Confused3000
12-22-2004, 08:40 AM
I have been seeing a married woman for almost a year now. She is in a bad marriage where her husband is verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. She has a 5 year old and a 1 year old. The 5 year old is both of theirs however the baby is the result of an affair on my gf’s account.
The marriage has always been shaky from my understanding. He has hit her in the past and as a result she has had a number of affairs. She feels guilty about the affairs and feels that she is at fault even though he has been abusive to her which I think drive her to these affairs. The marriage was bad and he would not give her another child. She left him for a while where she had gotten pregnant by a other man which is not in the picture.
Her husband accepted her back and signed the birth certificate accepting the baby as his own. However while he had at first helped her out and improved on their marital and relationship problems, as usual things have reverted back to the way they were.
He is abusive to both her and the children in my eyes. He controls all the money. Allows her an allotted amount to go grocery shopping with either him, his mom, or his sister. This is the only time she get’s out of the house and has to take the kids with her almost every time or at least one of the kids. He denies her medical treatment even though he has insurance and the kids treatment. While she has went once, she had to fight for it and was finally able to go in when symptoms got pretty bad and she made an appointment without his approval. They had not found the problem but her trying to fight him to get more tests done is a hassle, she would rather just not go through that hassle.
He is the type of person that will skimp on what he can to save money for himself such as going to the local ice cream stand and buying for him and her but not their child. His general response is that she don’t need it and or it’s too expensive. So mean while they will leave with them both having something while she is in the back seat with nothing. This is apparently a common thing, however she is planning on making a stance next time this happens.
About a year ago, I have met her online in which we really connected. She informed me that she was married and such. Told me everything that happens and was really interested in me. I was really interested in her as well. At first I tried to stay just friends and help her with her marriage. However the marriage was already falling apart to far. I had told her that. I don’t want to get involved in a relationship unless she was absolutely sure about it and what was happening with her relationship. I had stressed this very heavily to her.
We ended up developing a relationship very quickly. We both felt something special and have been together since. I have been seeing her about once a month after about 3-4 months into the relationship. We had also managed to sneak a week and a half trip together to a friend of hers in a other state. We felt it was important to get to know each other better and our compatibility before we continued or made any serious decisions about our relationship. This trip went very well, so well that in fact I decided it was time for her to meat my parents for a few days before taking her home. That went over very well as well.
Meanwhile, we continued our relationship which has been stressed and tested to the max. As you can imagine, there is a lot of stress involved which has caused a number of fights which we have always bounced back from. Generally it seems that the fault is on her side due to her stress levels from at home. But I am not perfect and have been at fault on occasion as well, just not very frequently. And no, I’m not trying to be conceded as it may sound.
During our year together, she has not been intiment with her husband however has been with me. However she is currently away with him at a expensive hotel room and it is driving me nuts.
When we first got together, I told her to keep doing whatever she was doing. However, their was no ualness going on between them. However recently he has been trying very hard with attempting to have his way with her one night when she woke up with him down below.
However this hotel situation is bothering me. Because she was very upset with what happened that one night and felt like she cheated on me. Even though she prevented anything from happening once she woken up and realized what was going on and it wasn’t me. But this hotel situations seems different. He is not spending much money on the kids for xmas but decided to get this sweet. He had tried getting with her the night before but she told him no and told him that if that’s why he’s getting this $128 room, then he midis well not get it. He apparently got mad and left for the evening shortly after.
She seems to be kinda excited about this hotel room but tells me she doesn’t want to do anything but may to keep him off her back. It scares me because the way she is reacting about it doesn’t seem to corrugate with the event about waking up when he was going down on her. Her reaction seems different. He has already threaten divorce and everything else he can think of. He has basically told her he can because he’s her husband. While one of the reasons for this room his supposedly to do x-mas shopping, I know the whole intent is to get her in bed with him.
She claims not to want to do this and was in a bad mood about t this morning, and saids she will try not to. I am very concerned on exactly how hard is she gonna try. I know what I said before, but that was before I know she had cut him off and she had been faithful to me until now. I don’t know what to think of this whole situation. Should I be mad or upset? Should I be mad or upset at her or him? Or how I should be feeling. I feel partially berated and hurt. I feel that the one I love is being violated. I feel powerless on not being able to stop it or prevent it. I’m very confused on my emotions right now about this whole situation. Am I wrong for feeling this rage towards him about this? And I wrong for feeling hurt by my gf probably having with him? I don’t know, I’m very confused, scared, hurt, upset, and restless. I love her but I feel like this is putting our love on the line. Should I not be feeling this way? Should I just tell her I don’t want to know what happened and just want to look to the future and hope this doesn’t happen again? What should I do? What would you do? I was very happy aside from some of the fighting with her and wanting to work on getting together and marriage and such. I’m so confused, please help.
The marriage has always been shaky from my understanding. He has hit her in the past and as a result she has had a number of affairs. She feels guilty about the affairs and feels that she is at fault even though he has been abusive to her which I think drive her to these affairs. The marriage was bad and he would not give her another child. She left him for a while where she had gotten pregnant by a other man which is not in the picture.
Her husband accepted her back and signed the birth certificate accepting the baby as his own. However while he had at first helped her out and improved on their marital and relationship problems, as usual things have reverted back to the way they were.
He is abusive to both her and the children in my eyes. He controls all the money. Allows her an allotted amount to go grocery shopping with either him, his mom, or his sister. This is the only time she get’s out of the house and has to take the kids with her almost every time or at least one of the kids. He denies her medical treatment even though he has insurance and the kids treatment. While she has went once, she had to fight for it and was finally able to go in when symptoms got pretty bad and she made an appointment without his approval. They had not found the problem but her trying to fight him to get more tests done is a hassle, she would rather just not go through that hassle.
He is the type of person that will skimp on what he can to save money for himself such as going to the local ice cream stand and buying for him and her but not their child. His general response is that she don’t need it and or it’s too expensive. So mean while they will leave with them both having something while she is in the back seat with nothing. This is apparently a common thing, however she is planning on making a stance next time this happens.
About a year ago, I have met her online in which we really connected. She informed me that she was married and such. Told me everything that happens and was really interested in me. I was really interested in her as well. At first I tried to stay just friends and help her with her marriage. However the marriage was already falling apart to far. I had told her that. I don’t want to get involved in a relationship unless she was absolutely sure about it and what was happening with her relationship. I had stressed this very heavily to her.
We ended up developing a relationship very quickly. We both felt something special and have been together since. I have been seeing her about once a month after about 3-4 months into the relationship. We had also managed to sneak a week and a half trip together to a friend of hers in a other state. We felt it was important to get to know each other better and our compatibility before we continued or made any serious decisions about our relationship. This trip went very well, so well that in fact I decided it was time for her to meat my parents for a few days before taking her home. That went over very well as well.
Meanwhile, we continued our relationship which has been stressed and tested to the max. As you can imagine, there is a lot of stress involved which has caused a number of fights which we have always bounced back from. Generally it seems that the fault is on her side due to her stress levels from at home. But I am not perfect and have been at fault on occasion as well, just not very frequently. And no, I’m not trying to be conceded as it may sound.
During our year together, she has not been intiment with her husband however has been with me. However she is currently away with him at a expensive hotel room and it is driving me nuts.
When we first got together, I told her to keep doing whatever she was doing. However, their was no ualness going on between them. However recently he has been trying very hard with attempting to have his way with her one night when she woke up with him down below.
However this hotel situation is bothering me. Because she was very upset with what happened that one night and felt like she cheated on me. Even though she prevented anything from happening once she woken up and realized what was going on and it wasn’t me. But this hotel situations seems different. He is not spending much money on the kids for xmas but decided to get this sweet. He had tried getting with her the night before but she told him no and told him that if that’s why he’s getting this $128 room, then he midis well not get it. He apparently got mad and left for the evening shortly after.
She seems to be kinda excited about this hotel room but tells me she doesn’t want to do anything but may to keep him off her back. It scares me because the way she is reacting about it doesn’t seem to corrugate with the event about waking up when he was going down on her. Her reaction seems different. He has already threaten divorce and everything else he can think of. He has basically told her he can because he’s her husband. While one of the reasons for this room his supposedly to do x-mas shopping, I know the whole intent is to get her in bed with him.
She claims not to want to do this and was in a bad mood about t this morning, and saids she will try not to. I am very concerned on exactly how hard is she gonna try. I know what I said before, but that was before I know she had cut him off and she had been faithful to me until now. I don’t know what to think of this whole situation. Should I be mad or upset? Should I be mad or upset at her or him? Or how I should be feeling. I feel partially berated and hurt. I feel that the one I love is being violated. I feel powerless on not being able to stop it or prevent it. I’m very confused on my emotions right now about this whole situation. Am I wrong for feeling this rage towards him about this? And I wrong for feeling hurt by my gf probably having with him? I don’t know, I’m very confused, scared, hurt, upset, and restless. I love her but I feel like this is putting our love on the line. Should I not be feeling this way? Should I just tell her I don’t want to know what happened and just want to look to the future and hope this doesn’t happen again? What should I do? What would you do? I was very happy aside from some of the fighting with her and wanting to work on getting together and marriage and such. I’m so confused, please help.