Help

[cherry0125]

Ok ive been on here before off and on the past 5 years. I have a bf that had very bad childhood. SO we were always on and off again, because he wasnt ready. I moved in with him for about a year and a half. He wanted to marry me and so on. But relationship started to go down hill stopped due to disfuction after he took me to look at rings in April . We had a fight i ended up moving out in Nov. He started going to therapy because he doesnt know how to show love or deal with it. He never had it growing up. Ok so hurricane wilma hit about a week after i left. We had talked everyday until then and saw each other once. He said it was very hard for him to see me. Then boom he felt too guilty to see me or talk to me after the hurricane. Its been months now. He braught me my mail last month and was affectionate but would come in my room for rent. Then he started popping up at the bar i would go to. Then he called. Now its been almost 3 weeks. The last time we saw each other he said he still loved me and missed me. He wouldnt kiss me but would hold my hand. I said to him i will find someone else since you dont want me, he said no that is not what i said. Well during the months we didnt talk i told him i did not want to be with him i just wanted my stuff. he stays at a house with 7 people he lost the apt from the storm and both our cars got damaged. He called my insurance company to take care of lack of money and called me when they called him. He used to text me if i text him. But i find myself lost. His best friend and i hang out on weekends. He says i have to make the move. What do i do. Help

[eightball61]

If he wanted in with you then he would make a move as well. He is the one that called the that originally shots so if he really wanted you back then he would make more of an effort.

[cherry0125]

His friend says i need to. He wont due to rejection. He said the night he said his feelings i should have said something. But ironically the past few weeks. he tells his friend call me if she is there and he doesnt there for he doesnt come out. Yet he will tell his friend i am coming, but call if she comes. But with no call he doesnt come. But he doesnt go to therapy anymore, but lives with 7 people. But we never broke up, until after i said things i was mad and saying i didnt want to be with him. The day he found out i had an account on myspace he text me he didnt want a gf right now.

[saffie]

maybe it's tiime to move on! i know it will be hard but by the sounds of it the relationship was never easy!

[eightball61]

Again, he originally called the shots so why do you have to chase him? If he wanted something more then he would make the effort. Time to move on.

[cherry0125]

But with the situation stopping abruptly due to a hurricane i cant find myself to let it end this way. We love each other.This i know. But everyone says for me to make move to let him know the door is still open. His friends say he is scared, but he also has no place to live or stablilty in his life.

[eightball61]

How far away from him are you?

[cherry0125]

Not too far. But the situation is not the easiest. He cant even get out of the house alone, staying where he is. Try talking on the phone with 6 people around. But he tells me his feelings face to face. He said he didnt want to loose me, so shoulkd i have said something. I dont really call or text him at all. If i call its about my car. So its like people say to call and say what is on my mind. His friend is trying to get us to talk this weekend. But i dont know what to say other then i love you and want you back. But if he didnt want to be with me we would be freinds, we would talk and hang out like normal people. It was very hard for him even too look me in the eye the few times i saw him.

[saffie]

Sometimes when you love someone need to let them go! Love is a strage thing it doesn't always do us good..... and when it causes more upset than happieness then it's better to walk away!

[cherry0125]

We were very good together and we always completed each other. EVeryone says we were happier when we were together.

[eightball61]

Not too far. .

But if he wanted back with you then he'd make the effort.....

[cherry0125]

ok but why make an effort if you dont know you can. he wont unless he knows he wont be rejected. but we cant even get time alone so how can he? what can i do here to let him know. Listen to his best friend.

[saffie]

Got to ask yourself why things went bad! The guy seems to have too much emotional baggage to be in any relationship! He needs space to figure out who he is and how to love! He cannot give you what you want until he's figured out who he is!

[eightball61]

Well try to make a move but if he doesn't then you need to take the hint once again....

[cherry0125]

I agree with you there. But it ended to him being homeless and feeling guilty kept him away from me.. we all hope him being around a normal family will help him but i dont know. What do i say to him. I should have when he put his feelings out there. Me not responding was like rejection.

[cherry0125]

Ok but what type of mood. he shows he still wants me. He goes out of his way to deal with my insurance company, he tells his feelings. I dont understand what the bar thing means though.

