How do you re-connect?

[sportymommy]

Ok so I have been with my fiance' now for 5 years. Last June we found out we were expecting and I had to go on immediate bedrest and could have no intimacy for the pregnacy. My son was born 2 months early and spent over a month in ICU. After he came home he required lots of care for a while.

My fiance and I just grew apart. Before I got preggo we were best friends. We were always holding hands, cuddling, kissing, laughing, ect. But after no intimacy and such a bad pregancy ect we just grew apart.

Or rather should I say I did. He is still wanting to cuddle, kiss, hold hands, and be intimate. I however make excuses. I love him dearly. I find him extremely y and attractive. I have no desire to be intimate with anyone else so why do I push him away?

I guess I need some ideas on how I can get back to the "loving" me instead of making excuses of I am too tired, I have a headache, or just not tonight.

I am a stay at home mom and he works and supports us so that I can be home to raise my child. He definately deserves the old me back but I am not sure why I am holding it back.

Any advice or suggestions?

Thanks
Sporty

[yourstruly]

Hey Sporty,

I'm sure it probably has alot to do with your hormones and the fact that you are busy caring for a baby. A baby takes alot out of a mother. Instead of focusing on your partner as you were before, you are focusing on your baby. A child can surely change a relationship in a new york second!

What I'd suggest that you do first is make an appointment to see your ob/gyn. Are you on any form of birth control currently? Ask him/her if your current bc has any libido side effects, or if you aren't on any, I'd suggest that you get put on some because it will regulate your hormones. Hormones are a killer to any relationship if not regulated!!!!

Then I'd suggest setting aside time for just you and your partner, not including baby. Maybe have a date night! Rediscover the art of romance!

[eightball61]

I agree with the points that [i]yourstruly[i/] expressed. I also want to add that durning this time your body, mind, & even hormones have gotten adjusted to being self-independant. What I mean by that is you have gotten adjusted in not wanting him to cuddle, kiss, ect with you.

There are many ways in seeking intimacy. You just need to put your mind to it and try to over power your excuses of not wanting to cuddle or whatever with him. Basically, it's like your training yourself to walk again after you have had your legs broken. It's not an easy task but it can be accomplished.

My advice is for you to "try" the very best you can in trying to get where you want to be. You have taking the first step in realizing the problem and now it's time to face it and fix it. You need to also communicate with your partner constanly so you both can work together on this. If you come across that you both can't accomplish this together then seek a professional coach to help you out.

I hope we have helped some and I wish you both luck ;)

~8Ball

[littlesister2]

I agree with what has been posted here. It is kind of like you need to fake it til you make it. Find some time away from the baby and spend time alone with your man. It may seem a bit strange being alone again but do it regularly. Set aside time to be with him every day. Even if it is 15 minutes. You need time for your relationship to grow now. Babies do change things and hormones can really mess things up. Hang in there. Think about what made you fall in love. Maybe spend time with him talking about the good memories. Good luck!!