First post - been looking for some advice for a while

[TeaBloke42]

Evening everyone.

Long post, but I hope you guy's will give it a read!

Got a rather - unnerving situation on my hands here and I don't really know what to make of it, I hope someone can help :confused:

So - the whole story would help I'm sure, so here it is.

I'm 19, living in western Canada right now. I got pretty into XboxLive, playing and chatting with some guys and whatnot - and everything was cool - until a girl joined up.

Now - I've been trapped in those dead end online relationships before - I can tell they're painful even before they start.

So - we played, had a bunch of laughs and one of us decided to throw a huge party we could all get together, play games, you know, hang out.

Well the girl (I'll call her S from here on) is 27, from Michigan and has a pretty stable lifestyle. So S got talking pretty frequently to a guy called L from us - they seemed to like each other quite a bit then one day it all fell apart and she wanted to be friensd with him, he didn't want to talk to her, blah blah, you know.

I'd had a crush on her for a while, just her nice personality and all and I got talking to her, trying to help her through it - and eventually i slipped up and said i liked her, she said she liked me too (even before the problems with L). I was pretty dumbstruck.

So - when it comes time for the party, she offers for me to fly into Windsor Ontario and drive (and stay) at her place Thursday night, and then we could drive the rest of the way to the party the next day.

I agreed (Saved me 200 dollars on international flight taxes, why not eh).

So I get there, we end up hitting the sack a few times (my first, actually) and you know, everything's pretty cool.

So I go home after the party - she's pretty upset and clingy (a side she'd never shown before actually). So I get home and it's been since monday since I saw her - conversations pretty good, pretty solid. Now here's where things get twisted.

I'm pretty insecure, I can't really talk to people, I'm very poor with social interaction and I'm VERY uptight. All my previous relationships were fairly one-sided and one especially beat me down into submission very well. I apologise constantly, fawn and spend money over girls even after it's not necessary.

She's a very strong and very independent girl - she's got a solid job, great place to live, pets, a car, you know. Well - after some altercations with some of the people in our group - I suppose you could say she pretty much was "excommuicated" and I'm somewhat in that periphery. She says to me today: "I want to go back to being the old me, you know, I'm kind of stir crazy, staying at home and stuff". That's cool, I support her, there's no way you can be healthy if you sit at home all day - I learned that the hard way. She's going to her friends house tonight to have some mixed drinks and relax (female friend's) - and that's also fine, I need me time too.

But it just came as a complete shocker to me. It was really out of left field and it has me (me being insecure and somewhat, attached to her, emotionally) a little worried that she's already decided to move on.

I'd say we're extremely open and honest with each other, I've never lied to her and I know she's being honest because she will say when something upsets h er (not like, offensivly, just a level headed talk).

I would really like things to work out, she's a really great girl and I'm almost done university - I had already (before I even met her, believe it or not) had plans to go to the University of Michigan to complete a graduate degree - which is where she is doing her accounting degree.

So - yeh like I said, I would definatly like things to work out - so I'm assuming I'll need to learn to relax and learn that space doesn't imply a failing relationship.

Can you guys throw some tips my way - anything, ways to relax, occupy time, talk to her about the problem, or what.

Thanks guys!

-TeaBloke

[eightball61]

Are you male or female? I am assuming male, right?

You & this girl are currently in a long distance fling, right?

You are right though and you need to relax some. You both are going long distance and that is part to the reason why are feeling like this. The other part is that you just got done spending time with her and your mind wants more. This is how the relationship is going to be if you keep the long distance thing going.

In order to keep yourself busy you'll need to be motivated to stay busy. There is a million options that you can choose to keep yourslf busy. You need to sort through the things you like to do and the things you don't like to do.

This relationship is not going to be easy under these conditions. It's very hard to keep a LDR going but some can do it. You can do it yourself but you'll need to relax to accomplish that. You live in one area and she lives in another so you both will have different lives besides this relationship. You can't expect her to sit at home and she's not going to expect the same of you.

You need to understand the conditions that this relationship surrounds and "try" to build something successful off from that.....

Good Luck,

~8Ball

[CalistaClap]

I'm confused too. More clarification would be great...

[mam]

I think that you are too insecure. It would be great if you appreciate yourself more. I think that the relationship hasn’t started yet to be ended up. In my opinion, it was just a new appealing thing that trapped you. I agree with 8Ball that is your life is a little bit empty, and you need to fill it with some activities. Try to keep yourself busy and don’t give it too much thought. Believe in yourself dude, and get out of your shell because I think that if she couldn’t see anything positive in you that night, that means she is standing on a different angle. And that implies that you need a better person cause you deserve better.