and so he cam home nad told me that he wanted to hang out with her. He said that he wasn't really attracted to her just friends. I will admit I was kinda hurt it being 8 mths till the wedding but I said ok. Well about a week later M comes in and tell me thta it was nothing and there is nothing but friendship there. I was relieved but felt that something was off. At the time M and our mutual friend G were weightlifting in the evenings and that is were she would be also. So for a while all was droped of hte conversation. Then she started calling and talking to M , which made me feel uncomfortable and I talked to him about leading her on. He said that she knew that it was just friendship.
Well a few weeks after that conversation M came home acting very unusual, after 5 years I kinda feel when something is off. It took me until 3am to get him to tall me what it was, she had kissed him.
This of course made me furious. I mean it was exactly what I was worried about, leading her on. He assured me that it was nothing and that the was really sorry that it came to that. M said that as soon as she did it he turn walked out of teh gym and drove off.
I chose to go on and leave it. He saidthat he would talk to her about it and let me know what was going on. Well he came home and said that she apoligized and felt bad but she still wanted to befriends and hang out. I was furious. I mean she just made a pass on him and expected it to be forgotten.
Weeks went on and she continued to call. I told M I dodnt' want her calling and he wet into defense mode saying that I didnt' trust him and that she was just a friend. Well weeks went on and finally I had to give her a piece of my mind. I took the phone and called her. At first I admit she soulnded like she was really truthful but something deep down still made ma hate her. Finally I told M that it bothered me that he hung around her and talked to her. And he said that I shouldn't tell him who his freinds can be , but I was just so uncomfortable with him around her because oviously she had no respect for me. Tiem went by with a few small fights about a call here or there or her being somewhere he went. The wedding came and went and I came home thinking that everything was perfect except... I got that feeling again and was playig on the computer and I looked into his email. They had been email each other for a while and I was devistated. Together they were planning a party for G's birthday (whom I was not really friends with now because he was helping her talk to him behind my back.)
I had a long talk with M and he finally agreed that after the party he would just let her go away. Well all died down yet again but she wouldn't go away. She would plan things with G so that M could be there.
So I had another little talk to B and told her basically that I didnt' like her and that I wanted her to leave us alone. She wrote him a long email wining and said that I was a (b word) and too controlling of M . This is the only time I have ever said anything about someone he hung out with! M got pissed that I was mean to her saying that I should just trust him that they are just friends. She kinda went away for a while and then now the recent.
Ok sorry this is so long ,
I had that weird feeling again Tueday morning and checked his email. I was right she had emailed him about a future party. I started talking about similar things to M about what was in the email and he told me about the party but left B out of hte conversation. I asked If I could come and he said that he wanted to go out alone with his guy friends. Finally I asked him is she was involved and he said no, so I confronted him.
He said that he really wanted to go to the party but knew that If I knew she would be there I would get mad about it . Of course, but I just can't get him to understand that it hurts me so much that he would rather hang out with her and cause me pain then just tell her to move on. I didn't do anything wrong , she made the move on him. I think that the day she made he move was the day I had the right to tell him to kick her away. Am I really a bad person. Or am I right in thinking that she still probably wants more and the more M coes behind my back or in front of me it makes her thing tha she is important and might have a chance.