small lie, a big deal?

[scorpio7364]

hey guys,
im new to the forum. Being kinda new to the relationship thing, and 18, I had a question. I have been with, who i consider the best person in the whole world for about a year and a half. He is the love of my life and i couldn't ask for more. Recently, well, today he informed me that last night he spoke with an old crush. The conversation was pretty quick however, something alarmed me. The girl had some pictures of her in her profile. I smply asked if he went to look at the pictures to which he answered no. Later on, he had said he saw one picture. This picture was conveniently at the bottom of the second page of pictures proving to me he was lying. I then proceeded to ask him if he had maximized the pictures to which he answered "only one becuase i wanted to see if i knew the boy she was going out with". Then, i found out he had maximized that one, and also, a couple of her alone. He truly loves me so i ask this: why would he lie to me about something as simple as that? and why would he care to look at the pictures. am i crazy in being upset about lied to? is it that big of a deal? any answers would be so helpful. i am so confused.

[eightball61]

It could be that he was curious then afraid to tell you. Many people are afraid to reveal the truth because they dont want to hurt the other person. You found out he lied and now that hurts you even more.

This can be considered a small or a big thing. The lieing is something that could turn into something big. He has to realize that its ok to be open and tell the truth. Thats what can make a relationship stronger. Sure you are hurt that he looked at them but more hurt he lied and the trust factor on him went down.

Talk to him about these feelings. You both love each other alot and express everything about that. Get the comfort level going where its ok to talk to each other.

[Rich]

Trust...it all comes down to trust.

Most people in a relationship will avoid offereing up information or being totally open and honest because they don't trust that it won't turn into a fight or that they're partner won't get pissed.

How often do you see guys lie about getting together and going out with their buddies because they feel like it will turn into an argument with their wife?

How often do you see women going out shopping and buying things but not telling their husband about it because they feel that it will turn into a fight?

It happens all the time and it shouldn't if the relationship is what it should be.

Bottom line is trust. If a person feels like they can trust their partner to be adult and understanding about everything, then they'll be honest and open about all things. If that trust is not there, then they won't. Unfortunately, your BF doesn't feel like he can be totally honest with you and doesn't trust that your relationship is strong enough. That's what needs to be worked on here.

He was probably intrigued about his ex and wanted to see what was up. No big deal. I think everyone would probably do the same thing and I'm sure that if the shoe was on the other foot, that you would too. It's not a big deal.

Actually it's not a big deal if you feel that your relationship is very strong and that you're both totally commited to each other. If it's a big deal to you, then your relationship isn't what you think it is and you should work to change it.

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com