The lowest he could go....

[CalistaClap]

So yet again, the sh!t has hit the fan. I know.....again? Yup again.

I spent the weekend with him. Friday, Sat, Sunday, and left Mon. morning. We had a few spats over the weekend, but nothing huge. Just more or less s snappy remark here or there. He did have his friend there with us all weekend which I thought was odd but never said anything. All in all, it was a good weekend together.

He and I layed im bed mostly all Sunday together, cuddling and talking. He told me over and over again how much he loved me more than anything else on earth, etc etc. Monday morning he drove me to my car which I had left at his parents house. He gave me a kiss goodbye and asked me to call him as soon as I got home to let him know that I made it there ok (a snow storm had just gotten over). So I did, and I never heard from him that night.

I woke up in the middle of the night Monday...well early Tuesday with such an awful gut feeling. I tracked him down Tuesday by phone and he told me he was going in the woods for the night, and he was 4 wheeling until late the night before, that's why he didn't call. Ok. I would have like to have seen him that night but didn't mention anything to him besides "have fun". He told me that he would call me in the morning at work.

Well he never. So I called his friends house and left a msg for my b/f to call me back. He did at supper time.

I was very upset when I was talking to him. Mainly because my mother who has just finished her treatment for Breast Cancer has found another lump. My father told me, but my mother didn't want me to know, so I wasn't supposed to let on I knew. So to say the least, I was very upset. He called me, and between missing him, having such a bad gut feeling about him, and my mother' I started bawling right away. First I told him about an "I love you" card that I had bought him that day, just because I missed him. I asked if I could come out and see him, because I wanted to get out of the house (since I wans't supposed to know about my mother, it was difficult to keep my emotions inside). I told him about her, and that I just wanted to cuddle with him all night and not have to be at home dealing with it. He said no! He was going in the woods again. I said "Adam, I never ask you not to do something you want, but I need you so badly right now, can I please come out and see you?" No. "How about if I just come out for an hour, then you can go in the woods after?" No. I wasn't even asking him to come see me, I was the one who was going to go there when I was the one who was sad!!!!!

This was a side of him that I haven't seen, My mother's cancer has been one of the toughest things i've ever dealt with and his coldness on top did not help.

He said that he "really needs time to think things through about us". WHAT??????? And everytime he does this (breaks up w/me) it always seems to be right around where something is happening with my mother (he told me he cheated a few days after I initially found out my mother had cancer). And that it makes it SO MUCH HARDER ON HIM!!!!! On him? How does he think it makes me feel? Then I told him that I never ask anything of him, but I really need him right now, and he has the nerve to sarcastically say "Oh yea, so when you need something then you want to spend time with me". (!!!!!!!!!!!!)

NOt only do I have to face the fact that my mother may have cancer again, he then decides after I tell him this, that he wants time apart, and is an ass about it, while I"m bawling to begin with!!!!!!!!

Regardless, I didn't see him. He told me he would call today and he hasn't. My friend called me lastnight and came and picked me up to go for a drive after I told her about everything. She can't beleive how cold he was. Me either. He is my b/f, and I have been there to help him through all his crying over pety problems like "my brother makes fun of me", or "I have no money because I blew it all", or "I have no friends because I stabbed them all in the back". Then when I have a real serious life altering problem, the only time I have ever had a problem that I go to him for, that's how he repays me.

I've helped him through his problems by being there for him (even after all he has done to me), by being his shoulder to cry on about things that is his own fault, I buy him groceries, and pay his phone bill so he don't go without. And for the first time in over 2 years, I was the one with the need, and a biggy at that, and this is what he does!

I have bit my tounge many times when I have something to say to him. Example: When I found the pics on the internet, I postponed telling him because it was never the right moment. Either he was with friends, or was upset over something else. I thought that he could have the decentcy to at least comfort me in an awful moment. It's like I was all of a sudden his worst enemy!