[cherry0125]

His best friend is called my lojack. He has always gone out with me when we arent together, now he is staying with him too. He knows he is scared and that he feels guilty about things. But i had gotten so mad i just kept leaving messages saying i just want my stuff i dont ever want to be with you again. He showed me alot when he decided to go to therapy. He wanted me to move out so he wouldnt loose me. But really i love him and i know he loves me or he would be normal friends with me like before. But i am lost on what to do. I dont know if i drilled it to him i dont want him or not. Plus him seeing my site on the computer made him mad im surew. Ironically one night he came out for my bday weekend when he knew his lojack wouldnt be out with me.

[cherry0125]

Questions please help with answers?

1. What is the best way to show someone you have changed?

2. How do you tell someone you want them back?

3. If someone has so much guilt they cant look you in the eye, how do you say its ok?

4. If their best friend is trying to get with you do you tell them?

5. If you want to talk and they dont answer, and they expect you to pop up do you?

6. Should 3rd parties be trying to help lost lovers get back together?

7. What is the best way to show your love?

8. When was an issue how do you show it isnt anymore?

[yourstruly]

But with the situation stopping abruptly due to a hurricane i cant find myself to let it end this way. We love each other.This i know. But everyone says for me to make move to let him know the door is still open. His friends say he is scared, but he also has no place to live or stablilty in his life.

true love is not confusing, not a game, and it is nothing to be scared of.

If he loved you, the two of you would be together, not apart, regardless of WHO makes the move.

Ask him, once and for all, what he wants. And if he says he doesn't want a girlfriend, then leave him alone and find someone who WILL be a boyfriend.

All of this has nothing to do with his past. We are all in charge of our own lives. We can choose to be affected by our past, or we can take full charge of it and go full speed ahead. Do you really WANT someone that you have to chase? Do you ENJOY the challenge of chasing him?

[angeleyes325]

Questions please help with answers?

1. What is the best way to show someone you have changed?

2. How do you tell someone you want them back?

3. If someone has so much guilt they cant look you in the eye, how do you say its ok?

4. If their best friend is trying to get with you do you tell them?

5. If you want to talk and they dont answer, and they expect you to pop up do you?

6. Should 3rd parties be trying to help lost lovers get back together?

7. What is the best way to show your love?

8. When was an issue how do you show it isnt anymore?

1).simply put..your actions will always speak louder than your words. Only way to show him you've changed is to go to him and physically show him in my opionion.
2). Just by going to them face to face and telling them directly how you feel and what YOU really want.
3). By simply telling them its ok and to "be there" for them.
4). In your case I'd tell his friend to take a hike cuz your guy has too much to deal with at the moment and you need to focus on other things right now.
5). The hand of communication works both ways. If you want to talk then respectfully they should listen to you and vice versa.
6). Depends on the relationship. Some people like to keep their personal lives to themselves and not involve a lot of people.
7). Again, that depends on your relationship. There are thousands of ways you can show love emotionally and physically.
8). 1st things first. You need to both feel comfortable in your relationship and a certain "TRUST" and emotional issues needs to be built back up and dealt with on both sides before you should be jumping into bed together. But that's just my opinion.

[angeleyes325]

true love is not confusing, not a game, and it is nothing to be scared of.

If he loved you, the two of you would be together, not apart, regardless of WHO makes the move.

Ask him, once and for all, what he wants. And if he says he doesn't want a girlfriend, then leave him alone and find someone who WILL be a boyfriend.

All of this has nothing to do with his past. We are all in charge of our own lives. We can choose to be affected by our past, or we can take full charge of it and go full speed ahead. Do you really WANT someone that you have to chase? Do you ENJOY the challenge of chasing him?

Couldn't have put it better myself Truly. Someone with as such a large emotional cloud on them doesn't seem like someone whose in ANY position to be in a relationship IMO.

Angel

[cherry0125]

Thank you for your advice. Trust me this man is different then any other. I can read men very well except him. The chase does make it interesting sometimes for me. He likes to feel wanted to. He is so used to be treated like crap, that is all he is used too. His friend says treat him like crap and i will get a better responce from him. But he vented his feelings and i just sat there?

[angeleyes325]

Thank you for your advice. Trust me this man is different then any other. I can read men very well except him. The chase does make it interesting sometimes for me. He likes to feel wanted to. He is so used to be treated like crap, that is all he is used too. His friend says treat him like crap and i will get a better responce from him. But he vented his feelings and i just sat there?


