When you catch him lying by pics on the net [Archive]

CalistaClap

01-04-2005, 08:14 PM

I was just "surfing" the net, and I was on a website of a guy from around here. He had a group of pics from different parties. There was one on August 27, at some other guys house, and I picked my b/f out in 2 of the pics.

In the other pics everyone is drunk and then some, girls taking off their tops, etc. Although in the 2 pics my b/f is just standing there talking to another guy, I was never informed that he went.

If we didn't spend the night together it was usually because I was tired, or went and watched a movie with my friend. THen I ALWAYS ask him what he did that night. I dont pry, but simply "so what'd you do lastnight" sort of thing.

If he had told me he went to a major party like this WITHOUT me, I'm sure I'd remember, and I'm sure I wouldn't be happy.

I've asked him lately after all of our "situations" if there was ANYTHING else that he was hiding from me, and he swears that there isn't. He swore that he would tell me because he doesn't want to make himself out worse than he is by me finding out another way.

But why would he hide that? I mean he came clean to me about cheating before I ever even caught him. Why would he hide something like this? I'm not the type to flip out. If he had told me that he went to a party the night before I probably would have been ticked but gotten over it within an hour or something.

Who or what was he doing so bad that he had to completely lie about the fact he was there? I've always told him when I do things. Even if I know he won't like it. If I go to the bar (which i may do without him like 2 times a year) I always tell him, even though I know he doesn't enjoy it.

Do you think this is something big enough flip out about? I'm planning on saying something to him, but I'm unsure if I should flip out (like I feel like doing) or if that would be too much in this situation.

What would you do?

eightball61

01-04-2005, 08:49 PM

He has spent much of the relationship lying. As you read from these boards and other out there the same answer lies in them all.... I am sorry to point it out this way Calista but take a look at him and see what he has caused and still causing.

Sure those pics were months ago but that was also at the time he was suppose to be trying not to lie anymore. I do think you would remember this because you have some insecurity issues from what I remember.

The picture may not tell much of what happened or may have happened but the point is that he was still there. I asked you this and I will now ask you again; "How much more can you take"? Don't you want to live a relationship without all this drama?

Sure there are many relationships out there with drama but not like this. You are giving a good break and I think you should continue this break to work on you. Leave the whole thing on what he done alone. All this is doing to me is proving more and more why I hate this guy. If I was single I would save you from himm ;)

CalistaClap

01-05-2005, 12:45 PM

You don't think that I should say anything to him?

I thought and thought about where I could have been that night and I finally figured it out.

The party was on August 27th, which was a Friday. That week he and I had went to see Cher on the 25th (Wed). I always waitress Thrusday nights and since I was out late the night before and still had to work here early in the morning, I asked for my waitressing shift to get moved to Friday instead of Thrusday because I knew I'd be tired.

I talked to him lastnight on the phone and I bit my tounge because I am not sure yet how I want to handle this situation.

I've just never met anyone like him. When he is around me he is the world's most devoted boyfriend. Very mannerly, sweet, cuddly, caring, emotional person. He gets hurt easily by other people. He will spend hours telling me how much he loves me, how he sees our future, holding me sooo close. Calls me at work almost everyday just to see how my day is going,makes me breakfast all the time, etc.

Then, when I am away from him, he has proven that there is such a slimy sneaky side to him, that if not proven to me like it has been, I probably wouldn't beleive it if someone tried to tell it to me.

I know if I were reading this situation from someone else I would probably be very quick to tell them to move on, but when faced with the situation, I am realizing how much harder that is to actually do. I always said that if my b/f ever cheated I would leave him. Then it actually happened to me and I couldn't do it. When you have someone who is VERY convincing crying and begging for another chance, it's next to impossible to say no, when such strong feelings are there. :eek:

Eightball, I know you must be ready to jump through the screen and shake me, because I've been rambling about this type of thing for months. :confused:

eightball61

01-05-2005, 01:48 PM

I've just never met anyone like him. When he is around me he is the world's most devoted boyfriend. Very mannerly, sweet, cuddly, caring, emotional person.

