confused831
01-18-2005, 01:55 AM
I was going out with John from the age of 17 to 22. Our relationship was really great for the first 3 ½ years. John is a wonderful guy who is really caring, smart, generous, and most importantly, great to me. After the 3 ½ years, I got to a point in my life of confusion. I was unsure of myself and my future. I was working at a company since I was 18 and I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to go back to school or continue where I was or even find a new postion outside my current company. Once I moved out of my parent's house and into my own apartment, I got unsure of my relationship with John. Not because of anything to do with him but because I wasn't sure of who I was without him. So after we were going out for 4 ½ years, I decided that I wasn't able to commit myself to John anymore and I broke up with him. We were both devastated and although the break up was "clean" with no fighting or yelling, we were both heart broken.
So for the last year, I went out and lived the single life meeting new people and making new friends. I had a great time and did things that I would never have done if I was still with John but the whole time, John was in the back of my mind. And recently, John has been in my thoughts the majority of the days. We have gotten together throughout the year but within the last few months, it has been more and more. We have had our talks about "us" and we both are still deeply in love with each other but there were never any talk about actually getting back together. He always told me how he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to get back with me because of all the pain I put him through and that he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to trust me again.
The a few days ago, John attended a party with me and we ended up having (more than 1). We had several opportunities within the last year too but we both never gave in and actually did it. Ever since, I have been thinking about John like crazy and wondering what it is that I want from him. I know that I ultimately want to marry him but I am not sure if I am ready to commit myself again to someone? The time apart has helped us both grown as individuals and gave us lots of time to think about what it is that we want. Do I try to get back together with him (starting very slow) or do I let fate take its course and see what happens down the road? Was it meant to be or am I feeling liek this because he was my first love and a "fall back"? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!! :confused:
So for the last year, I went out and lived the single life meeting new people and making new friends. I had a great time and did things that I would never have done if I was still with John but the whole time, John was in the back of my mind. And recently, John has been in my thoughts the majority of the days. We have gotten together throughout the year but within the last few months, it has been more and more. We have had our talks about "us" and we both are still deeply in love with each other but there were never any talk about actually getting back together. He always told me how he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to get back with me because of all the pain I put him through and that he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to trust me again.
The a few days ago, John attended a party with me and we ended up having (more than 1). We had several opportunities within the last year too but we both never gave in and actually did it. Ever since, I have been thinking about John like crazy and wondering what it is that I want from him. I know that I ultimately want to marry him but I am not sure if I am ready to commit myself again to someone? The time apart has helped us both grown as individuals and gave us lots of time to think about what it is that we want. Do I try to get back together with him (starting very slow) or do I let fate take its course and see what happens down the road? Was it meant to be or am I feeling liek this because he was my first love and a "fall back"? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!! :confused: