princecharming
12-22-2004, 11:23 AM
I am new to this site and am hoping to get some help and/or advice.
I have been in a relationship for 4.5 years and have lived with my girlfriend for 4 years. We started out being more in love than I thought humanly possible. We clicked like no one I have ever encountered. We could complete each others thoughts and sentences almost from the start. Now, things are less than perfect. We argue a lot, we don't have much fun together anymore, and we seem less compatible. She has several kids, works very hard, and has an ex husband that makes the biggest jerks in the world look like saints! I am reasonably easy going, don't get upset easily, and always try to do what is best and what is right. I am a very deep thinker, believe that you must first define and problem before you can begin to solve it, and should always try to solve problems as apposed to ignoring them.
My problem is this. I can't define the problem. My girlfriend is a very wonderful woman and very pretty. She has been through a lot and can tend to keep to herself. I initiate conversation constantly. Getting feedback is like pulling teeth at times. Her divorce is not final and been going on for 5 years. She is in court nearly every month. This pattern makes talking to her like a deposition at times. If I don't ask specific questions, I don't get specific answers. There have been times that I found out specifics to something that I had asked her about that were different from the answers that she gave me. When I ask her about it, she tells me that I didn't specifically ask her that. When I do make my questions more specific, she tells me that she feels like she is being interrogated. I consider myself a good communicator and think I am pretty clear when it comes to communicating. When these situations occur, I begin to feel like she is hiding something. This fosters insecurity and distrust. This leads to jealousy and uncontrolled thoughts of infidelity. This creates depression and desperation which leads to heated discussions in a search for answers. Her kids see that their mother is upset and credit me with that. They in turn begin to treat me with disrespect (more than usual) for causing their mother this unhappiness. My girl friend sees this agitation and displays her displeasure in the situation which makes matters worse.
CAN ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME? I want to make her happy but she will not share with me what it will take to make her happy. I tell her my feelings and my needs and get little in return. I am a very passionate person and enjoy showing it and sharing it. I can't tell, based on her nonverbal communication, where I stand with her one day to the next.
I have been in a relationship for 4.5 years and have lived with my girlfriend for 4 years. We started out being more in love than I thought humanly possible. We clicked like no one I have ever encountered. We could complete each others thoughts and sentences almost from the start. Now, things are less than perfect. We argue a lot, we don't have much fun together anymore, and we seem less compatible. She has several kids, works very hard, and has an ex husband that makes the biggest jerks in the world look like saints! I am reasonably easy going, don't get upset easily, and always try to do what is best and what is right. I am a very deep thinker, believe that you must first define and problem before you can begin to solve it, and should always try to solve problems as apposed to ignoring them.
My problem is this. I can't define the problem. My girlfriend is a very wonderful woman and very pretty. She has been through a lot and can tend to keep to herself. I initiate conversation constantly. Getting feedback is like pulling teeth at times. Her divorce is not final and been going on for 5 years. She is in court nearly every month. This pattern makes talking to her like a deposition at times. If I don't ask specific questions, I don't get specific answers. There have been times that I found out specifics to something that I had asked her about that were different from the answers that she gave me. When I ask her about it, she tells me that I didn't specifically ask her that. When I do make my questions more specific, she tells me that she feels like she is being interrogated. I consider myself a good communicator and think I am pretty clear when it comes to communicating. When these situations occur, I begin to feel like she is hiding something. This fosters insecurity and distrust. This leads to jealousy and uncontrolled thoughts of infidelity. This creates depression and desperation which leads to heated discussions in a search for answers. Her kids see that their mother is upset and credit me with that. They in turn begin to treat me with disrespect (more than usual) for causing their mother this unhappiness. My girl friend sees this agitation and displays her displeasure in the situation which makes matters worse.
CAN ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME? I want to make her happy but she will not share with me what it will take to make her happy. I tell her my feelings and my needs and get little in return. I am a very passionate person and enjoy showing it and sharing it. I can't tell, based on her nonverbal communication, where I stand with her one day to the next.