My friend was so mad FOR me. She said that out of all the things he has done to me, this is the ultimate worst. SHe feels this is worse than anytime he cheated, or tried to cheat or lied. That it's not something you do to someone you love, like, or even dislike.

I guess I know what you're advise will be, but I just needed to vent and get this off my chest. I'm am in such disbelief, and am just utterly pi$$ed off.

[eightball61]

My friend was so mad FOR me. She said that out of all the things he has done to me, this is the ultimate worst. SHe feels this is worse than anytime he cheated, or tried to cheat or lied. That it's not something you do to someone you love, like, or even dislike.

.


I really agree with your friend here. You know what my response will be to this so I will save it :p You are going through a tough time with family and him. You friends have been there for you and he hasn't. Its time to spend that energy to the family and friends.

I know you know this and it will be hard. But listen to your friends for once and try it out. I asked you this before and will do again" how much more can you take?"

Sorry if I didn't offer much here but if you read my post under singles you'll know why... :(

[CalistaClap]

Sorry to hear about it Eightball. I responded to your thread.

Well he didn't call me at all yesterday. Even though he promised he would. He was supposed to call me and tell me what this was all about, because he didn't "have time" the other night. Well I'm still sitting here wondering....

I just keep running last weekend over and over in my head. It doesn't make sense.

Last week I didn't get out there very much because of the storm. We would talk on the phone and I would debat on if I would go out or not. If the roads were real bad I wouldn't, and if they were so-so, then if his friend was there I wouldn't go, and if he wasn't, then I would go. It had nothing to do with whether or not I wanted to see him, because I missed him like crazy. He too said the same thing. That "it sucks being winter because he don't get to see each other as much". That was his calm words. If his friend was there, then he is staying over night, so I would feel out of place there anyway. Besides, if I know that he isn't sitting home alone, so it's a little more relieveing that I don't need to go out everynight in the winter. Sunday of lastweek I had planned on staying to his house overnight (I was there for the weekend) but he asked if I would mind if he went to his friends house. So he did. Monday of last week was bad weather, Tuesday I wanted to go out but he wanted to go in the woods. I went out Wed. Thrus night I worked like usual. He called and asked if I wanted him to come down when I got done that night. It was very snowy so I told him that it's up to him, but I wouldn't want him to risk it just to come the whole way down, and all we would do is go to bed. SInce I didn't get home until 9:30, and had to work the next day at 8:00am. THen I went out Friday, things were fine. His friend went home for the night. Saturday morning I had to come back home to help my grandmother clean out her deepfreeze, but I was back to his house around 12:30, and we went shopping (an hour away), but he took his friends with us. I stayed Sat night, and attempted to get home Sunday morning because I thought that if I didn't, I wouldn't have much chance of getting to work on MOnday. Well the roads were awful, so I stayed Sunday night and left Monday morning, and the friend was STILL with him. THat's the last time I saw him.

