Is there any turning back?

[mistakeman]

I've been friends with a girl for a about 5 months, and we got quite close as friends. But I slowly fell for her. She eventually found out and gave me the "don't wanna ruin the friendship, let's stay friends" speech. I accepted that at first and we still hung out together. But when we go out to bars, she always manages to hook up with a guy that she has just met, while I watch and feel my heart being crushed.
I told her a few days back that we should take a break from hanging out until I could sort myself out. She took this as meaning I didn't want to be freinds with her anymore. She won't talk to me.
I'm going through clinical depression at the moment and thought that being away from someone who I love, but unintentionally hurts me, would help me out. Instead it has made me worse.
We almost had things sorted last night, and then she goes and hooks up with a guy I HATE, and she does it infront of me. She was drunk, and said she didn't do it on purpose, but I told her it hurt me to watch.
She is now hurt that she hurts me, and I've said I wish I never said anything to her about taking a break.

I don't know what I can do to fix this. She is a great friend to me and I think I've killed the friendship by making a mistake.
Is there anything I can do?

[eightball61]

Its hard to fix things like this. I think you made the right decision on trying to work on yourself while she is away. Being around her hurts you more because you still want back but she is out meeting new people.

Friendships after relationships are hard to work out because of this reason and many others. You both may still continue a friendhip in the future but you need time to treat the depression and move on.

[CalistaClap]

It's hard to remain friends when one has feelings and the other doesn't.

But instead of throwing the whol friendship away, why don't you (if you can) hang out in different ways?

Spend friendship time with her other time other than when she goes out to bars and picks up. That is only going to make if harder to watch this. Hang out with her during the day, or watch movies, or spend evenings with her were she won't meet up with other guys.

That may hopefully it will be less crushing for you, but you won't loos the friendship. Also, if she has told you and proved that she doesn't want a romantic relationship, maybe you should work on moving past these romantic feelings for her.

[Rich]

The plain truth is that if you can't deal with seeing your friend with other guys, then you need to end the friendship. Your "girl" friend just wants to be friends, but you want more. It won't work and you'll keep having your feelings hurt.

The point that maybe you should do other friend type of activities so that you won't have to watch your friend pick up other guys might be good for the short term, but I feel that it's just prolonging your agony.

At some point your friend is going to meet and marry someone else. At that point will you still remain friends? If you do, then at every function or get together you'll see your friend being loving towards someone else and it will drive you nuts. The husband will pick up on your "feelings" and it will be an issue. He'll encourage your friend to not invite you to things or to go out with them because he doesn't need your stares and hard feelings. The point that I'm making is that you can't just avoid the inevitable.

The inevitable is that you have feelings for her and she doesn't have them for you and if you can't get over that, then you need to end contact with her. Going out on non -hurtful to your feelings dates are only delaying the inevitable.

That's just my two cents.

Rich

[mmsharon]

Cut down on meeting up with her. You both are still friends, but there isn't a need to meet up so often. Give yourself some space too. The more you hang out with her, the more you are doing yourself a disfavor.

You wish to develop a closer relationship with her, however, she's relunctant. Seeing someone you like/love hook up with another person, is a terrible feeling. Though she might only treat you as a friend, i really think it's quite insensitive of her to do that, since she's aware of your feelings. But it doesn't stop her from hooking anyone up really.

Loosen your friendship and outings with her. It's really very unhealthy for you.

She isn't reciporcating... but you are hurting yourself more.

If you are hoping she might decide to develop a closer relationship with you... I am not sure if she would though. But from what you wrote, i doubt so. :(

Let her go. There will be someone who deserves your attention and time.

:)