Cherry, I understand that you feel responsible in a sense for how this man is feeling. So you sat there and let him vent. Regardless of what his buddy tells you SOMETIMES people just want the other person to let them vent with no opinions expressed back. Essentially, you were neither right nor wrong IMO for not saying anything after his "venting."

Now, as for the friends' suggestion of the use of reverse psychology on your ex, you can try it. But personally, I think you'd come near being more successful in reaching out to him by being more understanding and thoughtful towards his feelings etc. Treat him like crap and he may think you've really changed and are done with the relationship. Its a gamble but you can still try it.

Hope that helps a little.
Angel

[cherry0125]

How do i tell him when he is so scared he cant talk to me or see me. is he afraid of loosing me? We have always been friends in the past if we werent together and now he isnt the same. But i said mean things on his vm for about two months and he didnt respond. We fought on text messaging but that was it. He even text me while he was driving to my house for directions? I love him and want to give him the door is open.

[cherry0125]

How do i tell him when he is so scared he cant talk to me or see me. is he afraid of loosing me? We have always been friends in the past if we werent together and now he isnt the same. But i said mean things on his vm for about two months and he didnt respond. We fought on text messaging but that was it. He even text me while he was driving to my house for directions? I love him and want to give him the door is open.

[yourstruly]

"SOMETIMES people just want the other person to let them vent with no opinions expressed back. "

oh boy are you right, angel. I've been TRYING to get this across to an ex boyfriend of mine recently, so we can sustain a friendship. But he is making it VERY hard for me to do that. I MET him on a relationship advice board, so therefore that's how our "relationship" started out. We were first just participants on that board, then we became friends, then we became an online couple, then we met and had a long distance relationship (only 10 hours away from each other) for 3 months, seeing each other when we could. But now that I'm trying to salvage a friendship out of it, I can't seem to get him to stop "giving me advice". I'm not even asking for it. And trust me, HIS love-life is even more screwed up than mine. LMAO.

sorry, didn't mean to hijack, but just basically wanted to reinforce what angel said about letting someone vent, and just being there for them. A relationship doesn't have to be a constant "therapy session".

[cherry0125]

But what is venting him telling me his feelings? hi jack is ok. But how do i go about doing this when he seems so scared of me now? WHat is he so scared of?

[cherry0125]

His best friend says to give him 30 days to make a move or im moving on. But i dont want to leave it on vm? Do i go to his job if he doesnt come out this weekend? What to do. He knows i was going to give him time before but things changed. His friend says he feels guilty im in a room for rent and my car got messed up from the hurricane. He can hardly look at me in the eye, but would hold my hand but wouldnt kiss me?

[yourstruly]

You keep asking the same thing over and over, but you are not listening to what people are telling you.

The ONLY way you are going to get ANYthing resolved is to talk to him. And if he won't talk to you, then there isn't a dang thing you can do about it except to wait and see if he comes around, and then when he DOES, you need to ask him, once and for all, what he wants. And if he says he doesn't want a girlfriend, then leave him alone and find someone who WILL be a boyfriend.

[eightball61]

You keep asking the same thing over and over, but you are not listening to what people are telling you.




Ohhhhhh don't get mad at her. Remember what you said yesturday......not everything is black-n-white so don't get angry at her for not understanding. :rolleyes:

[angeleyes325]

But what is venting him telling me his feelings? hi jack is ok. But how do i go about doing this when he seems so scared of me now? WHat is he so scared of?


Letting him vent isn't about always about his feelings for you they are more likely about his feeling about himself. You are not necessarily supposed to understand his words or the way feelings are showing. JUST simply listen and don't try to analyze him or judge him when and if you do talk to him. You being there listening is what he probably really wants.

As for the advise you are getting from his friend, its starting to not make much sense. You've said you left your ex ugly messages for two months and basically that was what the friend suggest you do. Did it work COURSE NOT. So my advise is to listen 1st and then if he asks you for a response then give him your opinion and how you feel. There is no reason in this relationship that you should feel obligated to seek him out and try to fix HIS issues.

Chances are he's embarrassed by his living situation and second he sounds like someone whose "positive" pride has been dashed (er destroyed). And its got to be hard in his living situation and trying to sort out his feelings for you. Smart thing to do with this problem is to not push him to make any decisions regarding you two. He needs to help himself out first.

