Finding balance....

[XNeedsHelp]

As told in one of my previous posts, how do I find balance with my girlfriend as our relationship has been changing. Our relationship went from a state of her pretty much really loving and caring bout me to me loving and caring more for her. Its just so hard to see what has changed when my mind was so clouded in the past. I know I could of treated her better and there were plenty of times she needed me and I just wasn't there for her and she tells me that eventually it just seemed that I lost interest in her and seemed to be focusing on everything else then her. I know I have changed for the better as I no longer take her for granted and try to be with her as much as I can. The only problem is now I feel guilty and stop doing stuff if she calls me on it. In other words, she'll be like ok bye I love you. I'll call you when I am out of work. This is cool and great, but also brings up the point that I fear if I am doing something and can't break away immediately that she'll feel I am slipping back into my old ways and start believing that I am putting my stuff first and her last. The complicated part is that when Iam at work and she is doing something and goes over on time, I'll be like ok well I will see you when you get here (even though I feel like its not really even that she doesnt seem to feel as guilty as I do or show it). Don't get me wrong she calls and assures me, she'll do whatever she is doing as quick as she can and stuff, but still I just feel like she is in the mode that I once was in, knowing that she/he will always be there at your becken call and having no fear of losing them therefore you relax and are out with your friends more knowing when your done they will always be there in the end. For me I didn't wake up and realize how much I loved her until she started to fade on me. At least thats what I felt like, for all I know, nothing may have changed and our relationship could of been going like this since day 1 and I never noticed it. Its very weird how clouded my mind was toward her and then in a split second, it was like a light bulb went on and I realized how much I cared for her and loved her and wanted to change.

So to summarize and what I need help figuring out is like how do I find this balance. I mean half of me is telling me, I need to hang out with my friends more so that she too will have a light go on and respect me more. But then the other half of me is saying that she hates when I am not around and is why she started losing interest in me in the first place, because she felt like I was placing her 2nd behind my friends. Oh yes, one other thing I have noticed is that, its weird but the stuff that makes her upset and mad seems to pull her closer to me. In other words when I went out with my friends in the past and even when I mention it now, the fear of me doing it gets me more the attention that I crave. She seems to care more, asks where I am going, that she would rather I not go, when will I be home etc etc.

ahhhh the relationship games we all must endure. How do you get through it all, where is the balance.

xneedsomehelp
thanks

[yourstruly]

what I don't understand is why you keep making a new thread, instead of adding to your original one. All you have to do is go to the "Couple" Forum and search for your thread, and update it.

Anyway, WE cannot help you get this "balance" that you are looking for. I will say that you are RIGHT for wanting that balance...it is NOT good to be in a co-dependent relationship, but I cannot tell you how to do it other than to say to just communicate with her about it. Actually sit down and talk about your relationship and decide a plan of action. If there is no communication, there is nothing.

[eightball61]

Every thread that you have made since you became a member here (in October) you have not calmed down about this relationship. Your mind likes to wonder to much and that's going to get you in trouble...lol

You need to take chill-pill before this relationship shits the bed. If you keep allowing these insecurities to take the best of you then it will take the best of the relationship away as well. You know what you have to do but you keep fearing for the worse. You need to suck it up and just do it. This women chose to be with you for a reason so charish that and be happy for where you're at in life.