Been w/ Bf for 8 months, just had abortion...he's treating me differently! :(

[sullengirl555]

My boyfriend and I have not been together too long but have already been through hell (in my opinion). In the beginning it was great...of course...but about after the 1st month it all went to crap. I found out that the charming, loving great guy I got with has a horrible...and i mean horrible temper...i.e, punching walls, taking a bat to objects, fuming anger, cussing, yelling....for really little things. At first this anger was not directed at me...then it slowly was. He has blown up at me for the dumbest things....saying I didnt really like a band...but the beat was good...that was the first huge blow up where he yelled and cussed at me. He has called me a more than once. No other guy has...I consider myself a pretty understanding person. Its like he has 2 personalities...I think he could be borderline. He has also threatened to hurt me if I didnt turn around and look at him, quoting, "turn around, I dont wanna have to hurt you."

He has tried to break up with me because of his temper...but we decided to work it out and are engaged...well we were really dumb and were taking chances having ...I got pregnant...he was sooooo happy...but realistically there is no way we can afford a kid without being broke for the rest of our lives. Hes not in school and I am. HE mentioned the abortion idea cuz I was stressing...I didnt want to but knew it had to be done. He was extremely compassionate and understanding one day about it and totally psycho the next, hanging up on me so he wouldnt cuss me out, blaming my friend for making me decide to get an abortion...when he said it was HIS own idea the day b4...of all things. So its been about a week since I had the abortion. He went from being clingy and lovey, wanting to see me everyday(when he wasnt angry)...to distant and different....he hasnt seen me in 3 or 4 days...says he is tired...blah blah...I live like 10 minutes away...he talks to me different, as if we were just friends. My love for him is changing...but how could it not after all this crap? We are totally opposite....in EVERY way...dont share the same goals....and we cant even get along...he is always angry...sometimes he doesnt even know why!! I knew things were gonna change after I had the abortion...he really wanted a kid...for his own reasons...even though we arent ready. I want children...but not when I cant support them! He even went as far as to say He made a mistake in wanting to have kids with me...which really hurt...then the next hour he forgot he said it.!!!!!!!! What the heck...is he absolutly insane...cuz hes making me insane....advice...comments....and please dont tell me anythng about how bad I am cuz I had an abortion....thats not the issue here....what am I to do about this so called relationship?

[Ricksta]

You have two choices here...

Either you get out of this relationship immediately, a relationship that is just going to keep going down the drain mind you or you can stay in this relationship and stay miserable for the rest of your life with his abusive behaviour.

He is obviously unwilling to change and you cannot change him, either since nobody has the power to change someone unless that person chooses to change themselves so there are only two choices.

Make a choice, not for him, but for yourself for once for a change.

[Rich]

Sullengirl-

When it comes to abortions, there are a lot of emotions that come into play. I'm sure that you've experienced some of those yourself. From knowing in your mind that it's the right thing to do, to feeling depressed that you somehow let the baby down. Plus so many more.

Also keep in mind that men and women will feel different emotions about the event as well.

IMO it sounds like your boyfriend has some emotion issues to begin with anyway.

As a relationship consultant it's my desire to lower the divorce rate in this country by trying to show couples, that are contemplating marriage, that there's so much more to marriage then "love". That love is but one ingredient that goes into making an awesome relationship. You have some serious road signs pointing out a particular cuations but you're emotionally moving forward "in the hopes that".

My advice to you is to step back and look at your relationship from a 1000 foot view. See the whole forrest and not just the trees in front of you. See your relationship as a whole. Be practical about what you're looking for in a marriage, what you have in your boyfriend and go from there. You're not forced to do anything and don't feel guilty about things if your inner guide is steering you in another direction.

Just know that for the most part people are who they are and change in small amounts, if any at all. I'd be very leary about your boyfriends anger and outbursts. PHYSICAL THREATS SHOULD NOT EXIST! Do you really want to live the rest of your life in fear of your husband? If he's stressed out now then he will be more stressed out because marraige is not easy. Do you want to live in love with your boyfriend or in fear of him hurting you?

Be careful.

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com