Only way this situation btw the two of you will resolve one way or the other, is to speak to him one on one. And I REALLY don't think its a wise move on your part to seek him out and confront him. Forget that 30 days time limit his friend told you about. Its got to be on his terms or by God's terms. You did the right thing by listening to him vent and now its up to him.

Angel

[angeleyes325]

"SOMETIMES people just want the other person to let them vent with no opinions expressed back. "

oh boy are you right, angel. I've been TRYING to get this across to an ex boyfriend of mine recently, so we can sustain a friendship. But he is making it VERY hard for me to do that. I MET him on a relationship advice board, so therefore that's how our "relationship" started out. We were first just participants on that board, then we became friends, then we became an online couple, then we met and had a long distance relationship (only 10 hours away from each other) for 3 months, seeing each other when we could. But now that I'm trying to salvage a friendship out of it, I can't seem to get him to stop "giving me advice". I'm not even asking for it. And trust me, HIS love-life is even more screwed up than mine. LMAO.

sorry, didn't mean to hijack, but just basically wanted to reinforce what angel said about letting someone vent, and just being there for them. A relationship doesn't have to be a constant "therapy session".

I'll leave you a PM regarding this first thing in the morning. gotta pick up my nephew. TTYLaters.

:) Angel

[vixxxen]

Questions please help with answers?

1. What is the best way to show someone you have changed? YOU DONT LET THEM SEE FOR THEM SELVES THAT YOU HAVE CHANGED

2. How do you tell someone you want them back?
BE UP FRONT AND POINT OUT ALL THE REASONS THAT THE TWO OF YOU COULD MAKE IT WORK
3. If someone has so much guilt they cant look you in the eye, how do you say its ok?
GUILT ABOUT WHAT? IF ITS ABOUT HIS CHILD HOOD YOU NEED TO TELL HIM IT WAS NOT HIS FAULT (I KNOW THIS ONE 1ST HAND MY BF HAS HAD A HORRIBLE CHILD HOOD AND IT APPEARS ALL THE TIME IN OUR RELATIONSHIP) THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND YOU UNDERSTAND THAT NOBODIES LIFE IS ALIKE AND WE AT TIMES WILL BE AFFRAID AND WE NEED TO STICK IT OUT .
4. If their best friend is trying to get with you do you tell them?
YES AND NO ...YOU SOUND LIKE YOUR FRIENDS WITH HIS FRIEND AND YOUR EX COULD TRY TO SAY THAT YOUR THE ONE WHO IS MAKING IT SO THAT YOU LOOK INTERESTED IN HIS BUDDY . AND YES IF YOU ARE WILLING TO LOSE THIS OTHER GUY AS A FRIEND
5. If you want to talk and they dont answer, and they expect you to pop up do you?
NO...

6. Should 3rd parties be trying to help lost lovers get back together?
YES IF ITS NOT SABOTAGING THE PERSON YOUR TRYING TO GET BACK WITH (i.e.HIS BUDDY)
7. What is the best way to show your love?
BE A GOOD FRIEND AND COMMUNICATE
8. When was an issue how do you show it isnt anymore?
:rolleyes:

[cherry0125]

Well last night was strange i was bored driving around and i ran into him at a light. he was next to me. he asked what i was doing out so late (11pm) i said coming from the gym. and i said and you he said his dads./ It was funny he started talking about my car, When i asked if he learned to use a phone yet, he got nervous and i kept saying dont lie. It was interesting, it was the most he has talked.

[yourstruly]

Well last night was strange i was bored driving around and i ran into him at a light. he was next to me. he asked what i was doing out so late (11pm) i said coming from the gym. and i said and you he said his dads./ It was funny he started talking about my car, When i asked if he learned to use a phone yet, he got nervous and i kept saying dont lie. It was interesting, it was the most he has talked.

well thats a start. if it woulda been me, I woulda asked him if he wanted to pull over somewhere and talk.....kinda hard to talk at a red light,. lol

[cherry0125]

oh i did he said he had to get to sleep it was 11 adn he works 13 hrs today. i knew that. i told him to call me today and he said ok.. But he reacted to me. I didnt say a word, i thought it was ironic the 1st thing said is why are you out so late.

[cherry0125]

Ok so what do i say tonight if he is there? a guy friend said i made a bad move not responding when he told me his feelings?

[angeleyes325]

Ok so what do i say tonight if he is there? a guy friend said i made a bad move not responding when he told me his feelings?


