Emma
11-17-2004, 11:28 PM
Sorry for the length of this but if I'm going to get good advice I need to tell the whole story.
I'm a 20-year-old female college student. My two friends, Matt and Chris, are also my age, but I go to one state school and they go to another. Okay, Matt and I are best friends in the entire world. We have been since we were 12. Back then, Chris and I didn't like each other at all. I was sort of a "perfect priss ", as he used to say, and they were a couple of dorks. But I always knew that they were two of the best guys in the entire world. You will never see two straight guys who aren't related who are closer than Matt and Chris.
Anyway, Matt and I have always had this very intense friendship. The kind of friendship where everyone asks you constantly if you're together or just flat-out assumes you are. From age 12 to 20, it's been that way. At 15, he liked me but I ruined it by choosing a senior guy over him. Then we both fell in love with other people junior year. This lasted about a year and we both broke up with our significant others around the same time. We are still pretty much crushed by this. Anyway, we were very tentatively taking steps toward something senior year and even kissed once but the next day we were in a terrible car accident. Matt was driving with me and two of our good friends in the car. He was speeding (no alcohol) and our two friends were killed.
Needless to say, this changed our lives irrevocably. Matt was racked with guilt and I was horribly depressed and our whole (very small) town turned against Matt.
Now about Chris, we realized around 16 that we didn't hate each other but were still pretty much friends because of Matt. But after the accident Chris and I realized how good of friends we actually were.
Anyway, sophomore year of college (last year) Matt was sent to jail for 9 months because of the accident. During this time, I guess Chris took it upon himself to take care of me in Matt's place, because we became very close. Matt got out in May and the three of us were home for the summer. Matt and I of course picked up our intense relationship with all its confusing signals again but now there was this new closeness with Chris. The three of us hung out all summer.
Now that school has started again I am separated from them and it has become more and more evident that Matt is suffering from extreme guilt and has mood swings and is just generally not himself. When he gets like this, who do I turn to? Chris. I find myself telling him things I used to only tell Matt. Chris is an extremely loyal friend to Matt and always reassures me that Matt will come around because he loves me. Yet I sometimes got the feeling that Chris had a slight, just teensy, thing for me (looks, comments), even though he has a girlfriend. I know he's not in love with her because he's still hung up on his high-school girlfriend (just like me and Matt are). He had cheated on her a lot and so broke up with her. Now he has this mission to prove he can be with a girl without cheating on her.
Finally, on to what this whole post is about. Chris' 21st birthday was in October. Chris invited me to stay at their house for the party even though Matt and I had just had an extremely uncharacteristic fight. Anyway, we all get totally and completely drunk, of course, and Matt drags me outside. At first, we were just drunkenly flirting, but then we started talking about the accident and him being in jail and it got very emotional. He was just holding on to me for dear life and telling me how much I mean to him and how much he loves me and begging me to not ever leave him. He even told me that he would give up Chris before he gave up me. When I said that I hated us fighting he said nothing will ever change what we are to each other and there will never be a girl like me in his life, and we even kissed. There was this girl there that he didn't know was going to be there that Chris knew that had drove 8 hours to be at the party to visit Matt, so of course after this little interlude, I had to spend 20 minutes convincing her that there was nothing going on between me and Matt.
Anyway, when everybody left the party, the four of us proceeded to get even drunker and later when it was time for bed since the girl was sleeping with Matt in his room I said I would sleep with Chris in his. Chris looked really nervous at this idea but I didn't care because I was drunk. Anyway, Chris and I ended up having that night. Completely wild, drunken, passionate . Something I never thought Chris and I would do, ever, in a million years. Like, I had bruises later. The next morning we both acted completely normal and it wasn't weird at all. We both agreed that it was a one-time thing and that it should definitely be a secret. I think we both felt like we cheated on Matt, because I don't know what we would do if he found out. It would completely throw off the balance of our friendship, which is probably forever altered anyway now. Plus, Chris has a girlfriend. For the two nights after I went back home, Chris called me and we talked for a long time. The second night, we talked for 3 hours, about everything that ever happened to us. We could even talk about the , it wasn't weird. This completely freaked me out so I decided that if he called again I wouldn't pick up the phone. Thankfully he didn't (I don't know if it freaked him out too) and I haven't heard from them since (which is normal as we all get busy and often go a couple of months without contact when we're at school).
But now I feel really weird. Matt is the person I can see myself being with later when we're more settled, but not now. I don't really want to be with Chris, but now I'm thinking we would definitely sleep together again if the opportunity arose. But then I feel as if we're betraying Matt. Help, I'm confused!!!!
