Tough question

[aclslap]

I am currently in a marriage that is 5 years. My marriage is going great. I love my wife and 2 kids dearly and am very happy with what I have in life. I am however in a bit of a dilemma with myself. While off work, I am studying for a professional exam, I have only seen this person sitting in the library. We have shared a table twice, but never spoken a word. There has never been any suggestive gestures or behavious of any kind. She is captivating and I have to say that since I first saw her 2 weeks ago, I have not been able to stop thinking of her. I want to get to know this person.

I am scared though, scared that I may be rejected by her and then humilated to show my face in front of her and her friends and also scared that the friendship may be illigitimate in the eyes of my wife.

Need help as I can't stop thinking of her and getting to know her.

[eightball61]

I am currently in a marriage that is 5 years. My marriage is going great. I love my wife and 2 kids dearly and am very happy with what I have in life. I am however in a bit of a dilemma with myself. While off work, I am studying for a professional exam, I have only seen this person sitting in the library. We have shared a table twice, but never spoken a word. There has never been any suggestive gestures or behavious of any kind. She is captivating and I have to say that since I first saw her 2 weeks ago, I have not been able to stop thinking of her. I want to get to know this person.

I am scared though, scared that I may be rejected by her and then humilated to show my face in front of her and her friends and also scared that the friendship may be illigitimate in the eyes of my wife.

Need help as I can't stop thinking of her and getting to know her.


If your marriage is great then why would you want to get to know this other person? What are the advantages of getting to know her?

Do you want to jeopardize your great marriage? If not, then stay away.

[aclslap]

I guess you are right. The only gained is going through life not wondering what she has become and where she is and just being pre-occupied with her.

I consider myself generally caring individual who is draw to people and want to get to know as many people in this world as possible , afterall life is short and there are too many people to talk to. If I feel there is some form of a connection between me and this person, should I not persue. It might end up being nothing. I may find that she is given off an entirely different energy than the is actually hosting. but I think it is my duty to myself notto miss on the opportunity to talk ot someone, if I have strong senses about that person's inate energy.

Too weird for you?

[eightball61]

I guess you are right. The only gained is going through life not wondering what she has become and where she is and just being pre-occupied with her.

I consider myself generally caring individual who is draw to people and want to get to know as many people in this world as possible , afterall life is short and there are too many people to talk to. If I feel there is some form of a connection between me and this person, should I not persue. It might end up being nothing. I may find that she is given off an entirely different energy than the is actually hosting. but I think it is my duty to myself notto miss on the opportunity to talk ot someone, if I have strong senses about that person's inate energy.

Too weird for you?

It's ok to make friends and meet new people but if you know down deep that you are actually looking for more then you shoudn't go for it.

[aclslap]

True, right now, as deep down as I know, I only want to meet her, and share some conversation with her. So I think I might try, if I can gather my confidence to introduce myself to her.

[eightball61]

True, right now, as deep down as I know, I only want to meet her, and share some conversation with her. So I think I might try, if I can gather my confidence to introduce myself to her.


Try talking with her but if you feel that your feelings go beyond a friendship liking then you must stop contact with her. It's not worth the risk......

[angeleyes325]

I think its great that you want to talk to someone outside your household and close circle of friends. Its something that is human nature to want to speak to someone who captivates us so much they don't leave our thoughts. And nothing is wrong in being acquaintences or friends with this woman.

But I will stress to you one thing. HONOR YOUR COMMITTMENT TO YOUR WIFE FIRST AND FOREMOST AND ALSO DO NOT ALLOW THE TRUST YOUR WIFE HAS IN YOU TO BE VIOLATED.

I wish you luck in making good conversation.
Angel

[yourstruly]

there's nothing wrong with having a friend! Just make sure that you don't cross the line. Plus, it's not healthy to become too engrossed in someone of the opposite when you are a married man. Just be careful.

[aclslap]

Just to keep you up to date, I did not come up with the courage to go and talk to the mystery girl.

I was gathering up my spirit to say something like this:

'Hi, We have now seen eachother for about 2.5 weeks here in the library and I am finding it odd not to say hi anymore. So I thought I would introduce myself. I was heading out for a coffee, and was wondering if I might be able to interest you in one?'

Let me know what you think. Thanks for allthe feedback and it has really helped me to get all this off my mind and chest. It was consuming me. This forum is great!

[SALly]

Talking to someone and asking someone for coffee are two different things. Sorry- I agree in meeting new people, but I don't think your wife would like knowing you asked another woman out for coffee.

[yourstruly]

I think you're just asking for trouble by asking her out for coffee, but hey, friends go out for coffee too. You're the only one that knows your heart though. If you are physically attracted to this woman, I would not go any further than just a "hi, how are you, I've seen you in here quite a bit and just wanted to say hi". And leave it at that.

[SALly]

The more I think about this....I feel like if it was just friendship you were looking for, it wouldn't even be a question. You wouldn't be on here asking if you should do it if you didn't feel it was wrong. Do you know what I mean. The fact that you are wondering if it is right or not, makes me think you have other things in mind other than just friendship.....

[angeleyes325]

I think you're just asking for trouble by asking her out for coffee, but hey, friends go out for coffee too. You're the only one that knows your heart though. If you are physically attracted to this woman, I would not go any further than just a "hi, how are you, I've seen you in here quite a bit and just wanted to say hi". And leave it at that.


I'm in agreement once again. IF you do ever get the courage to speak to her, don't even mention the coffee cuz its just asking for trouble. Either keep it simple like Truly suggested or just look at her from afar.

The going and getting coffee is basically asking her on a short date. And that would not be good since your a married man.

Angel

[Howard]

Just to keep you up to date, I did not come up with the courage to go and talk to the mystery girl.

I was gathering up my spirit to say something like this:

'Hi, We have now seen eachother for about 2.5 weeks here in the library and I am finding it odd not to say hi anymore. So I thought I would introduce myself. I was heading out for a coffee, and was wondering if I might be able to interest you in one?'

Let me know what you think. Thanks for allthe feedback and it has really helped me to get all this off my mind and chest. It was consuming me. This forum is great!


I guess it's ok to invite her out for coffee just as long as you don't get romantically involved with her.