View Full Version : I don't want to give up on him,,,,,,,
wickedpixie
01-31-2005, 08:01 PM
I don't even know where to begin......
about my love....
middle child of severely abusive parents...
mom beat him... dad helped sometimes.
legal trouble he doesn't deserve in my opinion...
life in general has given him the ONE FINGER SALUTE
I don't want to give up on him and be just another disappointment in his life...but he's becoming mentally and emotionally abusive...he is trying to push me away, testing me, .....
he was so affectionate and caring and passionate and seemed so happy
I am watching him destroy and sabatoge himself and it's killing me...
HELP ME!!!
eightball61
01-31-2005, 08:28 PM
Look you dont want someone that is abusive and you know that. You are staying with him for the wrong reasons. He may have had a rough life but being with him and him doing this will only bring you into it.......
What do you dream of a perfect relationship to be?
The only way for him to change is for him to change himself. The abuse is in his blood which is even harder. I know you are thinking of him but what about you? you need to think about YOU also.
wickedpixie
01-31-2005, 08:32 PM
I honestly think he's showing me his worst to see if I can bear it...
he is pushing me away because he's terrified I will leave him, he's being moody and passive aggressive
btw....
I was in an abusive relationship before, married to a man who beat me...
I understand how he feels...
he is warm, delicate, brilliant, deep......
but sooooo wounded.
Nothing teaches us better in life, than experience. Help and nurture your partner as much as your heart can take and then let life take it's course.
Sometimes people need to crash before they learn what they had.
Life's tough. Either your partner will win and overcome his past or he'll let his past win out over him.
It's like you acting as a pillar helping to hold up your partners building. His building needs to be structually sound without your help. Don't you want to know that he can stand on his own without your help?
Offer support and encouragement and let him work things out. Hopefully he can.
Rich
wickedpixie
01-31-2005, 08:36 PM
I do know there is a point where I will have to give up...
How can I, if I can, show him that my love does not come with a punch in the face....
how can I show him he can relax, that he is safe with me....
wickedpixie
01-31-2005, 08:38 PM
what do I do?
send him away?
avoid him for now?
I think he needs to know I'm there for him not only when hes' at his best, but also when he's at his worst, but I WILL NOT compromise myself in the process...
eightball61
01-31-2005, 09:10 PM
I honestly think he's showing me his worst to see if I can bear it...
he is pushing me away because he's terrified I will leave him, he's being moody and passive aggressive
Why would you want someone that will play a game with you to hurt you to prove something? Sure you been throught the abuse before but it seems you like it for some reason. Any person that went through the abuse and survived from it will be able to tell you that.
You see whats beyond that abuse but there has to be more to keep you. Its kinda a messed up situation all in all and if I was you I would make one last stand and eave if no change.
wickedpixie
01-31-2005, 09:14 PM
ok, ......
I will step away and let him know I love him but i will not be his whipping boy
he can vent to me, but not at me.....
he can share his feelings but not blame me for them....
he needs to go back to therapy and get his head straight or any chance of a healthy relationship will be shot to hell.
that's another thing...he was going to therapy religiously till he met me....
I am not a substitute.....
eightball61
01-31-2005, 10:22 PM
You have to be strong...He may have stuff going on but you are not his rag doll....you are human..
You're doing the right thing. Let him know that you're there to support him but that you're not a professional and that he DOES need professional help.
Just know that you are putting yourself into a long term relationship that will definately have it's issues for as long as you're in it. And that won't change. Psychological issues don't go away. If that's what you want for the rest of your life, then God bless. If it's not what you want, then don't feel guilty about leaving.
Rich
wickedpixie
02-01-2005, 02:30 PM
last night he said there is something he's not telling me , something that's bothering him, but he can't talk to me about it...
he wants me to go to therapy with him
I said "what is it that you need to have a 3rd party present to discuss with me, and why?"
he said he won't talk to me about it otherwise because I'll fell he's attacking me....
I said "that's probably because you will be attacking me"
I think it's about my past again.....how utterly annoying.....
CalistaClap
02-01-2005, 02:59 PM
What does he do to you that makes you feel mentally/verbally abused?
