Bf of 2 1/2 yrs

[lilaznlovin]

So, i've been with my bf for almost 2 1/2 yrs and he doesn't want to tell his parents that we are dating. My mom knows bout him and sees him whenever we see each other. Everytime he decides that he's going to tell his parents about his someone we always manage to get into some kind of argument and he doesn't... what a coincidience!

BTW, there's no trust in our relationship due to it being my fault. But here is the situation. My bf is very protective, insecure and very very jealous... he doesn't want to talk to anyone else besides family. I really love him and I've decided to cut off all ties with everyone besides him and my cousins. So, the one time that i get online and talk to someone else its happens that my x-bf msged me and i replied. I agreed to meet him up just to catch up (i have known my x-bf since i was 8 and he was my first love) and it was actually my bf using my x-bf's screenname! So the my bf got upset. We almost broke up but manage to stay together til now.

I only see my bf once a week i only talk to him whenever he calls, he always misses my calls. I had to buy him a cell phone to actually be able to talk to him. Even then we dont get to talk much... We have shared a phone plan for over 1 1/2 yrs and he has only paid for the bill once.
So, now we're in a fight he's telling me he no longer wants to be with me...

I have done everything for him. kinda lost on what do to.. i love him and i dunno wanna lose him...

[eightball61]

How old are you both?

Do you both live together?

Does his parents live close or far away from you both?

[lilaznlovin]

we're both 21. No, we do not live together... and we both live in the same city. We live approx 30 mins apart but his dad's new office is only 5 mins away from my house

[eightball61]

So your boyfriend has insecurities, won't tell his parents about you, spends more time on the net than with you, plays games by tricking you into thinking you were meeting your ex, never answers your calls, you both only see each other once a week, and so forth.....I'm sure this list could go on so my question to you is how can you even call this a relationship?

[lilaznlovin]

Well, when he's around he's very sweet and caring.. he treats me like no other. He's always kissing my hands and forehead.. always showing affection.

I mean we talk but i guess not as much as i want tooo

[eightball61]

Well, when he's around he's very sweet and caring.. he treats me like no other. He's always kissing my hands and forehead.. always showing affection.

I mean we talk but i guess not as much as i want tooo


Then you need to have a talk with him about treating this relationship like it's a relationship. In my eyes he seems to be just treading water and milking you for whatever he can get.

[Diablo]

He treats you like shit. You should just let him go and go find someone who will treat you well. I mean you foot the bill for that phone plan and hardly get to talk to him. Women! The worse you treat them, the more they love you. *Wanders off muttering expletives*

[lilaznlovin]

I don't even know anymore...

we're on the verge of breaking up... we haven't really spoken to each other for almost a week now.

I think I just need to come into terms and accept the fact this relationship just isn't healthy for me.

[Diablo]

You just hit the nail on the head. A healthy relationship is not the easiest thing in the world to find, but the one you're in is very unhealthy. It is not normal to insist that you have no contact with other people. That's a sign of an abusive personality.

[eightball61]

I think I just need to come into terms and accept the fact this relationship just isn't healthy for me.


^^Sorry to say but I agree with you. Stop being in denial and face the reality of the situation. You need to break it off.

[lilaznlovin]

Yes, I totally agree not to mention the fact that last Friday I mention to him that he is verbally abusive to me.

[eightball61]

Yes, I totally agree not to mention the fact that last Friday I mention to him that he is verbally abusive to me.


Please read the first posting on this thread:
http://www.relationshipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=744


You need to get our of this relationship now.

[lilaznlovin]

Please read the first posting on this thread:
http://www.relationshipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=744


You need to get our of this relationship now.

I understand it's not healthy but i love him dearly... He's the only person I could turn too that would understand me

[eightball61]

I understand it's not healthy but i love him dearly... He's the only person I could turn too that would understand me

You love him but do you truly know that he loves you??? I mean, he isn't making any advancement in this relationship, he verbally abuses you, and uses you. I don't know what it will take for you to wakeup and smell the coffee but I do pray that things turn out better for you.

Good Luck

[lilaznlovin]

I know for a fact that he does love me very much. As he has poured his heart out the time that the whole incident w/ my ex-bf. He even poured his out to my mother. He sat there crying with streams of water coming down... he was so hurt. He just feels as he does not measure up to my ex and that I still have feelings for my ex.

I think he's just gettin tired of the whole relationship and he is ready to give up on it.

[eightball61]

I know for a fact that he does love me very much. As he has poured his heart out the time that the whole incident w/ my ex-bf. He even poured his out to my mother. He sat there crying with streams of water coming down... he was so hurt. He just feels as he does not measure up to my ex and that I still have feelings for my ex.

I think he's just gettin tired of the whole relationship and he is ready to give up on it.

