Very much in Love with my wife

[CLINTKEN]

Hi All,
This is my first chat room or counseling of any sort. I'll make it short and to the point. I'll be married 6 years this July. My wife and I had a blissful first year of marriage. 2 kids and 4 1/2 years later things are not hopeless, but stagnant and undriven would be an understatement. In these trying times my wife has turned to her mother, friends, the computer, books and recently an I-pod to avoid addressing our problems. I'm 36, she's 31. is at about once a month, and any attempts at communication are usually met with offense anger and even resentment. Her listening ear is rare and things that aren't important to "her", but may be important to me, are treated as unimportant. She says she loves me and will do whatever it takes to make "us" work, but she's been in her routine for so long now she doesn't know how to change it. It's a work in progress.

[CalistaClap]

She's saying that she will do whatever it takes to make you work but you say she gets resentful when your problems are brought up and trys to avoid them.

That will not help anything. Communication is the key and being able to accept the partners comments both positive and negative is a big factor.

If she isn't reacting to you wanting to talk, then maybe try this.

Send the kids to a relative of babysitters house for the night. Surprise her with flowers, dinner (in or out), wine, the whole nine yards. Go right romantic on her. If that's not your "style" even better. It will be a bigger surprise. Make it a night for just the 2 of you. Maybe it will get her to realize how good it used to be when you were dating, and how good it still can be now. Then maybe she will be a bit more cooperative.

Just a thought that is worth trying.

[eightball61]

The key is to get the spark going again...This can be done a few ways as Calista pointed out. You need to listen to her needs and she needs to listen to yours. After that come a an agreement on how to fix things and take it from there.

I could offer marriage counseling but try little things like suprizes, dinner, cute notes, ect...This list can carry on. You just have to be open and excepting to the idea. You both can still be there for the kids but devote time with each other each night for cuddling or talking.

[CLINTKEN]

Thanks 8ball and Calista,
If you only knew some of the things I've done to no avail. She says she wants me to woo her, but as a man(canine) we always expect a reward, and it's hard to get past so many efforts with little more than a pat on the head. My mind is so occupied on what to do to correct our problems and hers seems to be on everything not involving me. She sent me an e-mail yesterday she came across about relationships and when I asked her what in particular made her send it, she just kind of shrugged it off like " I don't know, I just did." That's what I deal with. Nothing to go on. No substance. How do I get her to express herself on a daily basis if need be .

[CalistaClap]

Explain to her that as much as she needs/wants the wooing, so do you.

You also need the attention focused on you, and for you too to also be spoiled at bit.

BEing romantic doesn't always need to be rewarded. (although it never hurt). BUt when you do things for her like surprising her with things, or being extra cuddly etc, do it to make her feel good, not to get something out of it.

Even if it's so much as just an e-mail, e-card, or voicemail telling them how much you love them. Anything to get that "warm fuzzy" feeling going again.

:)

[eightball61]

How do I get her to express herself on a daily basis if need be .


A little thing I tried and worked out in my relationship is both partners keeping a journal. If she has a hard time expressing day by day then write journal entries and trade books to read over then and put down your own thoughts.

Its not an easy process to get someone to open up but even after all the distrust and hurt eventually she may come around. You need to find little ways like to baby it. This would be a good start and try.