When is it too soon when everything is so right

[babylon]

I am a 23 year old female that yearns to be a mother. I just got out of a 5 year relationship with a guy who was my first love. We had planned to have kids when we were older, but the relationship never went that far. Now I am with a 26 year old. He wants me to move in with him. I have only been with him for afew months but things are going great. I am afraid to bring up a topic of a baby. When is the right time to discuss whether or not parenthood is in our future? Is it too soon to be thinking this way? And how do I discuss this with him with out scaring him? Thank you

[Ricksta]

It all depends on the closeness of your relationship and you are the only one who can be the judge here. Do you feel, judging from the relationship, that the subject of children is an appropriate one?

Have you discussed marriage yet, by the way? I mean having children is a huge step for anyone to take and if you cannot be sure about the willingness of commitment, you are basically skipping a step, which is an illogical thing to do.

Just like making all decisions in life, you must first measure the costs of your decisions beforehand and in this case, you must measure the costs of bringing up this subject, through judging the closeness of your relationship.

[Rich]

Babylon-

IMO having and wanting children are big issues. Both you and your partner NEED to be on the same page about this and you need to ask what their feelings are on the subject.

IMO opinion by not asking the question, you're making the same mistake that a lot of people make. By being afraid to ask it shows that your relationship is lacking trust (among other things) and that you shouldn't move in with them.

If your immediate goal is to marry and have children then you need to be asking the appropriate questions to ensure a long lasting, secure and loving relationship.

If you visit my web site you can see that it's my goal to help people bring some practicality into their relationship thinking. You need to put as much thinking, planning and research into your relationship partner as you would do if you went to buy a car or a house. And quite honestly, why wouldn't you?

Don't leave your relationship up to chance and hope. Don't be afraid to ask questions to find out exactly who your partner is, what they feel and what they think.

IMO if you're not sure that your relationship can handle you asking some intimate questions, then you don't have much of a relationship. Why would you even consider moving into that?

Don't hope for things to be, make them be. IMO

Good luck.

Rich

[valueprep]

This might not be the answer you were wanting to hear, however, you should not have a problem with asking any particular mate whether it's the first date or months into the relationship about having kids. It is a deal breaker for many if people do not want to have kids in the future, so that you did not ascertain this a lot earlier is somewhat tenuous at best.

Bring it up casually, don't worry about his reaction. Remember, this is something that is important to you and you should be able to get an answer to such an important ? Thats the best relationship advice I can give you.
The best of luck to you!

Brian

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[eightball61]

Hey,

Everyone will have different views to this and mine stands as tell him when you think its right. Don't move in until you tell him and you feel ready. I am glad you are moving on with things and happen but you still have to take it step by step.

[wickedpixie]

I would marry before I started thinking about a child...but hey...that's just me.......