What should I do? How can I be supportive?

[fc810]

I'm 24, my bf turning 26. We've known each other for 9 years. He was my first boyfriend when I was 15 but because I moved across the country, communication became weak and we broke up. We remained very good friends. I then graduated from college, moved back. We've rekindled our love - now we're looking at our 2 1/2 year mark. This is a very serious relationship for both him and me, with eyes looking toward spending the rest of our lives together.

He graduated 1 1/2 years ago and did not found a job. Or yet, he didn't try to look for one. A life of chilling at home, playing video games, poker, going online, buying and selling stuff on ebay, playing with his now 11 year old brother, etc. This is the biggest problem I have with him, the lack of ambition that he NEEDS to fix before we can move on further. I've hinted, I've gotten angry, I've given ultimatums. Now the ironic thing is, after my numerous failed attempts to motivate him for the last 1 1/2 years and my giving up, he's finally looking for a job!

I should be happy, right? But I can't - he wants to be a cop. I know everyone has their own dreams and some are meant to do some career whereas some are not. But everytime I think about him becoming a cop, I get so scared. I get worried even when he's late 30 minutes to meet up. I really, really want to be supportive but I just can't do it! I listen to him talking about the application process, and my heart jumps. I'm really happy for him but inside I'm so scared. I've even tried to talk to a police recruiter to gain more confidence, to find out the "realistic" facts of being a cop, instead of what I hear from the media. I asked him if his wife supports him and what kind of mentality she has when he leaves for work. He told me, "She doesn't fear death. Some things just can't be controlled." But the thing is... I don't fear death at all - for me! If somebody asked me, "What is the thing you fear most?" I'd without a doubt say "loss." I've dealt with too many broken promises and losses while growing up, I just can't take it.

I love him so much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I love his up's, and I love his down's; I love his compliments, and I love his criticisms.

But I'm even more scared. I think about him becoming a cop and cry. I really want to support him and I try 200% but I just can't

I don't know what to do...

[onefourtwelve]

well first you pushed him to get a job and now that he has one (or at least is on his way to one) you're unable to accept his decesion. it looks like the real issue here is security. it's understandable that you want to feel financially and emotionally secure since you're looking towards a future with him and you've dealt with loss frequently in the past. with that said, the issue of security has to be dealt with by you. have you considered therapy or anxiety medication or even a combination of both to help you work through these feelings of insecurity?

it you are unable to accept his career decesion then it will be extremely difficult for the relationship to remain stable. he needs to know that you're supportive of his decesions as a person and if you don't agree with his decesion it will be very difficult for you to be supportive. have you talked with him about all of this?