A dilemna

[BachiatariKishi]

I never thought I'd end up using one of these forums for personal problems yet I find myself here. I suppose this only adds weight to how little my close friends were able to lend advise or even suggestions. At anyrate let me begin.

It has been quite a long time since I've last dated. I'll give a bit of background as to the depth of my situation. In the four years that I have actually taken an interest in women, things have always played out a certain way. For one reason or another, the women that I have shown interest in, and taken the time to get aquianted with, within a span of a few short months, either cheat or simply cannot handle certain circumstances that come with 'growing up and taking responsibilities'.

If its not that, then its always the 'friend/father/counselor' excuse I've heard too often, followed by the 'why can't I find someone like you'. Its disheartening.

Due to those past scenarios, I've been put in a position where I really don't 'feel' at all. To give a better grasp on what I mean I'll use an example-
When a person gets upset or whatever, their heart feels whatever that emotion is. However, with myself, whenever I 'feel' whatever emotion that going on, its like I'm mentally being told 'how' to feel, but my heart feels nothing. It feels hollow/numb.

I've tried to be rid of it with positive thinking, but everytime a hint of 'good things' appears, its quickly followed by that 'you should have known better' feeling. At this point, I really don't know what to do.

It is said that talking about it helps, but as of lately, it would seem that everyone keeps saying the same thing, namely couples that I know.

[Rich]

Hi-

Read your post and had to respond.

You say that it's within the last four years that you've taken an interest in women. Why is this? Are you young? Were you ?

You seem to be a pessimist and very depressed. In four years you should NOT have had that many bad relationships to get you that way.

Maybe you suffer from some form of depression or something like that. Maybe professional counseling can help you. Maybe your relationships ended because you're depressing to be with. Maybe you go into a relationship with failure on your mind and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. All things to consider.

Seriously, you might want to go see a Doc. No offense intended.

Riuch

[BachiatariKishi]

Rich-

No offense taken.

To answer you're first question, I suppose I am still considered 'young' by older adolesence. If you must know, I am in the early to mid 20s. The reason it had taken so long to take a serious interest in women is due to many factors:

-when I was younger, I did not care much for them. During that time I had spent most of my time trying to achieve the dreams I had as a young child. At that time, it might have been a mistaken course of action, but I felt that women would have been a distraction, keeping one such as myself from obtaining the goals/achievements that he wanted.

-many of the ppl I had a crush on when I was younger took a perverse pleasure in saying many things that actually swayed my way of thinking ie. 'not good enough for me', 'racist parents (whether or not such was true I do not know)', 'after my friends', etc etc.

-family oriented pressures of seeking out a specific type of female (an event which unbalanced the bond I had with the family as I was not one to simply follow their wishes when I had my own will).
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You are correct in your statement about depression. That is something which I do have from time to time and evidently, no amount of medical or psychiatric treatment has been able to supress that. On the contrary, the medical supplements have from time to time brought out a rather aggressive nature- which is why I no longer adhere to them. It is not worth that extreme. In the past, the psychiatrists couldn't exactly find anything wrong, since they were quite perplexed by the extent of my philosophical statements. Truth be told, its not impossible for a person to have many bad relationships in such a short time. But perhaps that is due to the individuals I have met- who knows. Aside from those I had been with in the past, even former friends were known to make many of those same statements, but always turned it into one of those, "you're great as a counselor' type of thing. Perhaps if I had spent quite a bit less time actually trying to 'know' a person, then maybe things wouldn't have gone as they had. Then again, if you aren't willing to fully 'know' a person, how can you say/know exactly what you are looking for?

As far as relationships go, I am a strong believer of 'do not carry baggage into a new relationship.' With that said, I can assure you that everyone started off with that 'fresh start', however within a short span of time, they seem to act just like the one before them in one way or another. But those are simply the 'bad apples' and need no further explanation. Quite contrary to popular belief, a 'depressed' person, in many instances, does not show their depression in the face of others unless they are looking for some sort of attention. In my depressed states, I usually keep away from those I care about (friends/family/whoever) just so they will not be burdened with it. As a consequence, they don't have an understanding of what's going on or the reasoning behind many of my actions (seclusion at times, need for extra space).

In fact, around others, and I mean not to boast or brag, I'm the most optimistic one of the bunch. So they really have no idea what goes on 'behind the scenes'- except a select few whom I had chosen to inform.

Your last statement, "Maybe you go into a relationship with failure on your mind and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy" is something I am highly considering. Perhaps its an unconscious thing, and I've never really looked at it like that before. Definitely worth looking into nonetheless.

At anyrate, thanks for responding.