What's your opinion?

[2wenty6ix]

Currently Im in a "Committed" relationship going on 4 years in march. Im 22 and shes 20. We have talked of marrage since the first year but are in no hurry because we want to live together first etc...
Were both confident that we were meant for eachother and truely dont want to spend our lives whith anyone else. That being said heres the deal.

SITUATION:
Lately (in the last 4 months) she has been having a "girls night out every friday with her best friend(female). This best friend has a commited ralationship also in a boyfriend of almost 5 years, who is my best friend. Typically they have been going to college parties or clubs on these nights. Another situation is that my girlfriend also recently gave this friend a "trip to cancun" for christmas for the two of them.

MY FEELINGS/BELIEFS:
Reguardless of trust(because I trust her) I feel that if you are in a commited relationship male or female you should not be going to clubs or parties without atleast inviting your partner PERIOD. I aslo feel like a trip to cancun is highly innappropreate for a person in a commited relationship to participate in without their partner. On a friday night basis while she is at these parties I am miserable because i feel that her going to these parties is innapropreaite with the added fact that I dont trust the situation she is in(her surroundings and her friend.) If she is to go to cancun with her friend and they are not including us boyfriends Im gonna be sitting back home feeling like an idiot for staying with her while that happens. Enough rambling on lets hear your opinions.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, ARE MY FEELINGS LOGICAL? HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?

[spiderlady04]

Well, here is how i see it. You have both stated you aren't ready to get married and that you want to be togather forever with her and no one else. She knows that and she is just trying to do the girl thing. Just because she goes dancing does not necessarily mean she is cheating on you. What I dont understand about men is that you all seem to think that once we do something on our own independantly you jump to the conclusion we are cheating on you. A trip to Cancun, what if she had gone to florida instead would you still feel the same way? Just because she went a little bit further away, maybe she is experincing life as a woman before she starts to experience it as a married woman. Switch the shoes be her go out to a party or 2 with out her. Or I dont know just a suggestion but maybe confronting her about your thoughts should be the first thing you do especially if you have been in a relationship for almost 4 years. Just my thoughts take them or leave them.

[CalistaClap]

I don't see that she is doing anything wrong.

Does she know how much this bothers you? If not you should definatly let her know. Talk to her about how parting EVERY weekend is making you uncomfortable. Don't tell her to stop, but just let her know how you feel.

When she goes out Friday nights, how about you go do a "guysnight" so that you aren't sitting at home worrying about it.

If you are sure that you 2 are ment to be together, then you have to trust her. Has she ever given you reason not to?

And as far as the trip to Cancun goes....good for her. It's great that she can enjoy this time with her best friend in such a fun place. Why don't you go on a trip as well without her? I would love to be able to just take off and go on a fun vacation with one of my friends, and I know that I wouldn't cheat. Not everyone cheats. Sometimes it's nice to just be away from it all with one of your closest friends.

Just because you are a couple doesn't mean that she HAS to invite you along. It also doesn't mean that you HAVE to sit home and worry yourself while she is gone. Get out and have fun. She is.

Good luck. :)

[Rich]

It's my belief that between the ages of 15 and 24 that people should be out meeting all types of people. I feel that doing this will utimately help in securing a long lasting, loving and strong relationship /marriage.

By meeting many folks you can experiance many different situations, feelings and issues. Experiencing many different things can give someone a more confident base from which to make a life long decision.

You state that you've been dating for four years. That would put your girlfriend at 16 when you started dating. If she's only been with you for that time, she might now want to see what else is out there or to just enjoy her freedom as an adult. Not necessarily to cheat, but to experience things.

Your girlfriend is growing into a woman and with growing comes change. We all grow and change. Things we liked then we might not like now. With growth comes perspective. Seeing things from a different vantage point changes opinions and feelings.

Back when you started dating you were her freedom to get away from her parents and date. You were older, had the transportation and had some money to spend on her. I'm not saying that she had a dependency on you, but you were her outlet. Now that she's older she doesn't necessarily need you to get places and do things. It's called freedom.

The worst thing that you can do is to try to contain, force or trap her into being with you. If what you have together is "true" (and whatever that means to you), then it will be. Give each other the space to grow into whoever you came into this world to be. All that you can do is to let her know your feelings and have her be honest to you about hers.

If you love something or someone, then set them free. If it comes back, then you'd have a stronger relationship for it. The last thing that you want is to be in a relationship with someone who is always wondering if they made the right choice. Or if they have regrets. Those relationships don't work out in the end.

Talk to your girlfriend from a calm and honest position about your feelings about her trip and why she doesn't ask you to come along on nights out. See what she says and be adult about whatever comes up. I'd much rather have honesty and maybe end things for awhile then to have my partner going behind my back and then maybe giving me an STD.

Rich

www.awesomerelationships.com

[eightball61]

Even though you both are only 2 years apart you both are in 2 different worlds. You been through being 21 and going out. She has not hit that yet and still at the age if constant partying.

You are right and you should trust her but she isn't doing anything wrong with hanging out with just her friends once a week while she can be with you the rest.

As for the trip though I do see your terms of it and she don't understand because she is the one going. Have you tried turning the tables?

This is very sensitive all the the way around. You both have to find a way to work through this and compromise or you will never be able to.