what do I do?

[snazzyassets]

Hey everyone! I am a newbie to the site but I could really use some advice. I have been living with my boyfriend now for 7 months and I keep founding out more and more "disturbing" things about him. First, we had an issue with the magnitude of that he was looking at. It took months of him lying and me busting him and he finally gave that up when I turned the tables on him. Now the big issue at hand is yesterday I found out he was a member of a web board that is specifically for gamers. I read through the threads and found out that he has been talking to these guys about fantasies. Any other time I would have kicked him to the curb but this guy maintains that he loves me and swears he doesn't want to lose me. Swears he wants to marry me and everything. I love him dearly, I just don't know what to do. I feel violated but I don't want to lose him either. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :)

[CalistaClap]

Yea that is a bit odd.

Is there any part of you that thinks that he may be ? (other than the discussion board).

It may be something that he is not ready to admit or "come out of the closet" yet about.

You've really got to get to the bottom of all of this. If he IS , then you are just wasting your time being with him. But it may be something that he is trying to keep on the low so that no one finds out.

Tell him of your concerns and that you do not want to be lead on.

I guess it all depends on how much you trust the guy.

[eightball61]

This is very odd for him to do this and I will add I know a married man that is and had three children. The guy once came onto me and forcefully wanted more but I refused and left.

The example I am trying to get at is that there are many unsure people and what they want in todays world. Yes, the bothered you but he has fantasies beyond this and you found proff. He has lied in the past and still seems to be doing so.

I am not going to tell you acyually what to do here but he needs time to figure out if he wants to have a commitited partner or go with these fantasies. The internet is a huge play to failing relationships. He has to make a choice on what he wants and thats final.

[snazzyassets]

Thanks so much for your input! I wish this were cut and dry, I have confronted him about what I found out and he tried to explain to me that its just fantasy, that he would never act on it. I told him that he needed to be honest with me but more importantly he needs to be honest with himself. He still swears that I am what he wants and he wants to spend his life with me. I explained to him that he needed to make sure before saying that because its not fair to lead me on if it does turn out that he can't be totally committed to me. I did happen to check up on him and he took his profile off of the website that I found him on. Oh, if things weren't so complicated.....

[CalistaClap]

Well he did take a step in the right direction by taking the profile off.

I would watch him very closely for the next little while.

It would be very u nsettling for me to know that my b/f has fantasies. It would make me wonder if I was just a cover up until he is ready to come out.

You know him, you have to draw the conclusion yourself. Watch for closely for warning signs.

[eightball61]

Now its about what you believe in. You heard the lies before but the fantasy still happens. Its something that affect you and if he wants to keep you its time for the change. Suggest not having the internet for sometime so you both can work on this.

[CalistaClap]

Eightball that is a very good idea. By taking away the that threat will no longer be there.

Like the saying goes: You can always have the internet hooked back up, but you can't always get your partner back.

[eightball61]

Eightball that is a very good idea. By taking away the that threat will no longer be there.

Like the saying goes: You can always have the internet hooked back up, but you can't always get your partner back.


Damn skippy :cool: