less Marriage. Please help!

[Suzy]

I've never been to a message board before. I need help with my marriage. I'm in my late 30's and over the last year have completely lost my drive. I've been married for 18yrs. and i'm afraid it I don't get some help the marriage will be over.

Thanks Suzy

[Rich]

Suzy-

IMO you should go to your doc and see if there's anything physically wrong.

If nothing is physicaly wrong then you need to evaluate your life. Is your drive deminishing because:

-You and your husband fight alot and are turned off.
-you both work long hours and are tired
-you have kids, which is a big drain
-you're just unattracted to each other now.
-you're both very comfortable with each other and just take each other for granted and whenever it happens?
-your life got boring (missionary only) and it's not fun anymore?

Depending on which answer(s) you choose will drive a particular solution.

Without knowing anything in particular about why it is, the only advice one can give is that you should have an open and frank discussion with your husband.

I'm sure that he has noticed your life and has questions himself. If you're both on the same page that your lack of drive is because of other issues than that you fell out of love with your husband, then you both need to explore ways to get the excitement back.

Meet at a motel. Wear hot lingere. Add some toys to your life. Get a kama sutra book on different positions. Get a blindfold, some handcuffs or rope and tie each other to the bed and tease each other. There's so much to do to spice things up, you just need to be open with each other and not afraid to speak what's on your mind.

Do some role playing. Ask what fantasies that your husband has and tell him some of yours. Then meet those fantasies within the bounds of what you're both comfortable doing.

MAKE FUN AGAIN! ;)

Good luck

[sunshine]

im sorry to hear this,im 22 and have the same prob. do you guys fight alot? i cant seem to want to have when we are fighting. another thing is early menopause,no you are not old, but it can start as soon as your early 30's. has your husband cheated? if so that could have alot to do with it. do you have probs. with you thyroid? that could be it too. if your marrige is good and you are happy, i would see a doctor, if your husband loves you hell help you get through this not leave you, but i know toooo well the stress it can put on you... :eek:

[William Scott]

I am 28 and for the past 3 years or so my drive has gone down alot. I am kinda glad because I hated having to think with two heads. Think about it.

Anywho my girlfriend is in her prime. We dont really mix well with this subject but ya know what, she cant say I am like all other guys..only out for .

I feel that my relationship with her isnt about , its about the other things. She realizes that and understands. Sometimes your life is sooo busy that is so far from your mind. But do tell you partner whats going on. Alot more damage can be done when nothing is explain. She thought I wasnt attracted to her. Not true, I dont want a based relationship. I want all of it.

Hope all goes well

God bless!

[Diablo]

What's your diet like? Certain foods can increase drive while others can decrease it. Take for example tea and coffee. Tea decreases the drive, whereas coffee will increase it; however, it has to be real coffee, that instant junk won't work. You should speak with a doctor or reputable nutritionist about this. Food and drink may not be all of the problem, but you may notice an increase in your drive if you increase the amount of coffee you drink and it's not the caffine that does it. Decaf works slightly better than regular coffee