What`s a guy to do?

[humbucker]

I`m a divorcee living with my partner & mother of my 2 girls, recently I have been suspicious that something was transpiring between her & a work collegue.
On 28th Nov my suspicions where fanned when she told me that she loved me but was`nt IN love with me . My ex said the same thing.
Also she comes home late Eg xmas eve she had been to non smoking pub & on xmas day she was being shady with her mobile, when I looked I found a text telling this guy that "she enjoyed yesterday, it was naughty but nice" she wont say what Plus other things this guy is wooing her. I`m a stay at home dad I ve given up every thing for her career. what do I HAVE TO DO? :confused: :mad:

[eightball61]

You are feeling like this because you have been torn once by your ex. There are some signs that I would question also. If she wants a relationship to work then she has to work with you and not against you. There are many ways to approach this but you need to keep the communication going.

[humbucker]

Well - "eightball61", I should take up this as a fulltime accupation if I were you. And so, at the final hour I can report that as the crunch arrived, when our future together was to be decided, I can report that the woman has seen reason and after much heart felt debate and soul searching we are to remain together!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE and KEEP TALKING, THAT`S THE KEY! ;)

[CalistaClap]

I'm glad that you've decided to work things out. BUt beware, IT"S DIFFICULT!

Can you remain happy and comfortable in a relationship where she has told you that she is not IN LOVe with you? And that she has had relations with another man?

I know you probably want to stay together for the children, but you also have to think about your happiness. The happiness of the parents relationship often relects on the childrens happiness as well.

Don't stay there and get walked all over if it isn't what will make you happy in the long run.

I hope things work out for you for the best.

[eightball61]

If you both can find it in your hearts to stay together then thats great. The thing you don't want to do is stay for the children. Even with a divorce they will have a mom and dad. If you both can work though this little rut then do so and try to get ways to get that spark going again.

[humbucker]

Well dear readers, it`s seven days since I posted my first forum message.
Last Wednesday I spent some time away from my partner & the girls in order to think & to give her the chance to concider her position.
Spending New Years Eve away from them all was V/hard, I cried. When every one else was celebrating & setting fireworks off into the night sky, I was miserable.
I should have been at home & she should have been trying to put her life into perspesctive.
On New Years day, I phoned her to discuss this & felt it was necessary to break the news of our impending split to our 6yr old, because she was asking some pertanant questions.
On Saturday morning I arrived through the door to floods of tears & she`d even put the kettle on.
We sat down & after some sobbing & hugs & it was then that she decided that "she was making a big mistake".
Hense the previous message above.
I caved in, we collected my stuff from where I was staying & I came back home.

On Sunday, every thing was Hunky Dory, she sat on my lap, lots of cuddles, good eye contact, but I could never get her to discuss "US".Our oldest daughter starts back at School Wednesday so she aggreed to get Wednesday off for some Quality time to discuss future plans, feelings, & generally relationship repair stuff. She was like her old self, prepairing breakfats Lunch etc.. getting the girls dressed,putting them to bed.
I really did do too much arround the house!
We planned to go for a walk, however, the weather was bad so we stayed indoors.
On Monday she stayed in bed until lunch time, leaving Me running arround after the Kids, complaining, when she DID get up, that she was tired.
Business as usual!
I made breakfast , Lunch, Dinner. No offer of assistance. No conversation.
I got the girls ready for bed gave them supper She went to bed at 10.30, while I stayed up.
Tuesday she went back to work, came home, told me she was going for a run, She hates running!
I made her Dinner, Got a bath ready for her.
We had Dinner, she told me Wednesday is scrapped because her Boss is`nt in this week. She went to bed 7.30pm.
I feel like she is avoiding me, just like before.
I got the kids their supper & put them to bed by 8.30 School tomorrow, went down stairs & concidered draining a small bottle of "Jack". But I didn`t.
Business DEFINATELY as usual.

So here we are it`s Wednesday, One week on, I`ve dropped the oldest at School & I find myself on my own. I feel so cross with myself, what a mug.
She did`nt have the balls to break the news to our daughter on Saturday & thinks that I will forgive her for Breaking my heart by treating me to one days worth of her actual responsibilities. My family are left in emotional tatters (including my inlaws).
Definately the easy option!!!!!! Don`t you think?

Well I am left to concider that I can`t make a silk purse out of a sow`s ear!
Today I`ve been to the Local Council Offices to arrange an appointment with the Local Housing officer with whome I am to discuss my Housing application, & will be seeing an advisor from the Citizens Advice Bureau with regards my rights as the primary parent & other related claims, grants, allowances etc...
I am not a door mat!
I am not a door mat!

I`ll keep you all informed.

Yours, the New Years Mug.

[CalistaClap]

Do you think that her affair with the other man had ended?

Did you two ever get a chance to discuss your "issues"?

Maybe you should giver HER the altimadium. Either she has to put some effort into it, or else you are gone.

Effort meaning both discussing your problems, as well as household/children chores.

[eightball61]

If you both are willing to regain what was lost then try it. Its not going to be an easy route but at least you can say to yourself that you tried. If you see no hope and more arguing coming out of things then you know what you need to do.