confused...please help

[imsokonfused89]

i dont know what to do....me and my bf have been together since i think june, but its been off and on. but well...i think im getting tired of him. he annoys me a lot. we have ....and i dont know...im not sure if i really want to, he says he wants to to show me how much he loves me but to me its just because hes and he always wants to do it from behine, not anal, but from behind where i have my ass in the air and thats just...not me, im very uncomfortable with my body and i dont exactally want him looking at my ass. and he wants me to give me head all the time and ill be giving him a hand job and crap and he will stick it in my face and its so gross, i move my face and try to get away and its just so nasty. and like..i play hit him and slap him and stuff, and now he hits me and it hurts and yea, i wish he wouldnt. we talk about getting married...but to me its just a dream, a fantasy...i dont want to get married yet, im 15 for goodness sake. too young, i think, to even think about getting married. and stuff...but he is actually serious about it and i dont know....i mean, he isnt romantic, he just touches whatever whenever and i hate it...i mean, what should i do??? break up with him or suck it up and stay with him? im not sure..i like so many other people, and im not over my ex's at all...i have a hard time letting go of my feelings for people...

[speedy]

I would say talk to him about it. All the stuff, its no fun if you both don'tenjoy, I've noticed some couples tend to have a hard time expressing what they want in .

And for him not treating you good. He should know better. I read an email once listing what a woman needs and what a man needs. The woman's list was insanly long and the guys list hadjust food and . You have to get it into his head that woman are different in their needs and wants.

Just mainly talk about it and be firm.

[imsokonfused89]

ive talked to him about it a lot..ive broken up with him over it and everything, he just doesnt get it...he says he will change and he never does, i dont know if i should just end it and try moving on or stay...im just confused, i dont know how to make him understand how i feel, he says he does but i know he doesnt. ill let him know what annoys me and everything and he says he'll stop, he does for a while, but then he keeps doing it

[speedy]

Hmm, be firm i guess. Ignore him, block blah blah blah. I dont know, If you've already talked and he doesnt change or makes a valid effort to then its not worth it to stay. If you keep ignoring him he'll stop eventually. Might be a while. Maybe find someone for him to bother. :) I'm harsh.

[imsokonfused89]

lol, ive tried asking him to maybe go out with someone else, or consider it...he wont, i tried getting him with one of my friends but he said no.i wanna go out with a girl...cuz i like her, but im afraid to break up with him, afraid to hurt him again. i want to break up with him but he makes me feel so guily, so then i go back out with him

[speedy]

Hmm, myabe someone will have better advice. If you don't mind me asking, Are you his first? Cause if you are thats why he keeps at it. But I ran out of ideas of why he wont stop.

Dont give him what he wants unless he changes or if you can see that he or something make him work for it.

[CalistaClap]

My answer: Break up with him.

You are 15 years old and in a bad relationship already. He is probably not mature enough yet to know how to treat a girl properly.

You don't want to have , or any of the other things? Then don't. Do what you want and what makes you happy.

To me he is sounding like a potentional abuser. He is already hitting you so it hurts. Play fighting is one thing, but when it starts to actually hurt and he won't stop that is another. He is guilting you into and ual acts that you don't want to do or feel comfortable doing. He is mentally abusing you also.

At the age of 15, you should be focasing on friends, school, clothes, sports, and still having crushes on guys. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Don't waste it with this looser who is only getting everything that he wants and giving nothing that you want.

Is there ANYTHING good about this relationship? I don't see anything from what you described.

Do yourself a favor. End it, for good, and move on with your life doing things to make you happy, not other people. This guy sounds like a wate of time.

[eightball61]

He says that he will change because he wants to keep you but in reality its hard to change a person. A person has to change for themselves. Everyone is right here and its best you just break up with him.

You dont owe him anything besides a break up. Please allow yourself to expirience teen life rather than get trapped to the horror of a bad relationship. He is very immature and doesn't know how to act for a real relationship.

You said it yourself and you are not into him anymore so the only fair thing to do is break it off.