Also, does he often pick at your past?
wickedpixie
02-01-2005, 03:09 PM
blames everything that goes wrong on me
his emotions and how he says he feels about me, flip flop.....started out weekly, then every other day, now he is like 2 different people, back and forth through the course of a day....
he pushes and pulls at the same time...
he is invasive about my past, I have nothing to hide, but some things are just for me and some things I don't feel the need to share, I will share what I want, when I feel comfortable, if I feel the need to share it......
he plays psychologist and analyzes everything I ing do and say....
yesterday he was at my house eating lunch while I wasn't home and left a note on my table
about how he needs to figure out what kind of legacy he will leave morally and emotionally and spiritually to his children
asking me have i ever thought about why I've done the things I've done throughout my life...(umm of course I have, everyday)
then it switched to how he won't pass any legacy on, he won't have any kids or get married....it was very back and forth
he is the one who's been talking about marriage and babies since we met.
oh then the letter ended,
ps... I will now eat chicken
:confused:
CalistaClap
02-01-2005, 03:16 PM
Is it possible that he isn't trying to take to push you to see how much you will take, but rather just letting his true colors show?
How long have you been together?
wickedpixie
02-01-2005, 03:24 PM
he is not... "well"
he is pushing..
he said to me over a month ago when he started acting weird, he upset me then he looked at me with this strange, desperate look....
"I've done this to every girlfriend"
" I can't help myself"
he says things when we argue...
"punch me in my face"
"that's what would feel right"
I know he's totally unhealthy right now,
when we met and he was "stable" he had said to me once...
"I wonder if you'd love me like this when I'm at my worst"
he is really strange.....that's everyone's first impression of him..
but he definatley has 2 clearly, distinctly different sides to him....
eightball61
02-01-2005, 04:25 PM
he pushes and pulls at the same time...
he is invasive about my past, I have nothing to hide, but some things are just for me and some things I don't feel the need to share, I will share what I want, when I feel comfortable, if I feel the need to share it......
he plays psychologist and analyzes everything I ing do and say....
:
then read this over and over and save yourself now
CalistaClap
02-01-2005, 07:08 PM
How can you continue on like this, when you know that he has psycologial problems, but has stopped seeking treatment for it?
IMO, you need to tell him he has to go back to seeing his shrink (permanatly) or it's over. You shouldn't have to deal with this.
wickedpixie
02-01-2005, 07:12 PM
that is exactly what I"m going to do...
tonight...no execption and god damn it I'm gonna mean it.
eightball61
02-01-2005, 07:14 PM
You better stick to that or I just give up :D
wickedpixie
02-01-2005, 07:16 PM
I promise...hahahaha
I promise myself too... ;)
run....run away as fast as you can. something tells me though that he won't leave you alone even if you do break it off with him.
eightball61
02-01-2005, 07:21 PM
Rich I like the gingerbread man :p
wickedpixie
02-01-2005, 07:22 PM
yes, I don't think so either...
definate stalker potential, maybe that's what I'm afraid of, maybe that's part of the hesitation, I don't want to deal with that....
You lost me on the gingerbread comment. lol seriously.
My stunningly beautiful, masturbating pixie friend....that's what cops and orders of protection are for.
Don't let that be the reason you stay. Just think of your daughter if you need strength. she doesn't need to be exposed to that. That early morning buzzing sound is enough.
I can imagine when she's older and she starts hitting her alarm clock when she hears that buzzing sound in the morning. :-)
wickedpixie
02-01-2005, 07:31 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
ok, I know...I just hope it doesn't go that way..
which now that I'm letting myself even address the possibility,,,,,I think it will....
you gathered that from the warning and being in my home when I'm not there....right?
restraining order, whatever, he has to leave me alone.
or a big german shepard. :-)
Ask for whatever keys that he has to your place to be given back to you. But honestly, he'll probably make copies so you'll probably have to change the locks to be absolutely sure and feel safe.
wickedpixie
02-01-2005, 07:53 PM
said I left the door open....it's possible.. :confused:
now I'm getting upset.........I don't want any kind of crazy drama around my daughter or I will turn into a german shepard myself....
vBulletin® v3.8.2, Copyright ©2000-2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.