All I keep analizing is his behavior. It seems like when his friend wasn't around, he was normal. Cuddly, loving, his normal softy way. But when he was there, he was cold and snappy. He has never been like that before. We was cranky because I didn't get back to his house from my grandmothers until 12:30. Not bad from what I see (considering I left his house around 8:30, drove 45 mins, cleaned for a few hours, showered, and drove 45 mins back out). I ignored his crankiness, and acted very normal towards him. Then on the way to Yarmouth, with his friend in the back (in my car) he keeps turning up my stereo. I have a sub in my trunk, but I only turn the music up so far, because that's how I like it. Well he knows it hurts my ears when he cranks it, and that's what he did the whole time. I would turn it down a bit, and he would turn it up, and he wasn't joking about it either. I thiought that was odd. He was snappy the whole time while shopping. I didn't even frag him in girly stores, we just went to get what we needed and that's it. I bought him lunch, and some fish for his tank because he had no $$. Then we went home. His friend came with us. We got home and decided to call my friend and her husband to come over, but they were busy. And his friends g/f (not officially) couldn't come cuz she was working or something. So it was just us 3. I played with his Ferret for a few hours, then went to bed. He came in with he and we cuddled and watched tv. I played around with the idea of leaving before the big storm hit that night (started around 12:00) but decided I would rather stay with him. Sunday morning we took awhile to get my car unstuck, then went as far as his parents but the roads were way to bad for me to coninue home in. He kept asking me "well call you dad and see if he will come pick you up", or "the roads MUST he plowed down there". They weren't. So I stayed. I did have a strange feeling that he was somewhat trying to get rid of me. But we left my car at his parents and went back to his house. (again with his friend). He made us breakfast, and I cleaned up after for him. He got very snappy for a bit because the fuses kept blowing while he was cooking, but he calmed down. That's when he and I layed in bed almost all day cuddling, etc. It was very nice. I got up and made him his favorite dessert for a bit. I got up Monday morning, got a shower. And it seemed as if he was trying to rush me out ther door, after I already decided I couldn't make it to work. Before I even got my hair dryed he had his truck warming up to take me to my car. So when we got to his parents, we stood outside a bit and talked to his mom. He gave me a kiss goodbye and told me he loved me and asked me to call him when I get home. And now here I am.

He swears he hasn't met someone else, but just is having enough of not "getting and affection out of me". I really don't know where that comes from. I am affectionate, but just not overly groopy, especially when there is someone else there. Plus I made an extra effort because he sometimes was is such a odd mood over the weekend.

I don't get it. How can we have that weekend, and then when I call him and tell him my problem, and am more than obviously upset, he can be so cold? Wouldn't a mornal person just decide that that's not the best time in the world to fight with me? Even if he didn't want to comfort me, why did he feel the need to be an a$$ an top of it?

Now it's Friday. I haven't seen him since Mon. mornng, and have only talked to him Tuesday night for less that 30 seconds, and Wed night for him to tell me this. He says that I am always in a hurry to get home to go to my friends house on Sundays. That's not true. I usually go home to go home and see my family. THen if I get bored or if she calls I will go see her for an hour or two. But even if I DID go home Sunday's to hang out with her, how is that wrong?

Anyone have any input on helping me analize what happend?

[CalistaClap]

Oh and another thing that he always brings up is that it seems like I never want to spend any time with him (??). He said even Troy (his friend who is always with him) has noticed that. Troy and him have only been friends again for like 2 or 3 weeks, and Troy had the nerve to comment on my actions is my relationship? THe first time I"ve actually seen Troy in like a year was this weekend. Troy has no idea about what I want.

On an average week, with no storms this is usually my week, it's very predicatable every week.

Monday I stay home beacuse I was there all weekend. Probably go down the road a visit my friend ( I am ALWAYS home before 9:30 because she goes to bed early).

Tuesday: I'll go out there if he doesnt have any other plans. If he does, then he can do them and I can always find something else to do.

Wed. I go out. Some times if I do go out Tuesday, and he has plans Wed instead I will stay home. BUt usually I am there.

Thurs. I work 5-9 after my full time Mon-Fri 8-4;30 job. Don't get home until 9:30.

Fri & Sat: I am 99% of the time out there with him. I even missed one of my friends going away party this weekend to spend with him.

Sunday: I usually go home in the afternoon. Sometimes I stay, but do usually go home.

How is that NOT wanting to spend time with him? He has a vehicle too! He can come see me. He uses the fact he has no gas $. I've offered to give him some. But he has enough to go to Troy's every other day, which is 30 mins from his house. I am 45mins away. He hasn't been to my house in months!

[eightball61]

You are doing whats best for you at this time and thats keeping with family and friends. Seeing him is the bonus after all he put you though. His friends ought to stay out of this. You don't need to analyze his movements anymore.

He is in the point of some denial phase where he is trying to blame you for all this. Remember he is the one who cried for you back and you didn't go. This is just going to be the biggest headache if you keep up with him.

