i need help

[sporticus03]

ive been engaged for about 3 and a half months now, and we decided to make a big move before we got married. ever since we moved away from home we have had nothing but problems. some with our roomate, which actually he has caused a lot of them, and most just becuase of the fact that i blow up and say the wrong things when we get into a fight. i want to prove to her that i am going to change that and that i am taking action on it. i dont know if i can get to believe that though. i really need help with this. how do i get her to regain my trust?? how do i get her to have that sure feeling again. we are now very rocky because of something that i said, and it just came out completely wrong. if anyone can help me...please do...i dont really have anyone to talk to about this anymore.

[Rich]

Trust is built up over time. You can’t just snap your fingers and say that you’re cured and that someone should trust you. You say that you’re taking action on things, but what is it specifically that you’re doing to change your actions?

Remember this for this relationship and any other relationship in the future that you might get into. THINK BEFORE YOU SAY! It’s very easy to say things in the heat of battle, but it’s the mature and wise man who knows that you just don’t say anything at all. That you let things cool down first, then you talk about the issue as an adult. Talking WITH the other person and not AT, or DOWN to them.

Saying hurtful things is like hammering nails into a piece of wood. You can apologize and take the nails out of the wood, but you leave holes that remain. The holes also weaken the wood (relationship).

Once you say something, you can NEVER take it back. That momentary feeling of satisfaction that you get from saying something hurtful is far out weighed by the day, weeks or months that someone remains hurt or that the relationship is negatively affected.

Before you say something you need to think of two things. One, do I really mean what I’m about to say to this person and two, is it going to be worth it in the long run? When in doubt, keep you mouth shut.

As for your GF, you need to apologize and start acting maturely. Let her see over time that you’re a man of your word. Let the trust build up over time without you weakening it by saying hurtful things in the future.

Live and learn, pal.

[Saviornot]

I am about to lose my fiance in the next few days. All I can tell you is that you MUST listen to what Rich just told you. I have made this mistake countless times, and right now, my relationship has more holes than land on it. I have realized this, but too late. You haven't lost her yet. Start changing RIGHT NOW. Unfortunetly, you won't understand the pain of being without her until she leaves.

Let me save you time, you will feel a hurt so deep that it breaks your mind. You will not be the same, and won't forgive yourself. Do not let that happen. If she is a good woman and treats you right, you better fight with every bone in your body to make yourself a better person. She won't wait forever, and chances are, she won't wait long.

Become a better person, she deserves that as much as you do. Good luck with everything.

[hk2006]

I have to agree with Saviornot and Rich. I'm too going through a breakup with my gf and this is the most hardest thing that i've encounter. I know us men have a lot of pride and want things to be done our way but try to listen to her and try to put yourself in her shoes before you react. If she is the one and only for you you will need to work the extra mile and start sacraficing. Only times can bring back trust into her heart.