Why is her heart so black!

[nottavictim]

My fiancé' left me after getting engaged 7 months ago and 3 1/2 years together and 2 kids. I don't know what to believe anymore. It started one night she was acting odd so I finally got it out of her and she said it felt like something was missing. This came out of the blue a week after I was disappointed that she would be carpooling 2 guys to work. One guy she had no problem with me meeting because he had been with his wife since she was 15. The other guy is who I was worried about and for some reason she didn't want me to meet him. I worked with her for a month and this other guy was always checking her out. I never said anything because I could not ever imagine her betraying me. Well I ended up going back to my old job and 2 weeks later is when this whole carpooling, something missing and more to come crap started. After she told me something was missing I did my best to make her happy. Everything seemed back to normal right wrong. I had a scheduled fishing trip 2 weeks later and I asked her if everything was ok before I left she seemed fine. When I was on my trip I called her and she seemed odd again. I never had a worse vacation in my life. On my way home a few days later she called and said she had went out with friends from work. I found it odd that she couldn't wait till I got home to tell me this. When I arrived home she was acting very odd. I reassured her how much I love her and committed, and faithful I was. Right when I said the word faithful she just about threw up. She was sick for 2 days. We had an ok week but I could still tell something wasn't right. I told her to stay at her dad's for a week and think about things. The first night she got there she told me that she had kissed another guy. I was sick, angry, and hurt and I knew who it was it was the other carpool guy. That night I forgave her and I felt like I was part of the problem that made her feel she had to do this. She came home and by the end of the week I sent her to her dad's again because I could tell she was holding onto something. A couple days went by and she stopped over and like that we were talking to each other better than ever. We both felt on top of the world and totally in love with each other. She was constantly leaving me notes and messages and cards and I was too. We were flooding each other with love. 2 awesome weeks went by and then she came home from work on a Monday and something wasn't right again. She said this guy the guy she kissed was moving to her line. I didn't have a problem if she didn't I told her but she was still holding onto something. I told her that she needed to make a decision. After that she totally cut me off emotionally. She said she was going to her dad's and was probably going to soon live by herself. 2 days later she was at the guys house and everyday after. She talks to me like the guy she has been waiting for her whole life. She acts like our home, family, and relationship never meant a thing. She shows absolutely no emotion at all. She does however call me everyday to ask me dumb questions. Sometimes 2 to 4 times a day. I don't know what to believe she acts like she has just move on. Does anyone really believe that she could walk away from this and it will never bite her in the ass? What should I do? What happens if I move on and all of a sudden the walls start crashing in on her and she ends up at my door step? She doesn’t even seem like she cares about the kid’s safety and she has always been overprotective. This guy she is with has nothing to offer he is a loser, a offender; he has 2 felonies for other crap and a whole lot of other stuff on his record. She just looks right through it. I don't even know who she is anymore. What do I do? I love her so damn much and I know she love me. I think the death of our first child has something to do with all of this
Thank You
:confused:

[eightball61]

She does however call me everyday to ask me dumb questions. Sometimes 2 to 4 times a day.


First, the calls need to stop unless you both are discussing the children. Her calling you in only making you more confused. She chose her path and now she needs to stick to that path. As for you, you need to try to move on & not allow her to confuse your thoughts like this. I know it's not easy but you need to try and the only way that will help is by elimating the confusion(communication with her).

This guy she is with has nothing to offer he is a loser, a offender; he has 2 felonies for other crap and a whole lot of other stuff on his record.

Please read this article on your spare time:
http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/10/22/offender.custody.ap/index.html

This guy is obviously a loser in oneway or another. My suggestion, is that you need to detach yourself from this situation. You should go seek a lawyer for advice. You need to provide safety for your children and a good lawyer will help you out with that.

Your ex. may come to the realization of her mistake one day but you need to always remember that she once had her chance and then ruined it.

I hope everything works out for you and the kids:)

~8Ball



p.s.

How old is this guy and how old is she?

[yourstruly]

First question: Why didn't y'all get married before you had the two kids?

You have been right about her all along---you called her down on her behavior, you knew it was the other carpool guy all along. You are a smart guy. From what you are telling us, you are the "ideal" boyfriend/fiance/husband. But something you said bothered me.

That night I forgave her and I felt like I was part of the problem that made her feel she had to do this.

Second question: Why do you feel that you are part of the problem? Sometimes a spouse's behavior, neglect, etc DO drive the other spouse to cheat, but why is it that you feel that YOU are part of the problem?

She talks to me like the guy she has been waiting for her whole life.

So......what's she wasting time with Mr. Loser for?


She acts like our home, family, and relationship never meant a thing. She shows absolutely no emotion at all.

She'd better----she has kids to be responsible for.

Does anyone really believe that she could walk away from this and it will never bite her in the ass?

It WILL bite her in the ass. She will, in time, maybe sooner than later, realize what she did, but the damage is already done. She cheated on you. Now there's a trust issue. Trust issues are EXTREMELY hard to overcome. Just ask anyone!


What should I do?

She should continue staying at her dad's. Postpone the engagement. Ask her for the ring back. She doesn't deserve to wear it. Set up an amicable visitation arrangement for the kids (or is it just one kid now?? sorry to hear about the death of your 1st)

What happens if I move on and all of a sudden the walls start crashing in on her and she ends up at my door step?

That will be your decision.....can you trust her again? Not just in words, but in actions too? Can you REALLY trust her?

I think the death of our first child has something to do with all of this

It may, but if thats what you truly think, then she needs to admit it, and get professional counseling for it.

[StressQueen]

Dear not a victim,
She will regret it. They just about always do.
Just hold your head up and be strong for your kids they need you alot at this time!!
Your in my Prayers.

[nottavictim]

Thank You for the support. This guy is 23 and she is 26. I felt like part of the problem because we didn't deal with the death of our child together like we should have and became distant. When we finally had that great 2 weeks together I thought that it finally proved to myself and her that we are able to work through the hard times together but instead she set me up for an even harder break-up.

[yourstruly]

well, at this point, I think you are doing all you can do. You can't make her react or act a certain way, and if you beg her to come back, it will only make things worse. She has to deal with her pain in her own way, and if she refuses to join forces with you on it, then that's her choice. I think she is choosing this loser for a purpose because he's the exact opposite of you, from what it looks like. In her heart she knows she is doing wrong, but that's her intention. She WANTS to be wrong.