Only thing you can do cherry is be yourself and start out by saying hello. As for the guy friend telling you you have made a bad move, only your EX can confirm that.

Angel

[cherry0125]

Ya i agree. But do i tell him i want him back or no. How do i throw it out there without the press. My sister said when i talked about him calling and he got all nervous that was pressuring him. He has changed lately. But not for the worst as far as i can tell. But people tell me he might remember me leaving the messages saying i dont want to be with him. I also usually am more persistant on telling him my feelings and i dont anymore.

[angeleyes325]

Ya i agree. But do i tell him i want him back or no. How do i throw it out there without the press. My sister said when i talked about him calling and he got all nervous that was pressuring him. He has changed lately. But not for the worst as far as i can tell. But people tell me he might remember me leaving the messages saying i dont want to be with him. I also usually am more persistant on telling him my feelings and i dont anymore.

Cherry,

YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM ALONE. Based on everything you've said in this thread, I'm under the empression that he's stressed out and isn't sure about a whole lot of stuff. You trying to "fix" what you had btw the two of you and pick up where you left off isn't going to happen until your EX figures out some things in his own life. And unfortunately its MO that if you do try to continue to pursue him to reinstate your romantic relationship, YOU WILL PUSH HIM TOTALLY AWAY AND PROBABLY MAKE YOURSELF MORE OF A NERVOUS WRECK THAN YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

So if I were you I'd do myself and him a huge favor and leave him a friendly message " if you ever want someone to chat with about anything, don't hesitate to give me a shout" or something like that. Then I'd start focusing on yourself. Giving him space is the best thing for him right now IMO.

I know its probably not what you want to hear, but lots of people have told you what to say to him and do when and if you see him, but that hasn't happened in the way you've expected. So its time to give yourself and him some much needed time and space without the constant worrying and wondering.

Best Wishes
Angel

[blueangel]

im going crazy! i need help. i KNOW my boyfriend was cheating on me (not physically, not yet, but was going to have dinner with a girl). he keeps saying he was not interested, but he lied to me until i found out the truth and confronted him. He still lied! we have been going out for over a year now! please talk to me...anyone

[yourstruly]

im going crazy! i need help. i KNOW my boyfriend was cheating on me (not physically, not yet, but was going to have dinner with a girl). he keeps saying he was not interested, but he lied to me until i found out the truth and confronted him. He still lied! we have been going out for over a year now! please talk to me...anyone

hi blueangel, welcome to the forum! I know you probably didn't mean to, but you posted your own advice question on someone else's thread. Please post your own thread and we'd be glad to help you!

[SALly]

im going crazy! i need help. i KNOW my boyfriend was cheating on me (not physically, not yet, but was going to have dinner with a girl). he keeps saying he was not interested, but he lied to me until i found out the truth and confronted him. He still lied! we have been going out for over a year now! please talk to me...anyone
Yep- we can definitely help....

[cherry0125]

Ok well this weekend went ok i think. Friday i saw him at the bar. I got there and he was tired and cranky i could tell. I asked him if there was a future for us? He said he didnt want to talk about it now since he was tired and cranky and didnt even want to be out. Well when he was there, he was affectionate and normal with me like a couple. When he wanted to leave we started fighting. I asked him for an answer to my question and he said to stop pushing him, if i kept pushing him he would say no. So to back off, i blew up alittle. I told him if you love me show it, i know situation isnt right now for us, but if there is no future, dont waste my time.

Well sat i went again. I had gone out of town during the day, i apologized for blowing up on him, we had a very good night at the bar. He was very playfyl and loving. Also very protective and got jelous over any attention a man gave me. His bf got jeloeous too.So i know i have to stop being friends with him or explain more. We call each other brother and sister. But my bf showed he loved me at least sat night. We talked on the phone monday a few times about my car. It seems that because it was damaged in the hurriance after i had to move that he feels guilty about it. But he takes pride in trying to help me fix the car. wHILE we were at the bar he kept looking at me and turning away like he was a kid with a crush again.

[angeleyes325]

Ok well this weekend went ok i think. Friday i saw him at the bar. I got there and he was tired and cranky i could tell. I asked him if there was a future for us? He said he didnt want to talk about it now since he was tired and cranky and didnt even want to be out. Well when he was there, he was affectionate and normal with me like a couple. When he wanted to leave we started fighting. I asked him for an answer to my question and he said to stop pushing him, if i kept pushing him he would say no. So to back off, i blew up alittle. I told him if you love me show it, i know situation isnt right now for us, but if there is no future, dont waste my time.

