Don't know what to do anymore. Need help.

[Batmansmells]

I am twenty three years old and have been living with my current girlfriend for about six months now. Recently i found out that she has been communicating with other men online, sending graphic emails and so forth. I know this is not cheating in the strictest sense of the word and i dont really feel like it is but at the same time she revealed that she no longer fancies me anymore, she no longer feels attracted to me and she considers us to be no more than 'good friends'. We are still together and she says she is trying to change things and she still feels attraction from time to time but i do not honestly know wether or not i believe her. I am feeling paranoid and insecure and this worries me deeply because i have never felt this way before. I have come to realise that i no longer fully trust her, that trust was broken (in my eyes) by these emails coupled with the fact that she is no longer attracted to me.

Our situation is not entirely straightforward, she is currently in full time education, something she loves and never got a chance to do when she was younger and as a result i am the one paying the bills and the rent and such. One of the most distressing and hurtful parts of the emails with this other bloke was that she told him that she no longer fancied me and was just staying with me because she needed somewhere to live while she finished her education. He agreed with her and told her to be selfish and continue the relationship so she wouldnt have to leave college, a piece of advice she enthusiastically accepted. We had a confrontation about this and she is adament that her need for a place to live is not the reason while we are still together. However i do not know wether this is true, i would like to believe it but im not sure if i can.

She spends a lot of time online, and a large portion of that chatting with other men, something that she has cut down on a lot this last week. I just dont know if i can take much more of it. It makes me feel unwelcome and isolated in my home, especially when i am accused of spying on her when i walk into the fron room. I have been having bad dreams and trouble sleeping recently and think that this is because of the things that have hapened between us. I have moments during the day when things that have hurt me just hit me and stick in my head, this makes it very hard to concentrate on my job and on about half a dozen occasions it has made me physically sick. I don't know whats going on in my head half the time, all i know is that i spend large portions of my day in pain and misery. I really really want to make this work, we had a great relationship once and i want t get it back but i really dont know if she does. She tells me she does, she wants to work our problems out and so forth but im not entirely convinced. I have got to the point where i really dont know what to do anymore. Wether its worth trying to salvage our relationship when shes explicitly told me on more than one occasion that the spark is gone and i am 'more like a brother' to her.

I would really really appreciate any advice anyone can give on this topic

Thanks very much
Anthony

[eightball61]

she told him that she no longer fancied me and was just staying with me because she needed somewhere to live while she finished her education. He agreed with her and told her to be selfish and continue the relationship so she wouldnt have to leave college, a piece of advice she enthusiastically accepted.

I know you care deeply about this girl but whats going on is not acceptable. You have had talks with her but she ignores it all and continues this. She is in denial right now.

I really don't think its healthy for you to be living under these conditions. To me she is milking you and toying with you emotions till she gets out of school. If she really did care about you then she would try to save the relationship but she is lacking that. You have tried what you can do but she continues to shut you off.

She talks to this guy and agrees with him. She is not telling you the trueth but what you are reading to him is the trueth. It is all your decision but before you hurt get worse then I think the best thing is you tell her its either she changes or your out. you can't live like this and I am suprise you have for this long. We are here for you man.