Need advice

[Jabippy]

Ok I will try and keep this short. I have been with my wife for 15 years. The problem is I have never been in love with her. We are more like friends, I think she was in love with me in the beginning but I am pretty sure that she isn't any longer. I mean she loves me but is not in love with me if you get my drift.

See, the thing is I pretty much gave up on falling in love before I met her. It seemed to me that falling in love was an adolescent chemical thing, not something that really happens to mature people. I used to fall in love with girls when I was a teen but that ended when the hormones subsided. So I decided that I would find someone compatable and that would have to do.

Like I said we have been married for 10 years and together for 15 and it has worked out well. We don't argue much and get along well. We have two great children, 6 and 8.

Now that I have given you the backround let me state my problem.

I was never very physically attracted to my wife. She is an attractive person but not really the type that gets me hot. When I was younger this didn't present much of a problem ually because, well hey I was young and could have probably have had with anyone.

I am in my early forties now and in the past 2 or 3 years I have had a problem getting and maintaining an with her. She thinks the problem is on my end and wants me to talk to my doctor and maybe get viagra.

The problem is I don't have any trouble at all getting and keeping an during while watching ography. It's just that I am finding it very hard to get aroused by a middle aged woman who is a bit overweight. Don't get me wrong I am slightly overweight and middle aged as well but my libido apparently wasn't informed.

Obviously I can't tell my wife that I don't find her ually attractive but what is the alternative?

[CalistaClap]

You could try going to the doctor like she suggested. I'm not up to date on all needs for viagra, but maybe your doctor could share some advise if it would work for you in your situation or not.

Also, another suggestions is for both you and your wife to join a gym. If you suggest doing it together then it won't be such a target at her. It will not only improve your appearance, but make you healthier at the same time, and also make you feel better about yourself.

Another suggestion could be couples counselling. That option cannot hurt anything. I think that pretty much every couple out there could benefit from it. THis is a good way for you to share and work out problems that both of you have about the other (that may not be being shared).

Also, try new things in the bedroom that may get that spark going again. Something other than the norm. Movies, toys, costumes, whatever is up your alley.

[valueprep]

Well, first off I hope you are not saying that you don't love your wife because I would advise seeking out a divorice asap before the tick tocks anymore.
Although, I think you do love her but just as you said, just not ually attracted so much to her. If you truly do love her and feel that your marraige can survive or no than the will be the bonus goal if and when you can achieve it.
The gym and working out for the both is not a bad idea but it must be a 2 way street not one and you must both STICK WITH IT.
Viagra is a chemical that is going to keep you harder longer but in your mind you are not truly feeling attracted. You need to ask yourself if this is a deal breaker because their is a good chance gym or no gym, chemicals or none, that this feeling will maintain it's existence and no long term progression will be attained. If she has too much value in your life and vice versa then continuing to overlook this is definately indicated. She is probably to valuable to simply toss away over this.
Introspection and asking yourself these questions will assist in your overall progression.

Take care,
Brian Maloney,
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