I'm a 20-year-old female college student. My two friends, Matt and Chris, are also my age, but I go to one state school and they go to another. Okay, Matt and I are best friends in the entire world. We have been since we were 12. Back then, Chris and I didn't like each other at all. I was sort of a "perfect priss ", as he used to say, and they were a couple of dorks. But I always knew that they were two of the best guys in the entire world. You will never see two straight guys who aren't related who are closer than Matt and Chris.
Anyway, Matt and I have always had this very intense friendship. The kind of friendship where everyone asks you constantly if you're together or just flat-out assumes you are. From age 12 to 20, it's been that way. At 15, he liked me but I ruined it by choosing a senior guy over him. Then we both fell in love with other people junior year. This lasted about a year and we both broke up with our significant others around the same time. We are still pretty much crushed by this. Anyway, we were very tentatively taking steps toward something senior year and even kissed once but the next day we were in a terrible car accident. Matt was driving with me and two of our good friends in the car. He was speeding (no alcohol) and our two friends were killed.
Needless to say, this changed our lives irrevocably. Matt was racked with guilt and I was horribly depressed and our whole (very small) town turned against Matt.
Now about Chris, we realized around 16 that we didn't hate each other but were still pretty much friends because of Matt. But after the accident Chris and I realized how good of friends we actually were.
Anyway, sophomore year of college (last year) Matt was sent to jail for 9 months because of the accident. During this time, I guess Chris took it upon himself to take care of me in Matt's place, because we became very close. Matt got out in May and the three of us were home for the summer. Matt and I of course picked up our intense relationship with all its confusing signals again but now there was this new closeness with Chris. The three of us hung out all summer.
Now that school has started again I am separated from them and it has become more and more evident that Matt is suffering from extreme guilt and has mood swings and is just generally not himself. When he gets like this, who do I turn to? Chris. I find myself telling him things I used to only tell Matt. Chris is an extremely loyal friend to Matt and always reassures me that Matt will come around because he loves me. Yet I sometimes got the feeling that Chris had a slight, just teensy, thing for me (looks, comments), even though he has a girlfriend. I know he's not in love with her because he's still hung up on his high-school girlfriend (just like me and Matt are). He had cheated on her a lot and so broke up with her. Now he has this mission to prove he can be with a girl without cheating on her.
Finally, on to what this whole post is about. Chris' 21st birthday was in October. Chris invited me to stay at their house for the party even though Matt and I had just had an extremely uncharacteristic fight. Anyway, we all get totally and completely drunk, of course, and Matt drags me outside. At first, we were just drunkenly flirting, but then we started talking about the accident and him being in jail and it got very emotional. He was just holding on to me for dear life and telling me how much I mean to him and how much he loves me and begging me to not ever leave him. He even told me that he would give up Chris before he gave up me. When I said that I hated us fighting he said nothing will ever change what we are to each other and there will never be a girl like me in his life, and we even kissed. There was this girl there that he didn't know was going to be there that Chris knew that had drove 8 hours to be at the party to visit Matt, so of course after this little interlude, I had to spend 20 minutes convincing her that there was nothing going on between me and Matt.
Anyway, when everybody left the party, the four of us proceeded to get even drunker and later when it was time for bed since the girl was sleeping with Matt in his room I said I would sleep with Chris in his. Chris looked really nervous at this idea but I didn't care because I was drunk. Anyway, Chris and I ended up having that night. Completely wild, drunken, passionate . Something I never thought Chris and I would do, ever, in a million years. Like, I had bruises later. The next morning we both acted completely normal and it wasn't weird at all. We both agreed that it was a one-time thing and that it should definitely be a secret. I think we both felt like we cheated on Matt, because I don't know what we would do if he found out. It would completely throw off the balance of our friendship, which is probably forever altered anyway now. Plus, Chris has a girlfriend. For the two nights after I went back home, Chris called me and we talked for a long time. The second night, we talked for 3 hours, about everything that ever happened to us. We could even talk about the , it wasn't weird. This completely freaked me out so I decided that if he called again I wouldn't pick up the phone. Thankfully he didn't (I don't know if it freaked him out too) and I haven't heard from them since (which is normal as we all get busy and often go a couple of months without contact when we're at school).
But now I feel really weird. Matt is the person I can see myself being with later when we're more settled, but not now. I don't really want to be with Chris, but now I'm thinking we would definitely sleep together again if the opportunity arose. But then I feel as if we're betraying Matt. Help, I'm confused!!!!