If he feels you are cluttering him then give the damn space even more. HE is really pissing me off. If he wanted you back then he is taken the wrong route. You know my thoughts to this whole thing and they still stand.

He is giving up so why cant you?

[eightball61]

You are doing whats best for you at this time and thats keeping with family and friends. Seeing him is the bonus after all he put you though. His friends ought to stay out of this. You don't need to analyze his movements anymore.

He is in the point of some denial phase where he is trying to blame you for all this. Remember he is the one who cried for you back and you didn't go. This is just going to be the biggest headache if you keep up with him.

If he feels you are cluttering him then give the damn space even more. HE is really pissing me off. If he wanted you back then he is taken the wrong route. You know my thoughts to this whole thing and they still stand.

He is giving up so why cant you?

[CalistaClap]

I know. I honestly think that I could never ever EVER date him again after this one. This was so much worse than any amount of cheating. This just goes to prove how unimportant I am in his life.

I know he is giving up, and then some. But I'm just confused. I just want to know why, and what caused him to go from telling me how much he loved me to being this cruel person when I was already in a rut.

I think it's so hard because I love him, somethng I thought he did of he too. But that's a joke. I've stayed faithful to him, but up with all his crying whining and jealousy. Forgave him for cheating and lying and hiding things, and sneaking around behind my back. All just to avoid having to face this breakup, and after all of that....here I am once again, and it's him that's doing it once again.

I'm hurt, but most of all i'm pi$$ed off. I wasted 2 years and then some on a guy who can't even so much as be courtious to me while I am going through a family crisis. I've put up with heart ache after heart ache to try and continue to see the good in him.

I listened to him bawl over such petty things for months without saying anything negative or cruel to him.

It's over, it's definatly done. I can put up with cheating, and lying, but to kick me when I'm already in the dumps over a huge issue is more than enough. I'll never be able to look at him the same. I've never been so in love with someone before, but I've also never EVER been treated so badly, and I've had some pretty sucky relationships.

I"m just venting, and trying to understand where this could have came from. Sorry for rambling.

[eightball61]

It's over, it's definatly done.


Right....You put up alot with this man and the hits keep coming. Now, you have answered my question on how much more can you take. You are in the stage I am about being more angered than heart broken.

We put so much into things and it never worked. How much can we do? Its hard to tell. It takes to to get a relationship in gear and this just proves that point.

Right now though you have other focusses like family and yourself. Be productive this weekend and stick with friends. Dont bother with him if you can help it. Its only going to make it worse.

[CalistaClap]

I'm not going to bother with him. He cant even have the decency to call me and tell me what this is all about. He can't come out of "the woods" long enough to do anything.

I really have never seen this behaviour. It makes me think that there is someone else. Why else would he be there EVERYDAY, and EVERYNIGHT? He can't even talk to me on the phone and "get into it" because there are "guys" waiting for him to go.

I"ve just never ever felt so angry at him. How can he be so cold when I have put up with so much? I've never ever put up with this much for a man, and I never will again. I really wish I could talk to him to spill all of this out to him. Just let him know what I really do think of him at this moment.

It seems like now that he has a friend again he doesn't need me anymore. I don't know if I was just his company while he had no one? WHen he cheated, he told me and then broke up with me. Why? Because he had a friend at that time who lugged him around everywhere. THen In Oct. when he "wasn't sure he could be faithful" he had just got his own vehicle, so he didn't need to me lug him around anymore. Now he has a friend again, and "there goes the g/f who's taken all the $hit i've given her again".

Well I'm done. I hope he has found someone else. Let her take his $hit, and see how long she stays around.

I can put up with alot, but this really REALLY has been it. I've never ever seen someone do something so cruel to someone as he has done at this point. And to have the nerve to say "it makes it harder on me", and "oh, so when you need something, that's when you want to spend time with me?".

I"m just so mad!

Again, sorry for rambling, I just gotta get it out.

