Dilemma

[Samber]

I have a problem. My boyfriend and I have been dating about 8 months now. He spends a lot of time at my house, I spend a lot of time at his house. The problem is, his house is very unkept. I am a very neat and clean person. His house is dirty and cluttered. At first I tried to deal with it, but it's getting to the point that I can't any more.

When he asks me to come over, I try to come up with some excuse why I can't. I try to give him little hints, but he's not getting it. I am willing to help him get the place cleaned up.

How can I tell him how I feel without hurting his feelings? I love him so much, I just don't want to hurt him. It's to the point now where the possibility of moving in together may happen in the near future, but I can't live with him like that.

Any advise would be appreciated. Thank you.

[Muse]

I say tell him that you would appreciate it and that it would mean a lot to you if he would make an effort to make his place more presentable. Make sure you bring up that, if he wants, you could help him do it. Just make sure you let him know your real feelings on the matter (and do it soon).

I believe that the way a person takes care of ther habitat and possessions is, in some way, a reflection of both their personality and on how much they respect those around them.

[Rich]

I agree with Muse. Be honest and tell your boyfriend that the mess in his place bothers you. Tell him that you won't come over until it's cleaned up.

IMO you can offer to help, but your boyfriend is a big boy and can do it himself. Afterall he made the mess by himself and he can clean it by himself.

And quite honestly if you think that telling your boyfriend that the mess in his place bothers you will upset him, that's not saying much for your relationship in terms of being open with each other and being able to communicate. Why would you want to move in with someone like that and a situation where you can't speak freely and honestly. You'd just be asking for trouble and heartache.

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com

[eightball61]

I agree with others here and you do need to be honest about the whole thing. Of course its his habitate but he needs to know and make a change to please you and please him at the same time. Its like a mutual agreement.

My GF's room is the same way and I hate it because I am a neat freak also. What we do is we clean it together. It doesn't always stay clean but we use the quality time together and clean to make things more appealing.