needing space?

[nadia314]

Need help please...
Was with my guy for about 5 months...he moved here for his job..he took a promotion. Well things were great between us..we still have never fought or anything. well recently he began to be distant ..it was obvious things were different..we talked about it a few times. I told him how it bothered me. Things did not change. Well I wanted to see if he needed space..he said he does. He said he needs to focus on him and his career. He said he cant give me what i need and what he wants to give me right now. He says he need to get things situated at work..since that is why he is here anyway. The thing is its been a week...we havent spoken on the phone..but he has contacted me by email or text everyday. Im so hurt and confused. I really really care for him so much..do i try to stick it out and be his friend hoping it works out or do i try to move on....I cant stop missing him.

[Ricksta]

What you must realise is the fact that there is a huge difference between unwillingness and inability. He claims he cannot provide what you need, but what he is really trying to say here, is that he does not want to give you what he can give you. I mean it is not difficult for anyone to keep a relationship going because the key factor is about having a mutual desire. If he desires enough to make you happy, then there is nothing stopping him.

You see he does not care for you the way you care for him and that is the entire issue. He is choosing his career over you, which is totally unacceptable. If he actually loved you, should you not be a part of his dreams instead of just his career?

The lousiest excuse in the world is, “needing space” because needing space is exactly like saying, “Wait for me while I am trying to find something better and if I cannot find anyone else, lucky you, but if I can, then too bad for you.”

Well, what about you Nadia, what about your feelings? Obviously, he does not care. He knows he is putting you on the backburner, hurting you, yet he does not care. You have to decide whether you are going to let him or anyone else for that matter, treat you like this, like garbage.

Nobody can tell you what to do because you are the only one who can decide how to live your life. All I am saying is that you need to think about yourself. Just because someone is willing to compromise your feelings does not mean you have the right to compromise your own feelings as well. Your responsibility is to do what is best for yourself.

I will tell you though, your feelings are important and your heart matters very much. I am also hurting these days, but although hurting is inevitable, it does not take away the fact that everyone can make the choice to heal those emotional wounds and so can you.

You can get yourself through anything if you believe in yourself and I say you have every reason to believe in yourself.