:

Read this part over and over.......

This is what you want to see in him but you are not allowing for reality to hit you. What I mean is in reality he is not this type of boyfriend. Maybe at the beginning he was but not anymore. If he is now its because he wants back with you.

When you are now with him the time is shared with lies. You can't say I am wrong about this because you are finding more and more lies about this man.

I am not saying you shouldn't say anything about it but I think its best you just part all ways. I told you this before and you refuse to do it. How much hurt can you take?

You are lost right now because of this man. So you want to live a life of wondering what he is doing or where he is going? In relationships its great to have personal lives but the one he shared he shattered it with lies and cheating. You no longer can trust him after that. Its time for a new start....

CalistaClap

01-05-2005, 02:10 PM

eightball61

01-05-2005, 02:36 PM

He actually is still this way. He has been this way the whole way through except those really rocky weeks in Oct-Nov. I"m not trying to defend him, because I do agree with what you are saying, but he does act like this all the time I am with him. That's what makes it so hard. How can he be so devoted when I am with him, and yet do these things behind my back. I've never met anyone like that.

I'm still trying to figure out how to handle this situation.

Put all other past issues aside for a second. Jeff, if your girlfriend was to lie to you about going to a major party while you were working and a few months later you found pics on the net that porved she was there, how would you handle it? I'm by no means saying that your g/f and he are anything alike, I just want your opinion.

Thanks! You have been such a help getting through all of this. :)

You popped a very good questions..... :D

I will say that I have told my GF to brake up with me if she has ever fallen for someone else. If she or I was to cheat I will not take her back and I don't expect her to do the same....If I was to try to work things out it would all depend on the situation like if she lied about it.

If she cheated it would be very hard to regain the trust and she would have to play by my rules. I know it may sound harsh but she will have to work to regain that trust. I would never be able to trust her again like I once did though.

If she was to continue lying while fixing things up in the relationship then yes I would call it quits. The reason is that you and I are too young to be wasting our life with drama that is not getting fixed. Two things can happen while fixxing things and thats it either works or doesn't. You shouldn't pretend its going to work when nothing has proven it will. Sure he great around you and I am sure my GF would be the same but with lies and other things keep poppong up I rather take my valuable life and spend it with someone that truelly cares about me.

CalistaClap

01-05-2005, 03:14 PM

You make so much sense. And thats exactly how I had felt before the cheating happened. I had been cheated on before and simply told him that if he felt the need to cheat or found someone else, to do me the favor of breaking up with me rather than put me through misery.

I also told him if he cheated on me I would leave him, move out, and take all of my stuff, including every thumbtack or lightbulb of mine with me. Needless to say I didn't do that either.

I think that I chose to work it through with him because everything else was really stressed out with me at that point. Just to name a few, my mother was diognosed with cancer, my grand mother was sick, 2 of my best friends got married, and another one had a baby. It seemed like he was all I had left at that point, and I couldn't face the reality that I may loose him. So I chose to forgive him.

When Oct. happened where i took the break and then he didn't know if he wanted to be together. Then we gave it another shot. Then a few weeks ago I get the call about him trying to hook up with the other girl. Then yesterday I found pics of him at a party he didn't tell me about.

But they all happened before we broke up in October. Should that matter? Or because it was a "fresh start" should I leave it as the past?

To be truthful I am very hurt that he went to this party and didn't tell me. Who knows what happened! I know he wasn't drinking, because he can't (medical reasons), but that doesn't make it any better. I feel like I should completely flip out at him for it, but then again, if all other things hadn't happened, then it wouldn't be that big of deal.

:mad:

YOu answered my question above (thanks), but right now if you were to find pics of your g/f on the net at a party, and you guys have no past cheating or lying, would you be upset? I just am trying to get a grip on where other people would stand if faced with this.

