Need a man's advice!!

[sassygurl82]

OK, I really need a man's advice on this one. My fiance and I are getting married in 2 months, and everything has been pretty smooth so far. We've had arguments before, but nothing serious. For the most part our relationship is perfect. There's one thing bothering me though. He seems to be losing his drive. He's 30 years old and as far as I can tell, has no physical problems. A few months ago we had almost everyday, now it's pretty much once a week. What really is bothering me, besides being ually frustrated, is the fact that when we do have it's becoming more of just a physical act instead of anything emotional. His idea of foreplay lately is turning on the television! He doesn't touch or kiss me like he used to. Sometimes when I initiate , he laughs like it's funny and then rolls over and goes to sleep, when I tell him it bothers me, he just says "I'm tired", or "I have to get up early". It's really starting to make me mad, and hurt my feelings. I get so frustrated I just don't know what to do. I tell him this and he just laughs it off. This hasn't been a problem until recently. My friends seem to think he is getting it somewhere else, I just don't think he would do that. I've considered several things, one article I read mentioned things having to do with appearance, but neither one of us has gained any weight, or changed drastically in and way. In fact I am in better shape now than I was when I met him. I'm not overweight and wouldn't consider myself unattractive. I've come to the end of my rope. Does anyone have any advice on what the problem could be? I'm willing to try anything. I love him dearly, but I can't go through life being ually frustrated! Help Me!!

[CalistaClap]

Just because he is only having with you once a week is not a sensible reason to think that he is getting it somewhere else.

If he works alot or is stressed out about things then that can take away from it.

Speaking from experience, when I used to live with my b/f I would get up 6:00 am go to work all day, and then get back home around 7:00pm, do housework and be so exhausted, the thought of it was like another chore. So it only happened 1-2 times a week. THe worst thing he did was get completely pissed off by it.

Do him a favor and don't throw it all away because he is tired or not in the mood as much as he used to be. There is alot more to a relationship than just , and being able to accept this is part of that.

IF you haven't already talked to him about this, then I suggest that you do so, but don't threaten the relationship because of it. Tell him that it bothers you and makes you think that there is something wrong. Then if he tells you that there isn't, beleive him.

[eightball61]

There are alot of possibilities here and the major one that I see at the moment is stress. I too have noticed my drive going down in my relationship and we have been doing things like once or twice a week. It used to be everyday but there has been alot of stress in out relationship that has lowered the drive.

The stress can come off many factors in your relationship but the big one may be getting married in only 2 months. He may need some comfort himself to know everything will be ok in the longrun. Communicate with him that you like to get closer some. This doesn't have to include at the moment. Try to have an hour set aside each night for cuddling, talking, or walks.

drives is something that has high and low points in relationships. Not always it deals with stress but hormones also have thier times too. You both can keep the spark still going though if you all work together.

[sassygurl82]

Well, first of all, he doesn't work, he owns his own business and is very successful, the most work he does is go fishing and hunting. And it's not really even the frequency that bothers me, it's the fact that he is not emotionally involved at all. As I said before, his idea of foreplay is turning on the television. He assumes that just because he's ready that I am too, he doens't touch me or kiss me, or even look at me. It's gotten to where he doesn't even notice or care whether I'm satisfied as long as he is. It lasts about 5 minutes and he rolls over and goes to sleep without saying I love you or anything else. He says he has to get up early and that is a lie, he doesn't have to anything, he's his own boss. The truth of the matter is he wants to get up early to go fishing or hunting. He used to wait till a little later and take me with him on my days off, but now when I ask about going with him he just says, "you won't want to get up that early". There's alot more than just how often we have that looks fishy to me. Oh and as far as the wedding goes, we have a wedding planner, so it's not like we have to do alot that would stress either one of us out. Do any of you men out there have any advice you can give me??

[eightball61]

I am a man...lol


Anyway I am a DJ and I know all about the wedding planner. That has nothing to do with the stress I am talking about. The stress is the fustration of everything coming around the corner. He has his own job and along with that his mind is towards other things like the wedding. We could be wrong here but the build up of weddings can have a tole on someone.

You have now defined the problem and now you have to find a way to communicate back with him on your needs. Read my last post over about spending time each night together and work from there.

[Rich]

Sassygurl-

My two cents worth. There can be numerous things that lessen ual desire in a relationship. Emotional and physical.

You say that your fiance is only 30, so that would sort of rule out physiological changes like an increase in estrogen and a decrease in tostesterone, which, in men, can lower drive and performance. Lower free testoserone can change a man's ual tendancies and performance, but it mostly occurs from about 40 years of age and beyond.

Men are funny, but when it comes to ual performance and we notice a change, we take it very, very, very personal. We're embarrassed by it. If their partner is understanding and they have an open, honest and trusting relationship, then they can work through it. Blood testing would rule out any testosterone and estrogen changes.

It sounds like your fiance has become too comfortable with your relationship and you. It also sounds like he's not being communicative, open, caring and sensitive to your feelings. With the way that he acts, it seems like you guys have been married for a lot of years already.

You really need to get a hold of this situation before you get married. And I'm not just talking about the ual part. He's not open to discussing your feelings and he's not respecting how you feel either. From what you wrote it seems like he's into pleasing himself and not caring about you. This does not bode well for a happy, long term relationship.

Make it your business to get to the bottom of what is going on and don't feel trapped by your wedding date. If your heart is telling you one thing, don't feel trapped and do the opposite anyway. You'll just pay in the end. I believe that there are 33 core ingredients that go into making an awesome relationship and right now on a good number of those ingredient, your relationship needs help.

Don't go into marriage hoping that it will work, you should be going into it knowing that it will. Can you honestly say right now that you believe that your marriage will be happy and long lasting? Are you 100% sure that you want to get married right now?

If your answers are no, then you need to sit down and talk openly and honestly with your fiance. If he won't do that, then you have a big, clear preview as to how your marriage will be. If that's what you want or can live with, then go for it. But if that's not the type of marriage that you want, then back out if he can't or won't change.

Rich

www.awesomerelationships.com