need help

[spike238]

i'm 24 yrs old and have been dating a girl for 1 month. i really care for and think she actually may be the one even thought it's so early in the relationship. i know she has extremely strong feelings for me. well my friends took me out one night got me hammered. my friends and i went back to my place and they brought some girls back, i decided to go pass out, and a girl came in and took advantage of me, i don't know her name, what she looks like or even what really happened! i feel so guilty but am not sure what i should do. do i tell her? i just don't want to hurt her or hurt our relationship. this all happened about 4 days ago, and i've seen my girlfriend 4 times already. i'm not the same when i'm around her b/c of guilt. do i need to tell her? if i tell her what do i say? i do't know what even happened. my friends think i shouldn't tell her since i don't know what happened. this is the hardest thing i have ever gone through :confused:

[eightball61]

Consider this....You both only been dating for a month. If you are having guilts about it now it will get worse. If you plan to be committed to this girl then you need to do whats right. Telling her may/will break it off but not telling will make the guilt worse and things worse if you tell her latter. She wants someone that will be honest and thats what you gotta do. Thats just my thoughts though...

[Tida]

In my early years of college, something similar to this happened to me. I had been dating this guy for a few years. Everyone expected us to get married. His parents wanted us to get married.

Anyway, I went to Thailand for a few weeks. During that time he went out with some friends a lot to get his mind off of me. (as he said) One night he partied hard, took some ecstacy, got wasted, met a chick, and SOMETHING happened. Of course, he doesn't remember what, but something did happen.

He ended up telling me about a week after I returned home. Actually, he kind of had no choice because he had a lot of witnessess that said they would tell if he didn't. Naturally, it turned into a huge argument.

The fact that he cheated without meaning to- still hurt just as much. But what I was concerned about most was how could he reassure me that it would not happen again.

Unfortunately, it lead to our breaking up. The main reason being, however, that the girl turned out to be someone within our outer circle of friends. Someone I didn't know but heard about; and she kept trying to be hour "friend". :rolleyes: The fact that he kept in contact with her after he found out who she was kinda sped up the process.

My situation also differs from yours because we had been dating seriously for several years. You, on the other hand, are just in the beginning.

I'm only guessing that you two don't know each other too well yet.

I think you should tell her. :)
If she chooses to stay with you, you have the chance to prove to her that you're not that kind of person. Of course, you'd also have to reassure her that something like that won't happen again.

If she chooses not to stay with you, you can still try to prove this to her and win her back.

What would you want if you were her?


PS. I hope I helped just a bit and didn't ramble too much. :D

[CalistaClap]

I think that she has the right to know, and the right to make the decision.

IF you are feeling guilty now, and it's affecting how you are acting around her now, what do you think it's going to be like in the future? It's just going to keep eating away at you. And the longer you keep it from her, the more it will hurt her when she finds out.

Plus, if there is ANY possible way that she may find out from someone else, I suggest you tell her right away. Finding out from someone else is alot more hurtful then you fessing up.

She has every right to leave you, and if it were you, would you do the same? SHe may decide to give you another chance, or not. But at least this way she will now that you are honest with her when something happens, no matter what the results.

[inquisitive]

Calista, can I ask what makes you think she has the right to leave him? Just from your post you made it sound like he'd done something wrong. Thats why I'm asking...

[Rich]

Let's be honest here.

If you felt that you were date raped, then go to the police! That will help you with your GF when you tell her.

If you don't go to the police, then the fact is that you're using being too drunk as your defense for doing what you did. You weren't totally defensless and you wanted, in a way, for whatever happen to happen. Be honest.

Do you what you feel that you need to do with your GF.

[lostlilstar]

You say you passed out? So when you were sleeping she was raping you? Or where you just to drunk to say no? Cos that's never a good excuse. Honestly, she will find out anyway. So you might as well just confess, Im sure you're acting different, and Im sure she can tell and is suspicious. Better for you to tell her, whre you can explain the situation. Than someone else telling her, your friend tells his girlfriend who tells her friend who tells her. Thats never a good way to go. Plus if you say it was completely not your fault, then your sincereity may steer her into staying with you.