[eightball61]

You have every right to be mad. This weekend though just dont do anything stupidlike drink it away. Try to stay away fromt he booze. If you have to just chill with family and leave you phone behind. If a friend contacts you then go have a little fun. I know you dont have the net at home but anytime you are willing to talk I am here through email or whatever....

He brought this to himself and not you....You may go through a phase thinking you are at fault but you are not. Just drop the issue and as I said before let him work out these problems he has. You played superwomen long enough.

[CalistaClap]

Thanks Eightball, your great.

No I'm definatly not going to be drinking. I'm sure my friends have some things thought up to do.

I seem to go in spurts. Like I layed awake all night sad and nervous about what is happeneing, but then I get to work, and start to think about it, and I get SOO ANGRY at him that he just did that to me.

Now that I am back from lunch, I'm back to...well not sad, but disappointed. :(

[eightball61]

I am sorry to hear of all this going on. I am sure it will be a long weekend for both but you will be thought of. :D

[CalistaClap]

I hope it goes well for you too. Like you tell me, keep busy and stay around friends and family.

Are you and her still speaking at this time?

[eightball61]

Yuh, we are still talking at this time. We talk like we are still dating but without the title. Thanks for the help though.

[CalistaClap]

Ayways, I'm outta here in a few.

Have a good weekend, well as good of weekend that you can have. Even if she doesn't acknowledge your b-day that doesn'e mean that you can't celebrate it with friends and family.

I'll be back on here Monday, and probably be raving about more things that he has done to me.

Take care. :)

[eightball61]

Bye bye for now and try to have an ok weekend. I will try myself & again thank you....see you monday

[CalistaClap]

He called me Friday night. He said that he's ending everything between us and for me to come and get my stuff. This time he wan't as jerkish as before, and appologized many times, but I still haven't got over how cold he was that night.

He says that he is listening to me this time. I've always asked him and bagged him if he ever wanted to cheat to do me a favor and end it with me first and that's what he's doing. It would have been nice if he could have done this a month ago, when I was going through the emotional hell of finding out he tried to cheat again, and working so hard to try and move past it. What was the point of going through all of that?

I told him in not so nice words exaclty what I thought of his friend who made comments about me not wanting to spend time with him, and told him to feel free to tell him exactly what I said.

Then I asked him if I could have the cats. He agreed to it, but started crying that he would miss them so much. Now I'm unsure. I know he loves them just as much as I do, but if he can't even afford to feed himself, how can he afford to buy 2 cats litre and food all the time? I know he would treat them good when he is home, but he isn't home all that often. Then again, if I take them, I already have 1 i brought home from there, and plus my parents have 3. So that would be 6 and my mother would have a fit. I would definatly pay for them, but still. I just don't want them anywhere they get treated not as good as they deserve. So that's a big issue right now.

My friend offered to help me get the rest of my stuff. So I am going to see if she wants to do that on Saturday. I might even go out once this week and get a few things.

Anways, that's my update.

[eightball61]

Hey calista,

I am sorry you had that kind of weekend but you know it ended the long process of "i don't know thoughts". For many months you had no idea where this thing was going to go. It seems he did a lot of thinking about this but made the right decision.

Its not easy to hear those words on someone that you been trying to work things out with and trying to make a better life with. Its going to take time for you to move on but at least you know where it all stands.

When my sister went through a divorce they settle belonging quite right but you have to have a sharing partner. It seems he seems this way so that why I am mentioning this. You both should come to angreement that equals on what you want and he wants. Sure he is going to give up stuff he may miss and you will do the same but out of all fairthness you both can work it out. You can leave him a cat or to but when he is ready to move on again he may not want the stuff of an old GF around. Its just a guy thing I think.