Stop making excuses for him.....It's clear that your boyfriend has issues and this relationship isn't healthy(which you notice as well). I think it's best for you to move on but only you can make that determination. Go with what you think is best. The only way you'll learn is by making mistakes from the decisions that you make. It's a risk if you leave and it's a risk if you stay so follow your heart on this one.

Best Wishes :)

[lilaznlovin]

It's a risk if you leave and it's a risk if you stay so follow your heart on this one.

Best Wishes :)

follow my heart.. my heart tells me to stay but my mind tells me to leave :(

[eightball61]

follow my heart.. my heart tells me to stay but my mind tells me to leave


Well since you haven't seen him in almost a week it shouldn't be that hard to break things off..... :rolleyes:

What's keeping you in this relationship anyway? You know it's not healthy so why stay? Are you afraid of being alone? If you're afraid of being alone then that's pretty pathetic if you ask me because I'd rather be alone than be with him. Something though is keeping you with him. You can't say it's love that keeping you with him because people that love each other breakup everyday. When something doesn't work it just doesn't work so then you must move on to something that does work.

I wish I could further help but you we can't make this decision for you. There's no right or wrong answer to the decision that you make. You need to go with what will make you happy in the long haul.

[lilaznlovin]

im not afraid of being alone. I have other guys out there that i've met before my bf that says they're waiting for me.. one just actually called my sister last month to see if i was available.

there's just something bout him that i can't let do. I know ultimately the decision is mine.

[eightball61]

there's just something bout him that i can't let do. I know ultimately the decision is mine.

Well I wish you the best of luck & I hope everything works out to your favor.

[Diablo]

Most women at least go through a stage in which they love abusive men. It's a trap dear. This man will make you miserable.

[angeleyes325]

im not afraid of being alone. I have other guys out there that i've met before my bf that says they're waiting for me.. one just actually called my sister last month to see if i was available.

there's just something bout him that i can't let do. I know ultimately the decision is mine.

Oh honey, you got a classic case of "bad boy love" and I really believe you are still with him becuz you "think" its going to work out.

Trust me, I was in your shoes a few years ago. Not fun. YOU ARE BASICALLY NOTHING BUT HIS SUGAR MAMA. So my advise is to call the phone company and drop him from your plan. NO MORE HANDOUTS!!!! Like he deserves them anyway. You've provided a means of communication that he doesn't take a whole lot of initiative in helping out or using it to speak to you with.

Next, Its not YOUR fault he hasn't introduced you to his family. THAT IS HIS ISSUE!! IMO, it makes him an insecure hypocrit to blame you for his issues and then tries to control your every move, who you see outside of your relationship. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO GIVE UP YOUR GOOD FRIENDS BECUZ HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU HANGING OUT WITH THEM. My advise: Next time he tells you not to hangout with a long time friend ( cuz I'm sure that your nothing more than friends with your ex..etc) is tell him to eat shit (er be a ) cuz you have no ring on your finger and no document binding you to him therefore he doesn't own you nor are you obligated to devote your entire life to him.

You are there only when its convient for him. Hence, the reason he hardly talks to you or sees you for days at a time YET YOU LIVE IN THE SAME CITY...I smell something fishy with your whole situation.

If I were you wether you love him or not, GET OUT WHILE THE GETTING IS GOOD. If this guy really loves you, he'll wise up, work thru his issues, and come back for you. Otherwise girl, you are most definitely better off without him and his issues. Take it from me I almost married a guy who was just like him. Man am I ever so thankful that I ditched him to.

Best Wishes and remember, if you are still stuck just ask yourself WWJD in this situation.

Angel

[lilaznlovin]

it's just so hard.

The main reason he's was really scared on telling his parents that we dating is because his family has alot of old fashion believes. His mother does not believe in being a single mother. His mother believes in going to college and gettin a college degree. I agree everyone needs a degree but ever since I was 16 I have been working full-time helping with family bills ie. mortgage payments. I have been waking up at 5am and lots of time earlier to go work. There are times when I work 50-60 hours sometimes more a week.

I also feel as his mother would not accept me cause I am not currently enrolled in school. But I do have valid reasons. I have met his parents. I have had dinner with and went to their house on a few occasions but only as his "friend".

I just feel as I've been through so much with him. I'm just not ready to give it up.

[eightball61]

it's just so hard.

The main reason he's was really scared on telling his parents that we dating is because his family has alot of old fashion believes. His mother does not believe in being a single mother which my mom raised myself and 5 siblings by herself due to my alcholic & abusive father which gave away my mom's business of $400,000.00 and left us with nothing. His mother believes in going to college and gettin a college degree. I agree everyone needs a degree but ever since I was 16 I have been working full-time helping with family bills ie. mortgage payments. I have been waking up at 5am and lots of time earlier to go work. There are times when I work 50-60 hours sometimes more a week.

