In need of some help(long story)

[Kagai]

Hello.
I've been in a long distance relationship with a girl for almost 4 months now, we met over the internet and she lives about 3 hours away from me.

At first i didnt mind having a long distance relationship, but now its starting to be a pain sometimes.
When this relationsip started i thought it would be more like that i would go and see her one weekend and she would come to me the next weekend, but instead its always me who go to her place and a 3 hour train trip every weekend is annoying sometimes during those 4 months ive went to her about 8-9 times and she's been at my place once.
She said she cant come since she has to take care of her horses at home and that she doesnt like to go by train by her self.

It feels a lil unfair here, why should i be the one who go to her place all the time?
I myself dont really enjoy sitting in a train for 3 hours but i do it because i want to be with her, i really love her and i know she loves me too (been recieving text msges at 3-4am in the morning from her saying that she cant stop thinking about me)

But for how long can it keep on like this?
I'm starting to feel that a distance relationship isnt the best for me, sometimes i dont feel for seeing her during the weekend because i have other things to do and i cant go and see her in the middle of the week due school or job.

One other thing i didnt mention above was that shes going to move even further away from me soon with her family, further north and she really wants me to live with her there, the problem is that I cant because of my disease/allergy against cold.

I dont know, should i keep this relationship alive?
should i hope for her to change her mind and maybe come to me more often or even move down here?
or should i just end this?

[HappaGirl]

Here is an opinion from a girls point of view.
I personally, am a girl who likes to be persued.
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and because Im not all too keen on driving (Ive only been driving for a few months now), he comes and sees me.
He ends up driving home every other week, and it is about a three hour drive.
You cannot know HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME.
I think that if you really love this girl, you wouldn't mind making the trip to see her.
Maybe you can make a plan to see her every two weeks, or maybe you two could meet somewhere in the middle- that way it is less of a ride for you and perhaps a less frightening ride for her.
I know that, as a girl, I wouldn't want to ride a train alone for three hours alone- it would be frightening, but one and a half hours might not be so bad.
As a student I know that there is a ton of reading and papers I need to do- why not take your books or a laptop along with you so that you can work on homework on your way to see her.
These are just some suggestions.
I hope things work out for you!
Keep us posted!

[yourstruly]

kagai,

First of all, I think the two of you need to make a decision on the future of the relationship. You've been together for 4 months but if you already know that you can't move to where she is moving, and that it is going to create an even harder distance situation, then maybe the relationship ISN'T worth pursuing, but if I were you, I wouldn't make a decision on your own---the TWO OF YOU need to make a decision together. See, this is what gives LDR's a bad name because nobody ever thinks this stuff thru. Then emotions get involved, reality hits and people get hurt.

The best way to resolve this situation is to sit down together and talk about whats going on. Surely she can't expect you to do all the giving all the time. And maybe seeing each other EVERY weekend is not the practical option, maybe drop it down to every other week.'

But even still---the future needs to be talked about NOW, before either of you get in any deeper.

[Kagai]

Both of you are right in one way but ill answer to Happagirls post first.

I understand she might be frightened going by train for 3 hours all by her self but one thing is that she doesnt even want to leave her town, only for the town shes moving to soon, she always wanted to live there and on top of that she hates my town... feels like a wierd excuse not to come here ... and I usualy dont mind going seeing her 3 hours pass quickly and just the thought that i can be with her after those 3 hours makes it even go faster.
But I'm feeling treated unfair somehow, why would she put her self in a LDR if she knew i live 3 hours from her?
Why would she want to have a LDR if she doesnt even want to leave her town? Thats what i ask my self most of the time.

and about yourstruly's post.

I've been thinking that yes, this relationship might not be worth pursuing since i cant live where shes moving.
Its not 100% sure when she will move, it might be during the summer or after the summer, dont know if i should keep this relationship alive until the last minute or if i should end it soon.

Im starting to feel that im not the right person to be in a LDR now because sometimes i feel that i want to meet her today but not the weekend as i said before.
when i say this you might think that why the hell did I even put my self in a LDR, but back then i was desperate, i had never had a gf before and it felt like a chance i had to take.


I was talking to her yesterday and she said shes going to have some kind of work weekend, dont know the name in english but the studenst go out and work somewhere for a week, its their choice where, and she got a work place here in stockholm at her aunts work but shes probably not going to take that place because she doesnt like the town and its her horses birthday.
Dont know if she might be frightened as Happagirl said, but she would have gotten a ride down here by her mom and live either with me or her aunt.
When she said she couldnt work her because its her horses birthday i didnt really know what to say, is a horse more important to her than me?

I dont really know what to do, i guess i should talk to her but all the other times i've just gotten the same answer," i dont like to leave my town and i dont like your town "

[yourstruly]

you can choose to put off the inevitable, but in my opinion, it's not going to work.

[Kagai]

I gotta admit that i doubt this will work out, im at her place now and ive been trying to talk to her and i still get the same answer, "i dont like your town etc" I'm probably gonna end this relationship soon.

Thanks everyone for your help

-Kagai

[ManEnoughPros]

Hello,

I am owner of Man Enough Pros a site devoted to helping men and women with dating problems.

It is not uncommon to be excited when first starting something knew in this case a long term long distance relationship but as time goes on distance because more than just a problem.

It takes a lot of patience, trust and work when it comes to these sort of relationships, for you my friend I have done the long distance relationship scene once before and the all turn out the same.

It comes down to will power how imporant is it? Personally I believe we live in a world with endless options and possibilities you can find another girl as easy as you can the first.

I read from a girls previous response on here that she is a girl and likes to be persued, what woman doesnt? but when it comes to women and attraction what they say and what they want are two different things.

[HappaGirl]

While I do value the ideas put forth by our friend, the Man Enough Dating Consultant, I must politely disagree with this individual, who I will presume is a he. (If you are a she, please forgive me) I think that by saying that what a woman says is different than what she wants is somewhat of an unfair stereotype. It is like saying “real men don’t cry”, an obviously emotionally unhealthy idea to base one’s gender identity upon. If this is the case, that is, what she says is utterly different than what she wants, at what point in time will we be able to begin trusting one another again. I also disagree with the idea that “you can find another girl as easy as you can the first”. Are women now disposable?- A mere possession that can be easily disposed of and replaced?, I sincerely and desperately hope that this is not the direction that both men and women are taking in their relationships. Yes, my friend, be prudent when selecting your LIFE LONG partner- but please, you will never know if your relationship has the lifelong qualities to span a tumultuous life- riddled with both peaks and valleys, unless you trust that what your partner says she means, and are not too quick to dump her like last weeks air freshener and grab a new partner.

[yourstruly]

woohooo Happagirl! you go girl!