Can't Help Her

[pliskin]

I am so confused here, any advice would be so helpful. My wife has gained some weight. She is still beautiful and y to me but she doesn't feel that way about herself, which I understand. She has become insecure, jealous, angry at times and our love life has all but vanished.

What I don't understand is why she doesn't want to do anything about it. She doesn't have the greatest diet, drinks an awful lot and gets zero excersise. I've tried being supportive, saying nothing, leading by example...nothing works.

Obviously, my top priority is her happiness but to be honest, the life thing is starting to be a bigger issue. I feel horrible even typing this but I am so attracted to her. I've been "giving her space" for quite some time now and nothing has changed. Since she seems to be resigned to doing nothing about herself or our love life, I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm starting to get frustrated and even a tad resentful saying to myself "If you don't think that YOU are worth the effort, why don't you at least think I am or we are?"

We had such an amazing life not that long ago and I want that. I know she wants that too but just doesn't know how to get there. I feel like I have been very patient, understanding and supportive to her but nothing works. If I even broach the subject from a contructive and supportive angle, she gets angry and storms off then I get angry at myself for wanting intimacy from her at a time when she is unable to give that.

Continue to do nothing and hope that everything works out someday? I love this woman so deeply and have no interest in anyone else ever. I just believe that for a strong relationship to stand the test of time, people have to put some work in from time to time and I worry that she won't put in the work when it's needed and I will. OK, I'm rambling and probably sound like a jerk for wanting my life to be better when she isn't feeling good about herself. Thoughts?

[Melissa]

well being that i have some insecurity issues myself and am female i can probably offer you some advice on what i think would work for me even though i'm not having any weight issues. i think some women just need to hear it that we are still attractive to our men. some guys give up on showing us the same attention they used to give us after they've gotten us. maybe compliment her here and there, but don't make it like you're over trying. show some affection, kiss, cuddle, hold hands, put your arm around her in public, etc. i'm not sure if you already do these things or not. also, u could get her flowers here and there. sometimes it's the small things that matter the most and some men don't realize that. i'd rather have hugs n kisses more than any other materialistic item in the world. good luck.

[lillyz]

it sounds to me like she is a little depressed..maybe because of the weight gain...and sometimes when you are depressed you give up on things...maybe ,you could make time every night to go for a walk together...and talk, hold hands, just be close.while getting exercise...Gradually she might start feeling better, lose a little weight and feel closer to you....

[eightball61]

If she doesn't want to do anything about it then that's her fault. I could suggest that you both work out together but what's that going to do???? Just make her mad and storm off :rolleyes: . I guess you've done your best at trying to get this going. You both could try counseling but then she may just get mad at that idea and storm off. I wish I had a better answer for you but I just don't. If you're looking for a wild time then you may have to just rent a few s to choke the chicken.