I also feel as his mother would not accept me cause I am not currently enrolled in school. But I do have valid reasons. I have met his parents. I have had dinner with and went to their house on a few occasions but only as his "friend".

I just feel as I've been through so much with him. I'm just not ready to give it up.

I believe Chris Rock said this best "if you been dating a man for four
months and you haven't met any of
his friends your not his girlfriend".....



Same applies to family....Sorry to break it this way but again that's just a lame excuse. I don't know what it will take for you to realize but most people would have ran from a relationship like this 6 months into it.

[lilaznlovin]

i did meet his parents before 4 months. I have met all of his friends. He doesn't mind me talkin to his friends but he only mind when i talk to mine. Most of my friends were guys that i've dated or guys that actually liked me. Hence, why he was so insecure when we all hung around. They basically told him that if i wasn't his girl they would continue to try to date me. His own friends wants to date me. Not that I think I'm pretty at all. I just think that I am just like every other female out there. But for some reasons guys get attracted to me for no obvious reason.

My brother told me his friends think i'm attractive cause of my care-free attitude.

[eightball61]

i did meet his parents before 4 months. I have met all of his friends. He doesn't mind me talkin to his friends but he only mind when i talk to mine. Most of my friends were guys that i've dated or guys that actually liked me. Hence, why he was so insecure when we all hung around. They basically told him that if i wasn't his girl they would continue to try to date me. His own friends wants to date me. Not that I think I'm pretty at all. I just think that I am just like every other female out there. But for some reasons guys get attracted to me for no obvious reason.

My brother told me his friends think i'm attractive cause of my care-free attitude.

Jeezzz....Wake up sister....Who the hell cares if his friends want to bang you or not. The situation is that he is controlling and his parents don't know a damn thing about you. If you want to live your live in a lie then that's your call but if you like openness, honesty, and trust then he isn't for you.

This post took up 5 pages of excuses. It's clearly written across the board that your not going to leave him. So if you aren't going to seek better then why ???

[lilaznlovin]

well, enough has been said.

him and i are officially over.

[eightball61]

him and i are officially over.



lol....No you're not.

Either A: You're just saying that to shut me up or B: You actually did because your easily persuaded.

Which one was it?

If you were madly in love with the guy it would have taken you more then one day to build the strength to end the relationship. A decision like this (especially dating for 2 1/5 years) doesn't come easy to anyone.

Yesturday, you went through phases of "yes, I'm gonna end it" to phases of "he is very caring to me". I really do think that your easily persuaded.

You need to think about this for yourself and make a firm decision. You said it yourself and this relationship is not healthy. If you love the guy & love how things currently are then stay with him but if you're looking for advancement in a relationship & someone that doesn't treat you like shit then move on.

The decision that you make has to benefit you & only you in a positive way.

[lilaznlovin]

you could think all you want to think.

him and i both agreed that this relationship isn't working.

correct, i have no need to lie. I do love him dearly. But, after everything that we went through we came to terms that it's over.

At least, we ended the relationship on good terms.

[angeleyes325]

Its for the best then. May I ask if he's from Texas as I see that you are? I live and work in Texas and you know that saying that Everything is bigger in Texas. Well trust me, 8ball was right when he said that its all just one big excuse with yr EX BF. And I've found this true of a lot of Texas guys LOL, he has an Ego, and selfish attitude that is bigger than Texas.

What his mother believes is nothing more than his way of saying " I don't want you to be my girl around my family becuz I'm either a coward and don't see our relationship going anywhere." He's immature and you deserve better than that. Honestly, If anything his mother would probably have a lot of respect for you and the way you were raised with out your father. Trust me I was raised basically the same as you only my mother was/and still is a Sgt with our police department and she worked Night shift when we were little. I rarely saw my mother during the day and on weekends cuz she was working so I understand your situation totatly. It made your mother strong willed as I'm sure it did you. But you have let this guy manipulate you the way he wants to so that he can have you whenever but not have to "committ to you in his parents eyes." And that girl is WRONG.

Its good you ended things amicably, but he's a sterotypical manipulator and controller so please don't go back with him. In a healthy relationship, you would be able to spend alone time with your own friend on occasion and also with his family as his GF. And that's not what he's "allowed." So its good that you let him go. You deserve SOOO much better.

Best Wishes Angel

[lilaznlovin]

thank you very much for your encouragements!!!

[angeleyes325]

Your welcome. Best Wishes.

Angel

[eightball61]

Well, I do wish you the best of luck & it probably in your best interest not to go back with him. It's now time to find someone that is more committed to you and someone that wants to take a long-term relationship the extra mile.

[lilaznlovin]

i agree... more likely im going to just my own thing for a while... and stay away from any relationship.