Thanks so much!

eightball61

01-05-2005, 03:30 PM

Yes, I would be mad if I found those pics. As we know I am very insecure and if she lied about going to a party or never told me then I would be made espcially what was in the picture.

I am a true believe when relationships are based on trust, communication, and honesty. If a person can't be honest with me then I am out. I do see what you are saying on how you were the same way in thinking before it all happened but I know I would be able to do it.

I don't know if I could give her a chance if she cheated and it all depends on the situation. I got rid of a friend that lied and direspected me and if I got rid of a best friend then I can do it to a girl. I am here to live my life and not allow someone else to run it with lies. I want happiness and I am sure thats what you want to.

If I found pictures like that I would be bullshit at the whole. She would have lost my trust. It wouldn;t be as bad as cheating though and I know I could continue the relationship but it would be rocky for sometime.

CalistaClap

01-05-2005, 03:44 PM

Thank you for your point of view. I am mad. But I have also explained all of this to one of my g/f's who thinks that I shouldn't bring it up where it happened before we broke up.

SHe says since it's been 5 months, and it was just a party, it really isn't worth bringing up and causing an uproar again.

She knows pretty much my whole situation except the last inncodent where he was trying to meet the girl behind my back.

Her point of view is that he didn't tell me that he was there, but he also didn't tell me that he WASN"T there. To me that still shouldn't matter. I shouldn't have to ask "so'd ya go to any parties, bars, or sleep with and other woman lastnight?"

When I ask him what he did the night before, I expect him to tell me what he did. All of it. Not that I think I have to know his every move, because if he went to Subway or McDonald's or something I can see him leaving that part out. But a party? That is THE thing of the night.

UGG! Well I've decided. I am going to say something to him. I want him to know that once again he's been caught.

I might even tell him that I found out that he lied to me about where he went one night, and then let him tell me where it was. That way if there is more than one occurance, it's time to spill the beans if he thinks he has a chance of even talking to me again.

I hate drama. I love peace. I just want some peace.

eightball61

01-05-2005, 04:27 PM

I hate drama. I love peace. I just want some peace.

Thats why you should move on.....Its just going to continue for a while. There are just to many things to patch up to move on or if you did move on the process will take a very long time and your patients will eventually wear-off

eightball61

01-06-2005, 04:47 PM

Calist..how are things going?

CalistaClap

01-06-2005, 06:22 PM

Well nothing new. I haven't had a chance to mention anything to him. I spent lastnight with my friend who is moving to Edmonton today, and I work tonight, so I will probably say something to him over the weekend.

Thanks for asking! :D

eightball61

01-06-2005, 06:54 PM

I am just glad that we are able to keep in touch...And keep me posted :D

CalistaClap

01-07-2005, 12:49 PM

I sure will.

Have anything fun planned for the weekend? I don't. Supposed to storm again...UGG!

:)

eightball61

01-07-2005, 02:09 PM

I don't have to much planned for the weekend. I have to just DJ on Sa. night and thats all. As for you this weekend use the time wisely even though it will storm. Rent a few movies, call a friend over, or do something that you always wanted to do on spare time. Just keep yourself busy.

CalistaClap

01-07-2005, 02:25 PM

That usually what I do anyway, stormy or good weather, lol.

Have you ever seen the movie Napoleon Dynamite? It's a movie by MTV, just came out on DVD.

We (my friends and I ) rented it one weekend and watched it 3 times, then rented it again, and watched it, then I bought it so we will probably watch it again.

I love it, very funny.

eightball61

01-07-2005, 02:31 PM

I never seen that movie but I know what you meen about watching the same flick over and over. I am the same way with Titanic :D (sorry I love that movie).

Well it sound you got the weekend planned out and remember just to keep busy durning this time. Storms can be hard because all you are is trapped and nothing to do but think.

CalistaClap

01-07-2005, 02:48 PM

Yeah Titanic was a good one.