Well sat i went again. I had gone out of town during the day, i apologized for blowing up on him, we had a very good night at the bar. He was very playfyl and loving. Also very protective and got jelous over any attention a man gave me. His bf got jeloeous too.So i know i have to stop being friends with him or explain more. We call each other brother and sister. But my bf showed he loved me at least sat night. We talked on the phone monday a few times about my car. It seems that because it was damaged in the hurriance after i had to move that he feels guilty about it. But he takes pride in trying to help me fix the car. wHILE we were at the bar he kept looking at me and turning away like he was a kid with a crush again.


Cherry,
That's great that you had a nice nite out with him, but he's right. You do need to give him some space to think about his own future first. Only when he's comfortable with himself and his own life will he be comfortable in making any kind of committed decision about the two of you as a couple.

As for the jealous "best friend" I think you need to kinda put him in a friend only catagory and let your bf know this. It doesn't take a genious to figure out why his friend was jealous of you two. Girl, his best Buddy also has "feelings" for you. Why do you think he's been trying to make you think that you've made a mistake and that you missed your chance to be with your boyfriend....HINT HINT!!

Anyway, I'm glad you had a nice time though.

:) Angel

[yourstruly]

I know you want answers, but it's NOT a good thing to keep pushing a guy that doesn't wanna be pushed. Why does he have to put it into words, anyway? Couldn't you tell that you two are a couple by the way he was acting? Sometimes us women want too much. Guys usually aren't much on words. They are more "action figures" lol. You just might find out alot if you'll just hush long enough to "listen".

and...I think angel just might be onto something!

[yourstruly]

I know you want answers, but it's NOT a good thing to keep pushing a guy that doesn't wanna be pushed. Why does he have to put it into words, anyway? Couldn't you tell that you two are a couple by the way he was acting? Sometimes us women want too much. Guys usually aren't much on words. They are more "action figures" lol. You just might find out alot if you'll just hush long enough to "listen".

and...I think angel just might be onto something!

[cherry0125]

Thank you. I know i should be happy he showed it for once. It was nice. We were together and having a great time. Ironically he says if i push he will say no, but that isnt the answer. I know he is having a hell of a life right now. I told him i dont want a relationship right now anyway. So i guess i got my answer by actions. He called me Monday too about my car. He is dealing with my insurance co from Wilma damage over the past few months. he is so protective of me. Its nice., Even when we were out he was getting jelous. Ironically when we left he let me drive out 1st too. So nice. I knwo i need to back off which i have been doing, just keep doing it. I am focusing on me now anyway. Everyone is so miserable and i hate it. But i am a very giving person and loving, so for once i will love me the most and send my love to him from time to time. Thank you guys for your advise. I do appreciate it, as much advise as you can give. i am here for you guys as well..
christine

[yourstruly]

"I told him i dont want a relationship right now anyway."

hmmmm....I'm confused. If you don't want a relationship right now then why are you pushing him so hard to make a decision?

I think the two of you need to take a break from each other. Neither one of you knows what you want.

[cherry0125]

Thanks guys for the advise,. The best friend knows he has no chance and i consider him my brother. My bf doesnt know that he calls me just to talk on the phone, which has slowed down alot since he moved in with my bf and the family of 5. But i know not to push him. I knew if he meant no he would say it. His life is crazy i know this but at least he gave me something. Its funny he is affectionate with me infront of this friend and always has been, that doesnt change. He also knows that this guy is out when i am on weekends so he is my "lowjack" and has been for years.

[cherry0125]

After sleeping most of fri, I went and met his other best friends one he works with and two he lives with mans . . Well one told me he still gets headaches, but he goes to the dr a lot for “stress tests”? which I think is therapy and still takes meds.. So he told me no to both when I asked. I went to visit my so called at work on sat stayed about half hour. one of the guys from fri walked up and said I saw you twice in 24 hours. I was like shush… But at least he said he didn’t want to settledown right yet. We were talking about his parents and his sister. I talked about my car and that was it … He also said he sees me racing home from roys when I go on weekends. Too funny.So one friend tells me he wants to sleep and watch movies when he is home. I asked him what happened to him coming over and he said he went back to work early which he did by 3 days. But he was very talkative, and playful… all his co workers kept coming out and anytime I would talk to his friend he would stare at me. His friend said when they talked sat that was the 1st thing he said that I dropped by to see him??? But i called alot last week at least once a day. But he did text me a couple times when i text him... But sat was nice. He didnt tell me to leave which shocked one friend but not really.

