whats wrong with me!?

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Hello everybody, im new to this forum, just found it today! Here is my sitch:

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 10 months now (we had a brief relationship about 3 years ago, and had been in touch until we got back together). I was married before we got back together. At the beginning of our second chance at love, i was not too open and comforting due to my divorce....i guess you could say that my defenses were up. Well, a few months ago, i totally felt comfortable with her and everything, and i was truly falling in love! It was the most wonderful feeling! Well, right about the time that i really got into being comfortable, i noticed she was acting differently than her usually loving, charming self. Then it came.........the dreaded "I think i need some time for myself to sort things out and do some soulsearching" :eek: So that lasted for a week or so and then i went to her house this weekend. Everything was great, she said she feels really good in our relationship right now, our love life had reflourished, and i was happy!......or was I? I love this girl with all of my heart and i would do anything for her, but now i am experiencing trust issues. Not that she will cheat or anything.....its the fact that i dont want to have my heart hurt again. I dont want to smother her, but i am madly in love. She isnt acting the same as she did earlier in our relationship....she would ALWAYS be touchy, lovey, kissy. It has backed off a little now. Im wondering if my vast amount of love is overshadowing hers, and therefore making me think she has backed off more than she really has? How do i handle this! It is burning in my head every minute of the day. I wake up in the morning and immediately i start worrying and get that pit feeling in my stomach. I love this girl and want to be with her forever. I just dont want to smother or mess anything up, and i dont want to keep telling her that i feel wierd and so on and so forth. Am i insecure because it has just rekindled a few days ago? UGH! im so lost.......and the last thing i want to do is lose her! Please help!

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To update this......tonight i talked to her on the phone, and not a whole lot was said as she was sick with a cold and fever, and had a long day at work. I am going over tomorrow after work to take her some medicine (and probably a get well present) and spend the night with her incase she needs help doing anything while she is under the weather. She sensed that i was feeling down and told me again that i need to relax and everything was fine. That i can call her when i get down if i need to talk, and that she wants to know when i am feeling down and need to talk. So things still look on the up and up, and i do feel better, but i still have insecure feelings going on. I know things take time, but its SO HARD to be patient. I hope somebody replies soon, as it is nice to have somebody with knowledge on this subject to talk to. I know, I know....chances are everything is gonna be fine and ill feel better soon, but you never know! :( ;)

[CalistaClap]

Well first of all there is nothing more unattractive then your partner smothering you with his insecurities.

It's normal to feel nervous about this situation. It took you awhile to get down your gaurd, and when you did, youhad a scare. It may just take some time to get back to where you were.

Don't constantly beg her for reassurance. IF I were her, I would expect you to believe me when I tell you that I want to be with you, etc.

But on the other hand, what were her reasons for wanting the break? Also, did she find what she was looking for during the break? Have you asked her?

[eightball61]

I know you are afraid to hurt again but if you dont calm down some that is only pushing her away rather than bringing her in. A women does like to have a protective man but she wants hiim to be secure and not overprotectiive.

Most of us do have some kind of insecurity issues within ourselves but you need a way to fight through it. I too afraid of getting hurt over and over but I can to realize that its life and its better to be off with the right partner than the wrong.

[Rich]

One would hope that through your divorce, that you've learned some valuable lessons as to what it takes to make a marriage work. As well as what can take place to ruin a marriage.

What was the reason(s) that your first marriage broke up? We're you the smothering, untrusting of your wife going out type? Did you need constant feedback and become a mental drain on your wife?

A marriage is two, WHOLE people, who each have lives, that want to bring those whole lives together and spend the rest of their time here on earth helping each other grow and to love each other. It's two mature, caring, understanding, happy, well and confident folks who want to enjoy life spending all their time with each other.

In general it always scares me when someone says that they "need" someone to help make their life complete. That infers that they're not whole to begin with and unwhole people can't make a relationship work for the long term.

Two people should come together because they "want" to. It's a coice, not a need.

This all sounds like a confidence issue. Each person in a relationship should be confident in who they are as a person. You scared your partner and she backed off. Delve on what core issues caused your divorce, learn from it and be confident in who you are. Relationships should just flow and be easy. Like a boat going down a river. Minor corrections here and there, but just going with the flow. People often make a relationship like its battling the white water on some rapids. It shouldn't be like that and doesn't have to be like that.

If your boat (life) is sound, secure and you're confident in it, then there's nothing to be afraid of in what lies ahead. Just sail on and make your corrections. No big deal. Two competent captains handling a boat is a lot better then a somewhat competnet captain and a first mate who needs constant attention.

Sorry to go off on a tangent there, but the bottom line is to take it slow, know what you want and what it will take to have a great relationship. Don't just jump in and hope. Know what'll take.

Rich
www.awesomerelationships.com