Naploean Dynamite is like "Degrassi Jr high" meets "the Trailor Park Boys."

Dunno if you have ever seen either of those shows (their Canadian), but that's the best way I can describe it.

eightball61

01-07-2005, 03:09 PM

You did good a describing them :p Man I miss the ol' gang... :( Do you?

CalistaClap

01-07-2005, 03:43 PM

CalistaClap

01-07-2005, 03:44 PM

Adding to my post right before this one:

Who knows, they may all be banned too.

eightball61

01-07-2005, 04:45 PM

I really do! I was just thinking that this morning! I was wondering how ElatedGiraffe, RedDoorBlack and Little Lost Soul was doing. It's sad that we can't contact them.

:(

I miss them too. It's funny how one can get so attached and care for people that haven't even met.

I know...I have kept the long email that was discussed between me and the mods about the banned. It was hell but there is no point. I have moved on and maybe when I get the net at home I may hop back on. If you got an email address I will share you the funny email. I dont think I can post it here...lol

CalistaClap

01-07-2005, 06:29 PM

Are we allowed to post our e-mail address on here?

I deleted mine e-mails from the mods of that board. It mad me a bit angered that they were being quite rude to me, when I wasn't the one who did anything wrong, except work with a girl who had been banned from the Parenting section (i think that is where she said). I can accept them banning the computer, but banning me altogether is a bit much just because I am associated with her.

Anyways, I"ll give it a go.

My email is: CalistaClap@hotmail.com (i'm so original, lol).

We had the internet at home, but recently got it disconnect because no one used it. I sit in front of a computer all day, so to go home and do the same on my time off is a bit much, lol.

I suppose I could use a public computer from time to time to go on, but I think I'd have to use another name, and no one would know who I was anyway.

eightball61

01-07-2005, 07:16 PM

I got it down and I will send you that long email by the mods....Its pretty funny in many ways. When you get it you have to start from the bottom then to the top. I just miss everyone there....

CalistaClap

01-07-2005, 07:45 PM

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00006EHAV/ref=cm_rv_thx_view/002-8825131-8012843?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance

This is a site I found that lets you give a review of your experience of "that board".

I filled one out, and if you wish, then just so to this site.

I miss them too. Although I wasn't there as long as you, I still got attached.

Too bad we couldn't let them know where we are (here! :) ) so that they could come chat. I'm sure they are wondering where we are too.

eightball61

01-07-2005, 07:57 PM

That can be done but I will get banned again. I am thinking about doing it on another comp.

But anyway I think I am out for the night enjoy your weekend and remember to keep busy.

CalistaClap

01-07-2005, 08:16 PM

You have a good weekend too.

Oh by the way I got your e-mail. I responded to it.

eightball61

01-08-2005, 03:35 PM

Tell me how the weekend goes....

CalistaClap

01-10-2005, 12:47 PM

My weekend was ok. I still haven't mentioned anything to him about the pics. I think that I will tonight though. I know I keep saying that, but I just haven't had a good chance yet.

Friday night......I can't remeber what I did....must have been pretty boring, lol. Oh yea I went to visit my friend.

Saturday I spent with my friend and then visited him Sat night, but there were other people there so I didnt get a chance to say anything.

Yesterday I went 4-wheeling with a guy friend of mine and some other people, then a bunch of us went out to supper and came home and watched our favorite movie for the 10th time (Napoleon Dynamite).

That's about it in a nutshell.

Did you have an good weekend?

eightball61

01-10-2005, 01:40 PM

MY weekend went well and tiring... We got some snow and I am part of my local fire dept. and it was busy with weekend accidents from the snow. Then I DJ'd on Sat. night.

Tell him when you feel its right. Theres no time but if you are going to then sooner the better. You are spending time to yourself and I am happy to see that you are going out rather than sitting around moping about his flaws. Just keep up what you are doing and see what falls into place.