[cherry0125]

Ok so i think i need to avoid his friends that way he doesnt have that coming back to him. What to do...

[yourstruly]

truthfully, I think you should just stop talking to his friends about him PERIOD. You are listening to too many people. What's between you and your bf is between you and your bf, no one else.

[cherry0125]

I think i agree. I know everything that is said to his friends or what i do he knows. He tells me he sees me driving home from the bar. But i think i need to stay away from these people. He loves me and this i know. He isnt ready for it and neither am i right now. But i think if i want this i need to back off him and stay away from the friends. I know he feels guilty about my car and where i live. He always talks about it. But he tells me he is happy where he is and he is not. This i know. So what to do..

[yourstruly]

I think i agree. I know everything that is said to his friends or what i do he knows. He tells me he sees me driving home from the bar. But i think i need to stay away from these people. He loves me and this i know. He isnt ready for it and neither am i right now. But i think if i want this i need to back off him and stay away from the friends. I know he feels guilty about my car and where i live. He always talks about it. But he tells me he is happy where he is and he is not. This i know. So what to do..

what to do....is to just chill. Try to stop worrying so much. For someone who says she isn't ready for a relationship, you sure are worrying about it alot. lol. Just chill....talk to him as opportunities arise.....and STOP TALKING TO HIS FRIENDS.

[cherry0125]

Ok will do. I have to say even though situation isnt right if he asked i would. But i am not going to persue it now. He shows me he still wants to be with me so for now i should just give him space. But his friend did say he goes to the dr alot so maybe he is in therapy again..

[angeleyes325]

Ok will do. I have to say even though situation isnt right if he asked i would. But i am not going to persue it now. He shows me he still wants to be with me so for now i should just give him space. But his friend did say he goes to the dr alot so maybe he is in therapy again..

He could be in therapy, but IMO, let your guy be the one to confirm that to you in his own time in his own way. I wouldn't listen to talk to his friends. They are only going to cause communication issues btw the two of you.

[cherry0125]

I agree with you. I also think him knowing every move i make isnt good right now. He tells me he sees me driving home from teh bar and all that. He knows i hang out with the guys or his bf on weekends since he and i are close. But i think he is too into me for my liking. He did show me something when i popped up. I hope he is in therapy. I need to back off him too right?

[angeleyes325]

I agree with you. I also think him knowing every move i make isnt good right now. He tells me he sees me driving home from teh bar and all that. He knows i hang out with the guys or his bf on weekends since he and i are close. But i think he is too into me for my liking. He did show me something when i popped up. I hope he is in therapy. I need to back off him too right?


Yes, I'd back off from his best friend if I were you. There's a reason he's your man's best friend and again there's too much room there for miscommunication to happen. I think if you want to go out on a weekend, then you should go with a girl friend or two and ya'll hang out. There's nothing wrong in a girls nite and it will SHOW your guy that you can go and do things outside of his circle of friends etc. and trust me, men like strong, independent women.

[cherry0125]

I agree with you. I also am close to his friend but i think he is crushing too hard on me. But i also dont like the idea my man knows where i am at all times on weekends. All his friends and I are close but i guess for now until he does what he needs to i should back off. He tells them everytime i see or talk to him and they do the same. They do want us together but i dont know if me hanging with them is helping keep us apart?

[angeleyes325]

I agree with you. I also am close to his friend but i think he is crushing too hard on me. But i also dont like the idea my man knows where i am at all times on weekends. All his friends and I are close but i guess for now until he does what he needs to i should back off. He tells them everytime i see or talk to him and they do the same. They do want us together but i dont know if me hanging with them is helping keep us apart?

Yep, if his buddy is crushing on you, you need to back away from him. As for you not wanting them and your guy to know where you are at all times on wknds is a good thing. In fact, you just need to do as I suggested earlier, and invite some of your gal pals to go out instead. Those guys and your man don't need to know your every move. Hell let'em wonder if they must. It'll make you feel better and it will also help your relationship.

Angel