[imsokonfused89]

i broken up with him the day before yesterday ^.^ *proud of myself* yea...he really doesnt know how to treat a girl right......i have with him to make him happy, i dont want to hurt his feelings and turn him down, ya know. yea...i am 15....i dont want to do this stuff...im so young and i wanted to wait til i found the right person, but my past has prevented that for me. i wish i was like every other teen, worrying about those things...not what i am worrying about now. he is nice and sweet....thats good, he gets me things sometimes, nothing for christmas but thats cuz he didnt have a job and he used the money he got for x-mas on himself.....i like doing things that make other people happy...i dont think i deserve to be happy...other people do. i cant help but to try and make others happy and not worry about myself sometimes. he can be nice, though.....and its hard to end it for good, he makes me feel so guily about breaking up with him you know? i just cant help but give in and go back out with him. we have been dating off and on...i tell my friends i broke up with him and now they are all like 'you will be back with him next week' but i wish that wasnt true....i do give in to him, he makes me feel so guilty and like im such a bad person....

[imsokonfused89]

yea...i understand its hard for people to change, thats why i keep giving him chances....to see if he really can/will, but he never does. i feel like i have to go out with him, like its so wrong and mean of me to break up with him and not go back out with him....i cant find anyone that can treat me right...i am not very independent...i need someone around to tell me that they love me and to take care of me and comfort me when i need it, i can go on without someone...i tried before, i ended up so depressed and cutting myself a lot. i just...really need someone that understands me and tries to help me rather then forcing me to do things they want me to do. i know hes immature...its like...all guys want is they dont want a real relationship, and i hate that. i cant find anyone that doesnt want that, except my ex...she was great, but i broke up with her because matt made me feel bad about going out with someone else and now she had moved on, she has someone else...someone so much better, prettier and everything...i dunno what im going to do...i broke up with him, but im all alone.......

[imsokonfused89]

thanx for helping everyone. it means a lot.

[CalistaClap]

Do not just stay with someone because they are guilting you into it. That obviously is his once again proving that he does not care about how you feel, only about how he feels.

If you do not want to have , then don't. Simple. Don't end up pregnant at the age of 15, when the only reason you had in the beginning was to keep SOMEONE else happy.

He does not sound like a good person. Trust me I've been there and done that when I was your age. When I was 15, broke up with someone who was very jealous and controlling. He cried, and cried. He smashed his head up against brick walls, he turned his family against me, he called me all the time and threatened if he seen me with some other guy, he was going to hang around me so the other guy would get mad, and when I finally did move on, he would call me out of class, and then actually got into a fight with my new b/f. That is not normal.

When you get older you will look back at this guy and think "what a looser" just like I do of my ex.

Don't waste your time. Don't do things that you don't want. Put yourself first.

Not to sound harsh, but you say that you can't seem to find anyone who wants a normal relationship. Your 15, and I"m assuming that the people you are dating are also around your age. 99.9% of people are not mature enough at that age to be in a sensible and serious relationship.

You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. THat has to happen with both people.

Take some time and focus on yourself and what it will take you make YOU happy with you.

PS. I'm glad you broke up with him.. Just stand your ground, and don't let him suck you back in. It's time to put yourself first.

[eightball61]

i broke up with him, but im all alone.......


Even dating him you were alone but you didn't realize it. The only time he was around was to get a piece and thats it. You are right though and you are too young to be having this.

Try to enjoy some of your life and try to get back in your group of friends or make new ones. You are not alone because you could be closer with your family and do things with them for the time being.

Don't feel so down over this because you found it in your heart to do the right thing.

[imsokonfused89]

i dont think ill get pregnant...he pulls out and wears a sometimes when we do have . and if i dont stay with him or have with him i feel im a mean person and that hes going to hate me, i dont want him to hate me. i dont want anyone to hate me. i dont have to think that when im older...i think hes a loser now, i just feel bad, yet he needs to let me go because i think deep down he sees im unhappy, he is just being selfish because he wants to be happy and maybe he does want to be with me...or he is just using me, i dont know...i have bad luck with guys...everytime i break up with someone they say 'im gunna cut myself' 'im gunna commit suicide' and 'i love you i only want you i wanna be with you i dont deserve anyone better' but in the end, they always move on and find someone better, except matt. and i dont get why....it puzzles me why he has stayed around so long, i swear ive broken up with him 50 times, i dont get why he is still here...i dont know how to put myself first, i always put others first and care about how they feel and try my best to make them happy...i know it makes me happy...but to me i guess it doesnt matter how i feel, i dont deserve happiness. i know poeple my age dont want a serious relationship...ive tried secretly dating older people, but all they wanted was ...so yea...you say i have to be happy with myself....i cant be happy with myself, if you saw me you would understand why, if you knew what ive been through, you would understand why. im kind of giving in to him, he hasnt asked me out but i know he wants to go back out, he still comes over every day :/ i dont know...i cant tell him i dont want to come over. hes been coming over ever day since we met, im used to it, i dunno if i could really go a day without him coming over, i tried to yesterday, but he took it upon himself to come over to my house...