Anyway having a friend there to help you is great. You know where I/We are all the time so feel free to drop one :D

[CalistaClap]

Well I've already told him out of all the furniture that is left, the only thing I want is the computer desk (i basically furnished his house, but last Oct, I took out my dining room table and living room chair). I am going to leave him the bedroom set, and coffee table/end table set, entertainment stand, bathroom furniture, hallway table & mirror, most all decorations, all the dishes and silverware, all the bed & bath linens, my dvd player, some of my dvd's, and i'm debating on my tv. If I took everything I had, he wouldn't have much, and I don't want to do that to him. I don't need all the stuff I mentioned above because I am living with my parents, and really don't have anywhere to put it even if I did want it.

I've got clothes there, and other items that I am taking, mostly pictures, and a few items that I brought there.

The thing that concerns me the most is the cats. They are basically like my children. They don't go outside. See, he has never bought them litre or food. He will let the old litre sit there for weeks before he will change it or buy new. I've always been the one who took care of them. He leaves for days at a time. In the fall he is gone hunting for months. His answer to this is that he "will get someone to come feed them when he's gone". But he is always gone, so they would end up being someone else's burden.

I know he loves them very much, but he even admitted that they would probably be better off with me. I can't just leave one there. That would be cruel. They are alone in the house as it is, but to seperate them would be awful.

I'm just unsure. It would kill me to leave them there, but I would do it if I knew for sure they would be taken care of 110%. I just really don't know. I wouldn't give them away. If I don't take them with me, then I will leave them with him. But he has a ferret, which is very friendly and loves the cats, but they are scared of it. Plus I think he is going to get one of his friends puppies (I dispise dogs, so now that I am out, he can finally get one).

It's just hard. But I have all week to decide.

[eightball61]

Its tough having an odd number of cats. What you can try is leaving to there to start so the other has a friend and you take one with you. (IF you both stay in contact though then this is an option) If you fid the cats are not being maintain then tell him you are taking them if it comes down to that.

[CalistaClap]

I really don't think that we are going to stay in contact. Once I'm out, then I don't expect to hear from him again, or ever go there again.

That's why it's I take them this weekend, or leave them there for good.

There are 2 out to his house. It's not weather I want them more than he does, because I know he really wants them. But I don't want to leave them there if they aren't going to be taken care of. Really 6 cats is WAY to many, and isn't my ideal situation, but I love them and will not see them neglected. Plus, when I move out of my parents house (someday) these ones will always come with me.

I know he cares for them just as much as I do, but he is not responsbile. If he has no money, they will go without food and litre. How can I leave them there knowing that? Also, his solution is to make them someone else's burden. Someone else will come feed then when he is not home (which is often), and someone else will buy food for them if he has no $. That's not right either.

I know that I will always be able to take care of them, and be there enough to maintain them. It would just be so much easier if I wasn't living back with my parents.

[eightball61]

Then maybe it maybe best to keep one cat there. 6 cats is a lot and will be hefty to maintain if they are indoor cats. I know you want them to have the proper housing and love. He is gone alot and the cat will be alone alot. I am sure he wont bing it with him either.

What does he have to say about the cat being there alone? & the money issue is there because he has little right now.

[CalistaClap]

Leaving one and taking one isn't an option. I would never seperate them. I would never leave 1 totally alone in a house where hardly anyone is.

If they live with me they would not be indoors cats anymore. I live with my parents in the country, so they can come and go in and out as they please.

I dunno. I did get them knowing that they are a life long responsiblity. I don't want them to have a worse off life because of what's happeneing.

It probably sounds like such a petty problem to be fussing over, but it's really hard to think what I should do.

Leave them and although I would miss them like crazy I wouldn't have to add 2 more to the collection but always worry that they were neglected, or take them, and know he will miss them, and take responsibility for them throughout their life.

[eightball61]

You do with what you feel is best here. He screwed you over one to many times. You dont need the cats going throught the same thing so you do with whats right. Sure he loves them but he will get over it.

[CalistaClap]

Yea that's true. I guess I shouldn't really be worrying about how much he will miss them. It's because of him all of this is happening anyways.

[eightball61]

Take what you need to take and move on. Sure he will be remembered in some ways but you need to do what best for yourself at this time.