Bad Situation

[mrdaz]

So I have gone to college and my girlfriend (one year younger) is still at my old highschool. We've only been going out for a year, I didn't think it would get so serious. I just couldn't bring myself to break up with her before I left and now I hate the situation I'm in. I haven't seen my girlfriend in a month due to the distance between us and I really must say I don't miss her that much. Her persistence to stay together is actually scaring me and pushing me away. I've met a girl in college that I absolutely adore and I want to go further with her but I nor her can bring ourselves to do it because of my girlfriend back home.
I've never been in a long distance relationship before, but I don't like it. I can't stand being attached to someone so closely who I only talk on the phone to. I've spent so much time with the new girl I met and the tension between us is killing us both. What should I do? Should I break it off with my girlfriend back home? Should I just try and be friends with my new friend here? Because I really don't want to take the third choice, and cheat, because its getting harder and harder everyday to not do it.

[coach]

It sounds to me as if the time spent away from your g/f back home has tested your commitment to her (which is natural enough) and that you now realise she isn't the one for you.

My advice is to be honest with her and let her know that you feel the relationship is over.

She may well be upset, but she will get over it, and you will have freed her up so that she can meet someone else.

[hugglepup]

hi mrdaz,

Your situation has become untenable but the answer is very clear. You are procrastinating to avoid hurt but there will be more hurt if you leave it any longer. Place a phone call today and tell your girlfriend that you wish to end the relationship. Do not tell her that you've met someone else (although it is likely she'll ask you) but tell her that you can no longer conduct a long-distance relationship and want to explore other possibilities. Tell her gently but firmly and don't be surprised if she either bursts into tears or becomes angry. She may try to manipulate you into staying with her and even resort to begging but be firm. It will distress you to witness her pain but remember that this is normal and it will pass. She will move on in time.

I wish you all the best in your new relationship. Remember not to hurry into things. You have plenty of time.

Hugglepup

[mrdaz]

Thank you both, I took your advice and I'm glad I did. I broke up with my girlfriend but we are still on very good terms, she actually completely understands my situation. I didn't tell her about the new girl which was a good idea. She's still my friend so I don't want to hurt her. Now I have the best of both worlds, a good friend I can always talk to on the phone if I need to, and a super awesome girl to hang out with here. Oh and I kissed her last night for the first time, and it was amazing :)

[beckyanne]

having been the girlfriend back home, my suggestion would be to break it off with her. her persistance in trying to stay together is simply because she's at home, where chances are she already knows everyone and wont meet someone new. but you have, and its admirable that you dont want to cheat on your girlfriend. in order to be fair to both her and yourself, you should break up with her.

the next time you go home, sit down with her and explain that you care about her, and that you really enjoyed the time that you had together, but that you dont feel you can give her the attention that she deserves anymore. explain that college is a new experience, and you want to be able to experience all of it. dont mention that you've already met someone new, just explain that you dont feel its fair to either of you to keep up a long distance relationship, and it's better to end it now than to put it off.

guaranteed she will cry, and probably beg you to reconsider, or even get angry and accuse you of cheating. just stand your ground - tell her youre sorry, but youve made youre decision and then leave.

i know it sounds mean, and it will be really hard to do, but trust me. its way better than ditching her on new years for the new girl, cheating on her, and then dumping her over the phone three days later.

good luck!