[imsokonfused89]

the last one was to calistaclap. this ones to eightball61.

Try to enjoy some of your life and try to get back in your group of friends or make new ones. You are not alone because you could be closer with your family and do things with them for the time being.

Don't feel so down over this because you found it in your heart to do the right thing.

ive always been alone, i thought i finally found someone i could talk to about anything and that would never leave me...and i wanna leave him. i know i was alone when i was dating him...i just dont want to admit that..i dont exactally have many friends...im kind of...anti-social...all my friends are weird, and i dont hang out with them, i just talk to them in school. im not close at all with my family, they hardly know me. im...shy, even around family, i cant help it...people get annoyed by my shyness, when they are around me, in person. cuz i cant say what i think or how i feel and they want me to but i just cant...im afraid of expressing my feelings, afraid of getting hurt. i finally told my ex i like her...she has a gf...that even hurt me, but she moved on..i have to, right?...i wish it was as easy to do as it was to type it....

[CalistaClap]

Ok, your first problem is that you obviously DEPEND on someone else to make you happy. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! YOU have to make YOU happy. You can argue with that fact as much as you want, but when it all boils down, the truth to being happy in life lies within YOURSELF. When you are happy with yourself then you can be genuinally happy in a relationship. I think that all comes with age and maturing.

Problem #2. You are staying with this guy because he pays attention to you, not because he is good to you, or that you even enjoy being with him. You just said above that you consider him a looser. What else does he do for you besides give you attention? Think about that? Does he make you feel good about yourself....no...because you are hear feeling guilty about dumping him. Does he care about you being happy?.....no....because you are not happy with him and he still continues to pressure you. Does he put what you want first?......no......You are having and preforming ual acts to please him, even though that isn't what you want.

Problem#3, Believing the "I"m gonna kill myself" story when you end the relationship. Has it happened yet? No. What's the chances that it will happen? Very VERY slim. Trust me, as many times as I've heard teenyboppers threaten this, I've come to a conclusion, this is what someone says as a last resort. This is what they feel is the last chance to keep something they want. Sort of like when kids throw tantrums when they don't get their own way. When he says it, give him a # to a local Help line, and be done with it. It's not your problem, or your responsibility as a 15 year old to have the thought of someone else's life on your shoulders.

I understand that this guy is making you feel guilty, but that is just going to show how selfish he really is. If he loved you like he should, he would respect your decision. It's one for him to let you know that he wants you back, but it's another to guilt them into it. He should be sitting back, giving you space. Then if you decided you wanted him back, you could contact him. But he is not doing that, because he is self-centered.

You don't think that you are going to get pregnant? I'm not saying that you will, but it CAN happen. I hope that "pulling out' is not your only type of contracptive, because it is not effective at all, and it's like playing with fire. Just think if you did? THen you would have this immature, self centred jerk attached to you in some way for the rest of your life? UGG! :eek:

I don't know what other type of advise we can give you besides don't go back, and focus on you instead. Someone else will come along eventually.

[eightball61]

Hey

Calista had alot of very good points to follow here. To add my opinion though I know you say you always have been alone but you dont need people to use you to feel wanted.

In High school I did what it took to have friends like drive people around, give money out, ect. I am 22 today and none of those people are friends with me anymore because I noticed what was going on and I hated getting used.

You are 15 and starting to notice what people/he is doing to you. You made the right choice and should stick to it. I am not going to tell you how to run your life but you outta get out there more and hang with friends after school. Also you will be 16 shortly and old enough to get a job. When that happens you will meet a whole new world of people but dont let them use you.